Bad, bad news

[lovemyson1]

Somewhere, it's so very true what you are saying. And yes, my husband and I are guilty of getting excited and thinking we could bring him home and help him. We both finally realize that bringing him home only enables him. He even admitted that because he knew he was living there for free, he could miss work, and get high. On his own, he will need to think about his decisions more carefully and he will have obligations. He's been sleeping in his car and his girlfriend said she let him sleep over too. He texted me and said, "I love you, I did have a small slip but I'm not going to fall, I'm pushing forward and doing the right thing, just know I'm doing good and I love you" Then he said, "I should have a spot in less than a week tho " So looks like he's finding his way. His "small slip up" is MAJOR to me! However, as we all know, he needs to want to change, he needs to hate this drug and what it's done to him and eveyone who cares for him. He also told my husband that he got a job making $3,000 a month. He seems to be proud of himself. So I guess I will watch and see. Actions are the only thing I'm looking for. But no matter what, he won't live with us again. I'm hoping and praying that he has the strength to resist this evil drug and that he doesn't harm himself or others in the process. Thank you again for you words of wisdom and encouragement.

 

[Nancy]

So may times I heard my daughter say she was sorry and she would stop. It was so so hard making her leave when she played that tune. I so understand how you are feeling. So many times I wanted to believe her and I did until I couldn't believe her anymore. He has to want to quit. Maybe this time he will. But at least he will know he can't use you as his rebound.

Sending good thoughts and supportive hugs LMS.

 

[comatheart]

Actions do speak louder than words. Especially when we're dealing with addiction! Just love him and support him from affar. Take care of yourself!

 

[pasajes4]

It is so hard to watch someone you love put themselves through so much hell.

 

[Childofmine]

If you can, visualize this: Getting out of the way so he can keep walking his very own path with his Higher Power (even if it's Mother Earth, the universe, all things good, a door knob).

I see myself as blocking the path when I get involved.

Then I see myself as stepping off of the path, and watching as my son and his Higher Power walk together down the path away from me, getting smaller and smaller.

I believe this is what has to happen with our adult children (DCs or otherwise).

This image has helped me.

 

[lovemyson1]

Thanks childofmine, it's true we need to step aside. We were just saying last night how he would still be in the men's home, drug free, walking faithfully. We feel pretty dumb for being deceived by him and thinking that he was ready. He is such a great talker!! I truly believe we understand now. We are letting go. I just hope & pray he doesn't hurt himself or others in his walk.

 

[InsaneCdn]

He is such a great talker!!

Just my opinion here (based on GFGbro)... when they really ARE ready to move forward, there is much less need for talk.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

InsaneCdn - that is SO right on...

 

[lovemyson1]

Yes I agree. I am just watching now.

 

[lovemyson1]

Thank you copabanana, your kind words are very comforting. I am hard on myself as many of us are. Your words are right though. It's just a difficult situation and one I never planned to encounter. Thank you again!

 

[PatriotsGirl]

^^ Amen....so, so true....

 

[BusynMember]

Words are easy to say. We often mean what we say when we say it. Doing what we want to do, rather than saying it, is harder.

I have learned to go by "actions speak louder than words."

I am currently dealing more with family that is not my grown children, and I have learned that, whoever anyone is in our lives, look at how they behave, rather than what they say. That will be a better prediction of what the outcome will be. I have learned the hard way that "actions speak louder than words."

 

[lovemyson1]

Very true Somewhere. That goes for everyone! I'm learning and getting stronger every day. Hubby too! Just found out my sons girlfriend has been letting him stay with her. I'm pretty unhappy about this since it's just enabling him again. UGH!!!

 

[InsaneCdn]

I'm pretty unhappy about this since it's just enabling him again. UGH!!!

We can't control other people. She is going to have to learn for herself... unfortunately.

 

[BusynMember]

We don't have to enable dangerous behavior, but we can't stop others from doing it. As long as we are not contributing, it is none of our business, really. They'll catch on.

 

[AppleCori]

I am so sorry that your son relapsed.

Hope he gets back on track!

We are rooting for him!

 

[lovemyson1]

Yes, his girlfriend is very-wishy washy and constantly says she's breaking up with him, not letting him stay, etc.. Then they're together again. I am over it. I'm staying out of it because I can't control her or him. I don't even know if he's used again since the one time we found out last week. So, deep down, I'm hoping he is staying away from it. But I have no idea and I'm just living my life, enjoying my lovely daughters, grandson & husband. Time will tell. Thank you all for your words of widsom, encouragement and hope. ((hugs))!!