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Back in the dark lonesome hole.
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<blockquote data-quote="newstart" data-source="post: 722293" data-attributes="member: 22416"><p><em>Thank you Nomad. I think that my problem is that I want to see the best in others and my daugher does have good days, even good months but when she is breaking up with someone she is a monster. I have read every book you can think of, I have studied detatching, I did it for 3 months absolutely no contact, I had to ignore her knocks when she was knocking at my door and not answer the phone when she called using other peoples phones so I would think it was someone else on my called ID. If I ran into her at the gym or somewhere else, I would walk away. I took my voice off of the answering machine so she could not even hear that. I made myself invisible so she knew how it felt if I was gone. I totally detatched completely. It shocked her to the point it straightened her out for several years. This was harder to do than burying my son but I had to do it, I could not take the abuse. This last mania was the worst since that time which was in 2008. I really thought she had matured some and would not go back down that horrible road. She knows I have the strength to blow her off again, I know how short and fragile life is and what a waste of time her behavior is. I know she knows better. She said she is going to make it 'right' she is going to pay me back and I reminded her that I have it set up to make her pay me back by selling her nice home. There are times she should have been at work, she was out having fancy lunches and wasting time. No way do I want to support that lifestyle. She told me off the other day saying that I have it easy because her dad is successful. I told her that I made a healthy choice when I choose him to marry, plus I work hand in hand with him and if he was not a good fit I would not have stayed with him, she has been with her off/on boyfriend for over 7 years and it is a toxic mix, she tries to support both of them and in her mind she thinks her successful dad needs to just support both of them (Very imature). She is trying to dictate how we as a couple need to spend our money, she does not understand that it is our money and not hers. I guess what I need is a sounding board because I have done all that is suggested. I will not sit through hours of therapy with her anymore because the problem is with HER and she knows it. I use to sit through it with her for years because she did not want to go alone, we never got anywhere because of her belligerence. At one point the therapist told her she can't help any longer and called her a psychopath in front of me, I think the therapist was wore out with her no stop BS. My husband has a brother that is bipolar and moved to our town a few years ago. He tried to contact us a few times. My husband almost caved in but then I reminded him of the damage he has done for so many years and then he decided to not let him back in. Not just regular damage, deep down never forget make our life living hell type of damage. I told my husband I will not hold him back from opening that can of worms since it was his brother, but I am completely DONE with him. Having him in our lives in like asking me if I want to be mistreated, talked down to and ignored. NO thank you. I already have one out of control bipolar in my life that is draining my life forces no way would I take on another. When I was around my husbands family I almost ended up in the hospital from the abuse. I am grateful that my husband did not get this nasty illness. My side of the family is not perfect but at least they don't harrass and try to make our lives miserable. I have not met anyone that does not have some sort of dysfunction in their family. Our dream of buying a cabin deep in the woods and not leaving a forwarding address is sounding better and better. We are looking at property, seriously looking. I know my daughter knows right from wrong, I know she can do better, I know she knows how to help herself but chooses not to. I can not and will not do it for her anymore. My help in the past has just held her back that much more. I just hate to watch her fall on her butt but that is what needs to happen to make her grow. Dear God why can't she learn from her past? In 4.5 years she will be 40 and I will not keep riding this awful roller coaster. I do not like her, I love her. UGH.</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="newstart, post: 722293, member: 22416"] [I]Thank you Nomad. I think that my problem is that I want to see the best in others and my daugher does have good days, even good months but when she is breaking up with someone she is a monster. I have read every book you can think of, I have studied detatching, I did it for 3 months absolutely no contact, I had to ignore her knocks when she was knocking at my door and not answer the phone when she called using other peoples phones so I would think it was someone else on my called ID. If I ran into her at the gym or somewhere else, I would walk away. I took my voice off of the answering machine so she could not even hear that. I made myself invisible so she knew how it felt if I was gone. I totally detatched completely. It shocked her to the point it straightened her out for several years. This was harder to do than burying my son but I had to do it, I could not take the abuse. This last mania was the worst since that time which was in 2008. I really thought she had matured some and would not go back down that horrible road. She knows I have the strength to blow her off again, I know how short and fragile life is and what a waste of time her behavior is. I know she knows better. She said she is going to make it 'right' she is going to pay me back and I reminded her that I have it set up to make her pay me back by selling her nice home. There are times she should have been at work, she was out having fancy lunches and wasting time. No way do I want to support that lifestyle. She told me off the other day saying that I have it easy because her dad is successful. I told her that I made a healthy choice when I choose him to marry, plus I work hand in hand with him and if he was not a good fit I would not have stayed with him, she has been with her off/on boyfriend for over 7 years and it is a toxic mix, she tries to support both of them and in her mind she thinks her successful dad needs to just support both of them (Very imature). She is trying to dictate how we as a couple need to spend our money, she does not understand that it is our money and not hers. I guess what I need is a sounding board because I have done all that is suggested. I will not sit through hours of therapy with her anymore because the problem is with HER and she knows it. I use to sit through it with her for years because she did not want to go alone, we never got anywhere because of her belligerence. At one point the therapist told her she can't help any longer and called her a psychopath in front of me, I think the therapist was wore out with her no stop BS. My husband has a brother that is bipolar and moved to our town a few years ago. He tried to contact us a few times. My husband almost caved in but then I reminded him of the damage he has done for so many years and then he decided to not let him back in. Not just regular damage, deep down never forget make our life living hell type of damage. I told my husband I will not hold him back from opening that can of worms since it was his brother, but I am completely DONE with him. Having him in our lives in like asking me if I want to be mistreated, talked down to and ignored. NO thank you. I already have one out of control bipolar in my life that is draining my life forces no way would I take on another. When I was around my husbands family I almost ended up in the hospital from the abuse. I am grateful that my husband did not get this nasty illness. My side of the family is not perfect but at least they don't harrass and try to make our lives miserable. I have not met anyone that does not have some sort of dysfunction in their family. Our dream of buying a cabin deep in the woods and not leaving a forwarding address is sounding better and better. We are looking at property, seriously looking. I know my daughter knows right from wrong, I know she can do better, I know she knows how to help herself but chooses not to. I can not and will not do it for her anymore. My help in the past has just held her back that much more. I just hate to watch her fall on her butt but that is what needs to happen to make her grow. Dear God why can't she learn from her past? In 4.5 years she will be 40 and I will not keep riding this awful roller coaster. I do not like her, I love her. UGH.[/I] [/QUOTE]
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