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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 708701" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Welcome back and sorry you are going through this.</p><p></p><p>If I were you I'd seek out therapy to help you maintain healthy boundaries. Also support groups can be helpful for some but I prefer single therapy for myself. This really has helped me tremendously and it is helping my son also.</p><p></p><p>Your son is a grown man. His sobriety is really up to him. He will sink or swim on his own. You told him you love him and that's all you need to do at this point. There is nothing YOU can do to make HIM want to be sober. I had to learn this the hard way. I was running circles around my son for five years plus and I am beyond exhausted.</p><p></p><p>We sent our son out of state to sober living after his fourth in patient rehab a year ago. It was a wonderful place. We could not have him home again and I wanted him someplace warm in case he ended up homeless. I couldn't handle him in our home for one more minute. I wanted to live in peace and that was not going to happen as long as he was in our home. He was either using or sober and sitting on the couch playing games and watching TV and waiting for God knows what to happen to change his life. We couldn't take it anymore. It was all so dysfunctional.</p><p></p><p>He has had a few major setbacks while away but is slowly getting on track. I didn't want to wake up one day with a 30 year old man with a hairy chest demanding what we were going to do for him next. I really don't think he wanted that for himself either but he was stuck. He is now working and taking a college class and will go full time in the fall (waiting for residency). If you had told me this a year ago I never would have believed it was possible. I know he isn't out of the woods yet.</p><p></p><p>You can't make him change but you can change and in the end hopefully he will see that he is responsible for his own life. I tell my son to try to do something positive every day of his life. I don't know if he will listen but at least it gives him something to think about.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 708701, member: 15032"] Welcome back and sorry you are going through this. If I were you I'd seek out therapy to help you maintain healthy boundaries. Also support groups can be helpful for some but I prefer single therapy for myself. This really has helped me tremendously and it is helping my son also. Your son is a grown man. His sobriety is really up to him. He will sink or swim on his own. You told him you love him and that's all you need to do at this point. There is nothing YOU can do to make HIM want to be sober. I had to learn this the hard way. I was running circles around my son for five years plus and I am beyond exhausted. We sent our son out of state to sober living after his fourth in patient rehab a year ago. It was a wonderful place. We could not have him home again and I wanted him someplace warm in case he ended up homeless. I couldn't handle him in our home for one more minute. I wanted to live in peace and that was not going to happen as long as he was in our home. He was either using or sober and sitting on the couch playing games and watching TV and waiting for God knows what to happen to change his life. We couldn't take it anymore. It was all so dysfunctional. He has had a few major setbacks while away but is slowly getting on track. I didn't want to wake up one day with a 30 year old man with a hairy chest demanding what we were going to do for him next. I really don't think he wanted that for himself either but he was stuck. He is now working and taking a college class and will go full time in the fall (waiting for residency). If you had told me this a year ago I never would have believed it was possible. I know he isn't out of the woods yet. You can't make him change but you can change and in the end hopefully he will see that he is responsible for his own life. I tell my son to try to do something positive every day of his life. I don't know if he will listen but at least it gives him something to think about. [/QUOTE]
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