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<blockquote data-quote="Waitingforamiracle" data-source="post: 761004" data-attributes="member: 25449"><p>Dear Acacia, I really understand what it's like to fear our own sons. So far, my son hasn't shown anything like the scary behaviour that yours has, but I do fear his mental state, his anger toward us and his turning up at our house unexpectedly. And recently he has been asking us for money. I also fear that as he is only 25, that he won't grow out of this behaviour and what will he be like when he is your son's age?</p><p>I really get it when you said (pre traumatic phone call - I am so sorry) that you feared how he would react if you set a boundary. That's how they operate - intimidation - "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!" So next time he asks me for money I am going to say no - and like you said, 'I will be quaking in my boots' too. I know that everything that happens to him after I refuse to hand over $$, will be according to him, my fault. Losing his girlfriend, his flat, and his life in the city, all my fault. And he will come home, because he's lost it all and has "nowhere else to go". So my anxious and fearful (and sadly, experienced) mind tells it.</p><p>Sorry! I'm not offering much help here, just hijacking your thread! The good folks on this forum gave me lots of good advice a few weeks ago, after my son sent me a horrible email - see the thread "Threatening email" .</p><p>They advised me to increase the security on my home, report it to the police, not to send him any $$, and block him. But it's not as easy as that is it? Instead I answered him, told him that I had reported his message as intimidating, sent him a month's rent, and told him I hoped he could turn his problems around.</p><p>(I will update this story when I get - and refuse - another request for $.)</p><p>I do think the security part is something you must take seriously so you feel you have some lines of defence and a sense of security. I don't live in the US so I don't know about the change of address thing. Might be an idea to try to get some legal advice on your possible liabilities or ways to protect yourself from same. I think you need to show him you mean what you say and you won't be treated disrespectfully, but I hate to think of you being in fear of him. Believe me I do get it and wish you could get out of Dodge. Unfortunately for most of us that is not possible. Hugs!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Waitingforamiracle, post: 761004, member: 25449"] Dear Acacia, I really understand what it's like to fear our own sons. So far, my son hasn't shown anything like the scary behaviour that yours has, but I do fear his mental state, his anger toward us and his turning up at our house unexpectedly. And recently he has been asking us for money. I also fear that as he is only 25, that he won't grow out of this behaviour and what will he be like when he is your son's age? I really get it when you said (pre traumatic phone call - I am so sorry) that you feared how he would react if you set a boundary. That's how they operate - intimidation - "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!" So next time he asks me for money I am going to say no - and like you said, 'I will be quaking in my boots' too. I know that everything that happens to him after I refuse to hand over $$, will be according to him, my fault. Losing his girlfriend, his flat, and his life in the city, all my fault. And he will come home, because he's lost it all and has "nowhere else to go". So my anxious and fearful (and sadly, experienced) mind tells it. Sorry! I'm not offering much help here, just hijacking your thread! The good folks on this forum gave me lots of good advice a few weeks ago, after my son sent me a horrible email - see the thread "Threatening email" . They advised me to increase the security on my home, report it to the police, not to send him any $$, and block him. But it's not as easy as that is it? Instead I answered him, told him that I had reported his message as intimidating, sent him a month's rent, and told him I hoped he could turn his problems around. (I will update this story when I get - and refuse - another request for $.) I do think the security part is something you must take seriously so you feel you have some lines of defence and a sense of security. I don't live in the US so I don't know about the change of address thing. Might be an idea to try to get some legal advice on your possible liabilities or ways to protect yourself from same. I think you need to show him you mean what you say and you won't be treated disrespectfully, but I hate to think of you being in fear of him. Believe me I do get it and wish you could get out of Dodge. Unfortunately for most of us that is not possible. Hugs! [/QUOTE]
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