difficult child 2 had his settlement hearing today. The public defender, DA and judge had a meeting before the hearing and offered difficult child 2 a deal where he has 6 months informal probation, 21 hours community service and goes through the diversion treatment program including anger management. Along with the usual stuff about going to school and curfew.
If he does all that they will completely dismiss the charges so there is no record at all. That is clearly a big shift from a felony with intent to do grave bodily harm. Glad we were able to explain the circumstances to everyone's satisfaction because I really didn't feel the felony charge was warranted.
I am drained - funny how just sitting around for 3+ hours waiting for a 10 minute conference and a 10 minute hearing just left me wanting to lay down and sleep the rest of the day. And cry.
I feel mad and sad all at once. difficult child 2 had this smirk on his face most of the time like he figured he was getting away with something - making all the adults dance to his tune because he had our undivided attention. When it was clear from my posture and distance that I was mad at him he accused me of being mad at him for no reason. REALLY? was all I could manage to say at that moment.
After I got calmer I told him he had better stop smiling like that when he goes into court because the judge is going to think that maybe this deal is not a good idea after all. He's like - what's wrong with smiling. The public defender was smiling when we talked to him. You were smiling.
I looked at his smirk and just wanted to slug him. I didn't of course. Instead I told him that once again he was trying to turn things around so they were about me and the court when it was all really about him and what he had done and the consequences of his actions.
That clearly stung him because he shut up for a while after that.
He still doesn't see himself as at fault in any way. It's all about us punishing him for no reason - again. Just so we can feel powerful and control him.
That scares me more than anything else. That inability/unwillingness to accept responsibility but to insist on blaming others or circumstances for his anger, mistakes and aggression.
P
If he does all that they will completely dismiss the charges so there is no record at all. That is clearly a big shift from a felony with intent to do grave bodily harm. Glad we were able to explain the circumstances to everyone's satisfaction because I really didn't feel the felony charge was warranted.
I am drained - funny how just sitting around for 3+ hours waiting for a 10 minute conference and a 10 minute hearing just left me wanting to lay down and sleep the rest of the day. And cry.
I feel mad and sad all at once. difficult child 2 had this smirk on his face most of the time like he figured he was getting away with something - making all the adults dance to his tune because he had our undivided attention. When it was clear from my posture and distance that I was mad at him he accused me of being mad at him for no reason. REALLY? was all I could manage to say at that moment.
After I got calmer I told him he had better stop smiling like that when he goes into court because the judge is going to think that maybe this deal is not a good idea after all. He's like - what's wrong with smiling. The public defender was smiling when we talked to him. You were smiling.
I looked at his smirk and just wanted to slug him. I didn't of course. Instead I told him that once again he was trying to turn things around so they were about me and the court when it was all really about him and what he had done and the consequences of his actions.
That clearly stung him because he shut up for a while after that.
He still doesn't see himself as at fault in any way. It's all about us punishing him for no reason - again. Just so we can feel powerful and control him.
That scares me more than anything else. That inability/unwillingness to accept responsibility but to insist on blaming others or circumstances for his anger, mistakes and aggression.
P