Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Bad choices
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 760357" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Hi again.</p><p></p><p>I did not in any way mean to cut contact. Certainly talk to her. But I meant to stay out of her business, even if you don't like her decisions. I am in Nar Anon too and that is what we learn...that our ability to change anyone ends at the tis if our noses. We do nobody good by trying to change our children. At a certain time they won't listen or even want to see you much if you try to do so. Do you want to know possible future grand kids? Then you need to stop social media sneaking, giving ultimatums regarding even icky boyfriend's and being there ,ONLY if you are truly wanted for support. Unwanted advice is not useful and causes estrangement at times and at other time your kid digs in her heels and decides to love this creep even more. My own daughter did that back in the days before Nar Anon when we threatened to punish her for not dumping her now husband. RNs soon very fortunately decided young that he wanted to change and I'm so happy for all of them. But he was a willing partner in his great transformation or it would not have worked.</p><p></p><p>So ...detach from your daughter's person life and set reasonable boundaries but in my opinion and experience don't give her your opinion on what to do with her life. Don't get angry. She has to learn. Or not. if you read our stories you will see how little our demands worked. We can pray...but we have no control over another person no matter how much we love the person.</p><p></p><p>Our own lives matter and we can't have lived if our mind is always on our adult child. Find new hobbies, new friends, read, watch goofy happy comedy's, done read the news much (I rarely do...nothing but fear there), exercise more, sew, paint, write, make a journal go to Nar Anon and therapy or both. Your fear of an unknown future for your daughter helps nobody</p><p></p><p>That ego chatterbox mean girl four voice in your head is your biggest enemy. I have learned not to listen to it's horror stories. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. We only have today</p><p></p><p>Mindfulness changed my life and I do two guided meditations a day. Many are on YouTube. You can find the ones you like most for peace</p><p></p><p>I always picture my finger sliding to the end of my nose now for that is all and the only power I have. Me and how I chose to handle me and live my life.</p><p></p><p>You are in total control of You. Take advantage of what you can do and what you can't. Talk to your daughter but listen a lot and don't tell her what to do. As one who once did, that leads to madness, grief and often some degree of estrangement .</p><p></p><p>I wish I could hug you. Do love yourself to the moon and get therapy or go to Nar Anon if you can't. My husband and I did this and found peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 760357, member: 23706"] Hi again. I did not in any way mean to cut contact. Certainly talk to her. But I meant to stay out of her business, even if you don't like her decisions. I am in Nar Anon too and that is what we learn...that our ability to change anyone ends at the tis if our noses. We do nobody good by trying to change our children. At a certain time they won't listen or even want to see you much if you try to do so. Do you want to know possible future grand kids? Then you need to stop social media sneaking, giving ultimatums regarding even icky boyfriend's and being there ,ONLY if you are truly wanted for support. Unwanted advice is not useful and causes estrangement at times and at other time your kid digs in her heels and decides to love this creep even more. My own daughter did that back in the days before Nar Anon when we threatened to punish her for not dumping her now husband. RNs soon very fortunately decided young that he wanted to change and I'm so happy for all of them. But he was a willing partner in his great transformation or it would not have worked. So ...detach from your daughter's person life and set reasonable boundaries but in my opinion and experience don't give her your opinion on what to do with her life. Don't get angry. She has to learn. Or not. if you read our stories you will see how little our demands worked. We can pray...but we have no control over another person no matter how much we love the person. Our own lives matter and we can't have lived if our mind is always on our adult child. Find new hobbies, new friends, read, watch goofy happy comedy's, done read the news much (I rarely do...nothing but fear there), exercise more, sew, paint, write, make a journal go to Nar Anon and therapy or both. Your fear of an unknown future for your daughter helps nobody That ego chatterbox mean girl four voice in your head is your biggest enemy. I have learned not to listen to it's horror stories. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. We only have today Mindfulness changed my life and I do two guided meditations a day. Many are on YouTube. You can find the ones you like most for peace I always picture my finger sliding to the end of my nose now for that is all and the only power I have. Me and how I chose to handle me and live my life. You are in total control of You. Take advantage of what you can do and what you can't. Talk to your daughter but listen a lot and don't tell her what to do. As one who once did, that leads to madness, grief and often some degree of estrangement . I wish I could hug you. Do love yourself to the moon and get therapy or go to Nar Anon if you can't. My husband and I did this and found peace. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Bad choices
Top