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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 761849" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Pasa,</p><p>It’s been a long time for me as well, I have become a once in awhile poster- browser, trying to get my focus on living my life and raising my teen aged granddaughter. I’m so so sorry for your horrific accident, Lord knows you have been through the ringer dealing with your son through the years. </p><p>Yet, I am so happy that you found a good person to spend the rest of your life with in your country home!</p><p>It is a challenge to have our beloveds drift in and out of our lives with the drama that constantly unfolds with theirs. I find myself fending off this grief cloud that tries to attach itself to me, if I succumb to it I know where that leads- down that old rabbit hole. </p><p>I think Copa is spot on with her comments about welfare, cash issues and these six children being cash cows. It was the same for my grands. Sad to know that a mother would view her own children as such, but these are strange and dark scenarios we all know too well.</p><p>I am working continuously on boundaries, for my sanity, mental and emotional well being. I think in many of our situations that is imperative because it is so easy to get sucked in to the never ending drama our adult children get themselves into. </p><p>You have a life to live and protect. This is not selfish, it is self love and an example to our adult children on how we all need to care for our precious lives. </p><p>I am a bit more connected to Tornado- with the mindset that as long as she is in rehab and trying to quit meth and live a better life, I will be there in support (more emotional than monetary). This is oft times difficult as she is manipulative and prone to falling off the wagon and disappearing. </p><p>You have a different reality, with your own health, your sons issues and violent outbursts. I think you are right to step way back and live <em>your</em> life. If your daughter chooses to be involved that is her decision and not a reflection on how your own capacity of “forgiveness” factors in. We can forgive our adult children without engaging with them. It may sound callous, but I believe we have to do what is safe and sound for us. </p><p>When I start to falter in my resolve and that grief cloud hovers, I pray that God will help direct my two wayward daughters to their potential. Lord only knows hubs and I tried to “help” for so many years to no avail. </p><p>My Tornado in her rehab stints has repeatedly asked me if she could “come home”. It was and is hard to say no, not going to lie. I told her to stay the course, that it would be much better for her to go into sober living. I have written before that there is so much help for struggling adults. The most recent rehab set my daughter up with a job, drug classes, a place to live, the list goes on. This reinforced in my mind that we as parents of adult children are not the only resource to help them. That if they truly want assistance to live a better life it is out there. </p><p>Unfortunately, Tornado relapsed again, even with all that held out for her. I can only imagine what would have happened if I opened that old revolving door.</p><p> I think that my two don’t see me as a person, rather as an opportunity to manipulate and pull at my heart. It’s an awful reality. That’s not a healthy relationship for anybody, including them. I am glad Pasa that you are protecting your peace. Keep up that resolve. </p><p>Much love and (((hugs)))</p><p>New Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 761849, member: 19522"] [I] [/I]Hi Pasa, It’s been a long time for me as well, I have become a once in awhile poster- browser, trying to get my focus on living my life and raising my teen aged granddaughter. I’m so so sorry for your horrific accident, Lord knows you have been through the ringer dealing with your son through the years. Yet, I am so happy that you found a good person to spend the rest of your life with in your country home! It is a challenge to have our beloveds drift in and out of our lives with the drama that constantly unfolds with theirs. I find myself fending off this grief cloud that tries to attach itself to me, if I succumb to it I know where that leads- down that old rabbit hole. I think Copa is spot on with her comments about welfare, cash issues and these six children being cash cows. It was the same for my grands. Sad to know that a mother would view her own children as such, but these are strange and dark scenarios we all know too well. I am working continuously on boundaries, for my sanity, mental and emotional well being. I think in many of our situations that is imperative because it is so easy to get sucked in to the never ending drama our adult children get themselves into. You have a life to live and protect. This is not selfish, it is self love and an example to our adult children on how we all need to care for our precious lives. I am a bit more connected to Tornado- with the mindset that as long as she is in rehab and trying to quit meth and live a better life, I will be there in support (more emotional than monetary). This is oft times difficult as she is manipulative and prone to falling off the wagon and disappearing. You have a different reality, with your own health, your sons issues and violent outbursts. I think you are right to step way back and live [I]your[/I] life. If your daughter chooses to be involved that is her decision and not a reflection on how your own capacity of “forgiveness” factors in. We can forgive our adult children without engaging with them. It may sound callous, but I believe we have to do what is safe and sound for us. When I start to falter in my resolve and that grief cloud hovers, I pray that God will help direct my two wayward daughters to their potential. Lord only knows hubs and I tried to “help” for so many years to no avail. My Tornado in her rehab stints has repeatedly asked me if she could “come home”. It was and is hard to say no, not going to lie. I told her to stay the course, that it would be much better for her to go into sober living. I have written before that there is so much help for struggling adults. The most recent rehab set my daughter up with a job, drug classes, a place to live, the list goes on. This reinforced in my mind that we as parents of adult children are not the only resource to help them. That if they truly want assistance to live a better life it is out there. Unfortunately, Tornado relapsed again, even with all that held out for her. I can only imagine what would have happened if I opened that old revolving door. I think that my two don’t see me as a person, rather as an opportunity to manipulate and pull at my heart. It’s an awful reality. That’s not a healthy relationship for anybody, including them. I am glad Pasa that you are protecting your peace. Keep up that resolve. Much love and (((hugs))) New Leaf [/QUOTE]
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