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<blockquote data-quote="Elsi" data-source="post: 741622" data-attributes="member: 23349"><p>This could describe my eldest. Except he does not have a child, thank God. He maintains low-end jobs for a few weeks or months at a time when he is absolutely out of options, but if he can get away with not working and find a way to avoid freezing or starving he will take the easy temporary out every time. Sigh. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This could also describe my eldest, except he is bald now. I do not understand why he won't take care of himself or try to present a decent appearance. I got him a suit to wear for his sister's wedding and he cleaned up so nicely! But ...we've reverted back to baseline now. </p><p></p><p></p><p>It sounds like the visit went pretty well, all things considered. Selling the grow set up is probably a good sign. I agree that its best to stay out of their decisions on their financial and domestic arrangements. As much as I hate to play into the old "a woman can fix him" trope, it sounds like his fiancee is a strong woman and good for him. And also has solid family supports. I hope he continues to grow into more responsibility and finds a job soon. My daughter in law has been the best thing ever to happen to my younger son, N. They got married VERY quickly, and I had my doubts, but she is strong and lovely and seems to keep him on a steady course. She is a refugee from a war-torn country and puts up with ZERO shenanigans. I talk with her more than I talk to him now - we've gotten very close, even though they are across the country. And fatherhood has been a huge incentive for N as well. You never know when things will start to click. He is in a trade apprenticeship now and doing well. I've become a big advocate of trade schools and apprenticeships. These are solid skills that are in big demand, are highly transferable across regions, and aren't going to be outsourced overseas. For the most part, these aren't going to be jobs that are automated, either - at least in the near to medium term. I would love to see my eldest follow his brother's example here.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is hard to know what draws couples together. But years ago my sister said something beautiful about my brother in law I have not forgotten. They had a lot of ups and downs, but she said, "if the world were coming to an end tomorrow, he's still the person I would want by my side holding my hand." That has become my metric for a strong relationship. Do I trust this person enough that I would want them holding my hand at the end of the world? Do I think they would be a comfort or a hindrance in the ultimate crisis? I want all of my children to find the person they would want "at the end of the world."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Elsi, post: 741622, member: 23349"] This could describe my eldest. Except he does not have a child, thank God. He maintains low-end jobs for a few weeks or months at a time when he is absolutely out of options, but if he can get away with not working and find a way to avoid freezing or starving he will take the easy temporary out every time. Sigh. This could also describe my eldest, except he is bald now. I do not understand why he won't take care of himself or try to present a decent appearance. I got him a suit to wear for his sister's wedding and he cleaned up so nicely! But ...we've reverted back to baseline now. It sounds like the visit went pretty well, all things considered. Selling the grow set up is probably a good sign. I agree that its best to stay out of their decisions on their financial and domestic arrangements. As much as I hate to play into the old "a woman can fix him" trope, it sounds like his fiancee is a strong woman and good for him. And also has solid family supports. I hope he continues to grow into more responsibility and finds a job soon. My daughter in law has been the best thing ever to happen to my younger son, N. They got married VERY quickly, and I had my doubts, but she is strong and lovely and seems to keep him on a steady course. She is a refugee from a war-torn country and puts up with ZERO shenanigans. I talk with her more than I talk to him now - we've gotten very close, even though they are across the country. And fatherhood has been a huge incentive for N as well. You never know when things will start to click. He is in a trade apprenticeship now and doing well. I've become a big advocate of trade schools and apprenticeships. These are solid skills that are in big demand, are highly transferable across regions, and aren't going to be outsourced overseas. For the most part, these aren't going to be jobs that are automated, either - at least in the near to medium term. I would love to see my eldest follow his brother's example here. It is hard to know what draws couples together. But years ago my sister said something beautiful about my brother in law I have not forgotten. They had a lot of ups and downs, but she said, "if the world were coming to an end tomorrow, he's still the person I would want by my side holding my hand." That has become my metric for a strong relationship. Do I trust this person enough that I would want them holding my hand at the end of the world? Do I think they would be a comfort or a hindrance in the ultimate crisis? I want all of my children to find the person they would want "at the end of the world." [/QUOTE]
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