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Bad Day.. And its not even over yet... Also should kids have simple chores?
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 657699" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Is there a way for you to make a little time for self appreciation, Confused? It isn't that we aren't doing everything really well, it's that there are no guideposts to see it. The kids are never going to give you an "attaboy" or appreciate the hard things you are teaching them. Part of being the mom is meeting everyone else's needs for every single thing that comes up and not even hearing a "Thanks, Mom! Now I see what you meant." So, because we all need appreciation for what we have accomplished, and because you're the mom and no one is ever going to compliment or notice one single thing you do <em>unless you haven't done it</em>, you will feel so much better about everything if you can find some way to provide those things for yourself. </p><p></p><p>This is my suggestion: Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnack. One to two page writings to read every day or whenever we get to it or need it, about gratitude, and about being a woman, and about time and marking time and appreciating our time we are in.</p><p></p><p>We did not have that book when my kids were little, but most of the moms were home then. So we could vent, and complain about our husbands and our mistakes and the crappy dinner we made last night. By the time my daughter had her children, everything was so different. The mother role had fallen into disrepute. But all the things a mom does still had to be done. And they usually got done by the mom <em>who was also working.</em></p><p></p><p>You have reason to be stressed. Executives do not deal with the stress you do. They have vacations and they get to dress up and take a break once in awhile.</p><p></p><p>Not to mention the money.</p><p></p><p>And everyone thinks they are important and so do they.</p><p></p><p>You don't get to do that.</p><p></p><p>When I got my first part time job? I was just so pleased to be out there in the world again, wearing actual clothing that I chose instead of whatever was clean. I was so happy about it I could hardly believe they gave me money, too.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Being the mom <em>is</em> stressful. No one says thanks, no one gives us a paycheck so we can at least see something for all that work we have done. No one says we look nice today, no one gives us the right to a sick day or a promotion. At my house? No one ever liked their dinner, and they thought I packed crummy lunches compared to the other moms <em>who would actually pack things like Twinkies. For which my kids would trade their healthy dessert stuff that I made just for them.</em> Plus, they said they had a bad lunch rep because dessert is not supposed to have things like carrots or nuts in it. </p><p></p><p>And then there was the mom who could cook with carob. So her kids never knew their lunches were healthy. <em>And they had good lunch room reps.</em></p><p></p><p>Roar!</p><p></p><p>And no matter how much I cleaned or whatever thing I did, it all had to be done again the next day.</p><p></p><p>That is why I liked to paint walls. That lasted. Mowing grass. That lasted more than one day. Planting things. That lasted more than one day. </p><p></p><p>No one appreciates the mom.</p><p></p><p>I think if you can make a time for yourself with a soak in the tub, or with a special bedtime ritual, or just by taking a moment in the morning to look into the mirror and appreciate how well you are accomplishing the monumental, neverending, forever non-appreciated thing it is to raise children and run a home and take care of family and prepare for your career ~ whew.</p><p></p><p>You are doing it all, Confused.</p><p></p><p>And you are doing it well, or you would not be so conscientious about trying to do the impossible, better.</p><p></p><p>That's the other thing about being the mom. We are our own worst bosses. We are like bad masters, beating their horses half to death without feeding or resting them properly. Thoroughbreds do not win the Derby or the Preakness or the Belmont Stakes without adequate exercise, nutrition, and rest. Someone grooms them, and whispers in their ears how wonderful they are and tells them they are winners.</p><p></p><p>You need to do that for yourself too, Confused.</p><p></p><p>Being the mom was way harder than working, or taking that degree with honors, or being the supervising nurse. All that stuff was just what I did, and there was a time limit, an end point, for all of it. But boy, the second I walked in the house, all bets were off.</p><p></p><p>Whatever was happening, I had to deal with it pleasantly, and efficiently and remembering, the whole freaking time, that I did not want to create life long emotional scars in my children whether I especially liked them that day or not.</p><p></p><p>Man, it was tough.</p><p></p><p>I think I could not be a mom, now. I just don't have the energy or the patience, anymore.</p><p></p><p>I am barely a good grandma.</p><p></p><p>True.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 657699, member: 17461"] Is there a way for you to make a little time for self appreciation, Confused? It isn't that we aren't doing everything really well, it's that there are no guideposts to see it. The kids are never going to give you an "attaboy" or appreciate the hard things you are teaching them. Part of being the mom is meeting everyone else's needs for every single thing that comes up and not even hearing a "Thanks, Mom! Now I see what you meant." So, because we all need appreciation for what we have accomplished, and because you're the mom and no one is ever going to compliment or notice one single thing you do [I]unless you haven't done it[/I], you will feel so much better about everything if you can find some way to provide those things for yourself. This is my suggestion: Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnack. One to two page writings to read every day or whenever we get to it or need it, about gratitude, and about being a woman, and about time and marking time and appreciating our time we are in. We did not have that book when my kids were little, but most of the moms were home then. So we could vent, and complain about our husbands and our mistakes and the crappy dinner we made last night. By the time my daughter had her children, everything was so different. The mother role had fallen into disrepute. But all the things a mom does still had to be done. And they usually got done by the mom [I]who was also working.[/I] You have reason to be stressed. Executives do not deal with the stress you do. They have vacations and they get to dress up and take a break once in awhile. Not to mention the money. And everyone thinks they are important and so do they. You don't get to do that. When I got my first part time job? I was just so pleased to be out there in the world again, wearing actual clothing that I chose instead of whatever was clean. I was so happy about it I could hardly believe they gave me money, too. :O) Being the mom [I]is[/I] stressful. No one says thanks, no one gives us a paycheck so we can at least see something for all that work we have done. No one says we look nice today, no one gives us the right to a sick day or a promotion. At my house? No one ever liked their dinner, and they thought I packed crummy lunches compared to the other moms [I]who would actually pack things like Twinkies. For which my kids would trade their healthy dessert stuff that I made just for them.[/I] Plus, they said they had a bad lunch rep because dessert is not supposed to have things like carrots or nuts in it. And then there was the mom who could cook with carob. So her kids never knew their lunches were healthy. [I]And they had good lunch room reps.[/I] Roar! And no matter how much I cleaned or whatever thing I did, it all had to be done again the next day. That is why I liked to paint walls. That lasted. Mowing grass. That lasted more than one day. Planting things. That lasted more than one day. No one appreciates the mom. I think if you can make a time for yourself with a soak in the tub, or with a special bedtime ritual, or just by taking a moment in the morning to look into the mirror and appreciate how well you are accomplishing the monumental, neverending, forever non-appreciated thing it is to raise children and run a home and take care of family and prepare for your career ~ whew. You are doing it all, Confused. And you are doing it well, or you would not be so conscientious about trying to do the impossible, better. That's the other thing about being the mom. We are our own worst bosses. We are like bad masters, beating their horses half to death without feeding or resting them properly. Thoroughbreds do not win the Derby or the Preakness or the Belmont Stakes without adequate exercise, nutrition, and rest. Someone grooms them, and whispers in their ears how wonderful they are and tells them they are winners. You need to do that for yourself too, Confused. Being the mom was way harder than working, or taking that degree with honors, or being the supervising nurse. All that stuff was just what I did, and there was a time limit, an end point, for all of it. But boy, the second I walked in the house, all bets were off. Whatever was happening, I had to deal with it pleasantly, and efficiently and remembering, the whole freaking time, that I did not want to create life long emotional scars in my children whether I especially liked them that day or not. Man, it was tough. I think I could not be a mom, now. I just don't have the energy or the patience, anymore. I am barely a good grandma. True. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Bad Day.. And its not even over yet... Also should kids have simple chores?
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