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Back to the Board again after many years, son is now a raging alcoholic too!
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 716359" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>(((((hugs)))))</p><p></p><p>I am sorry that things have been so difficult. It is time to start thinking of him as a full grown man, not that little boy with skinned knees you were responsible for. If he is homeless, it is not your responsibility to care for him. No mother wants that for her child, of course. But a mother cannot want her child to function more than the child wants it. By paying any of his bills, you are just leaving more money for him to drink with. I do know how hard it is. My brother is an alcoholic. I have seen and done about everything to stop/control his drinking. </p><p></p><p>There is an article on detachment, I think in the beginning of the Substance Abuse Forum. Read it and start to absorb it. It is amazingly helpful. If you are not going to alanon meetings, please go. They truly can be very helpful. </p><p></p><p>You are not responsible for your grown adult son's choices. He is CHOOSING to not function. Yes, alcoholism is a disease, but he is choosing not to get treatment., That is a choice and you do not have to choose to be sick with him. You can CHOOSE to not throw good money after bad, to get healthy, and to not be codependent with him. Part of this is letting him live with the consequences of his actions, even if that means homelessness or even jail if he gets a DUI.</p><p></p><p>If he hasn't ever had to face either of those things, they may be a real eye opener. They might even be what he needs. They might be the harsh reality that hurts enough to make him want to change and accept help. You never know. It actually isn't something you can control.</p><p></p><p>All you can control is you. If you stop giving in to him, supporting him and his bad choices, you will be able to make healthier choices for yourself. You will become healthier and learn more about yourself. He won't life it, and it won't be easy. You will have to deal with your own FOG (Fear, Obligation, and Guilt) along with a lot of other feelings. But in the long run, you will be better and stronger for it. </p><p></p><p>Who knows, maybe he won't become homeless? Maybe not having your support will be the wake-up call he needs and he will do what needs to be done. You really just never know. It simply is not within your control. It is in his control, and in the Higher Power's control </p><p></p><p>I do know how hard this sounds, and is. Know that you won't be alone. We are always here, and if you join alanon or narc anon, they will always be there. NAMI also has wonderful support groups. </p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 716359, member: 1233"] (((((hugs))))) I am sorry that things have been so difficult. It is time to start thinking of him as a full grown man, not that little boy with skinned knees you were responsible for. If he is homeless, it is not your responsibility to care for him. No mother wants that for her child, of course. But a mother cannot want her child to function more than the child wants it. By paying any of his bills, you are just leaving more money for him to drink with. I do know how hard it is. My brother is an alcoholic. I have seen and done about everything to stop/control his drinking. There is an article on detachment, I think in the beginning of the Substance Abuse Forum. Read it and start to absorb it. It is amazingly helpful. If you are not going to alanon meetings, please go. They truly can be very helpful. You are not responsible for your grown adult son's choices. He is CHOOSING to not function. Yes, alcoholism is a disease, but he is choosing not to get treatment., That is a choice and you do not have to choose to be sick with him. You can CHOOSE to not throw good money after bad, to get healthy, and to not be codependent with him. Part of this is letting him live with the consequences of his actions, even if that means homelessness or even jail if he gets a DUI. If he hasn't ever had to face either of those things, they may be a real eye opener. They might even be what he needs. They might be the harsh reality that hurts enough to make him want to change and accept help. You never know. It actually isn't something you can control. All you can control is you. If you stop giving in to him, supporting him and his bad choices, you will be able to make healthier choices for yourself. You will become healthier and learn more about yourself. He won't life it, and it won't be easy. You will have to deal with your own FOG (Fear, Obligation, and Guilt) along with a lot of other feelings. But in the long run, you will be better and stronger for it. Who knows, maybe he won't become homeless? Maybe not having your support will be the wake-up call he needs and he will do what needs to be done. You really just never know. It simply is not within your control. It is in his control, and in the Higher Power's control I do know how hard this sounds, and is. Know that you won't be alone. We are always here, and if you join alanon or narc anon, they will always be there. NAMI also has wonderful support groups. (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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Back to the Board again after many years, son is now a raging alcoholic too!
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