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Failure to Thrive
Back on the merry-go-round
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 760285" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This is my weak link. When I insert my dreams, my yearnings, my fears, my worries, my expectations, what I would want...into my son, my expectations of him, or begin to become taken with "what I would want for him." </p><p></p><p>More than once my son has clearly told me. "I am not you." But the other side of the coin is he has learned to manipulate me through my fears, wishes, dreams, worries. It has become his power center in our relationship and maybe in his life. The one place where he has true power is in me. </p><p></p><p>Maybe this is true of all kids when they are babies, but it should not be the case at 32 years old! (I tell myself.)</p><p></p><p>I believe we don't have to throw out the baby with the bathwater. I can now catch myself (sooner rather than later) when I go to this place. </p><p></p><p>JP. Self-attack does nothing good. You're throwing out the baby with the bathwater. It's just to go back to the drawing board (to mix metaphors.) There is a place inside of you that is whole. That is love and acceptance. A centering. It's restoring relationships with ourselves. I think we have to find that place and insist that it be kept safe and that we structure our lives in such a way that keeps it pure.</p><p></p><p>You may have to go back to tightening boundaries again. To identify what practices you need to have to keep your own integrity. We may all have to do that periodically. An inventory. Maybe every day, every week, etc. But this does not mean we're wrong or bad. We just got out of sync with ourselves and our needs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 760285, member: 18958"] This is my weak link. When I insert my dreams, my yearnings, my fears, my worries, my expectations, what I would want...into my son, my expectations of him, or begin to become taken with "what I would want for him." More than once my son has clearly told me. "I am not you." But the other side of the coin is he has learned to manipulate me through my fears, wishes, dreams, worries. It has become his power center in our relationship and maybe in his life. The one place where he has true power is in me. Maybe this is true of all kids when they are babies, but it should not be the case at 32 years old! (I tell myself.) I believe we don't have to throw out the baby with the bathwater. I can now catch myself (sooner rather than later) when I go to this place. JP. Self-attack does nothing good. You're throwing out the baby with the bathwater. It's just to go back to the drawing board (to mix metaphors.) There is a place inside of you that is whole. That is love and acceptance. A centering. It's restoring relationships with ourselves. I think we have to find that place and insist that it be kept safe and that we structure our lives in such a way that keeps it pure. You may have to go back to tightening boundaries again. To identify what practices you need to have to keep your own integrity. We may all have to do that periodically. An inventory. Maybe every day, every week, etc. But this does not mean we're wrong or bad. We just got out of sync with ourselves and our needs. [/QUOTE]
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