Bad dream

[buddy]

I was telling someone about my plans if something ever happened to me and if I couldn't care for difficult child. It must have sunk in my subconscious because:

I had a terrible dream that I had just had some kind of surgery and a generous doctor had done it all for free. Then he came to me and said there was a woman who needed a liver and we were a perfect match. He said he had the surgery all set up. I at first agreed because she was right next to me and her kids needed her. But then when he walked out I asked questions and found out I might have all these complications (yes I know in real life you need your liver!) and might grow forever and all these other crazy things. Then I said to her I am so sorry but I can't do it, I have a child to care for. The doctor came back and she told him so he said he was going to kick me out and I was going to have to pay huge bills. I actually re-thought it. I had to hold the woman's hand and appologize. I tried to call other doctors to see if there was another way, could she have half my liver? This guy wanted me to give it all.

I woke so upset. I wanted to go back to sleep and get a patient advocate and do all the normal things I would do but I just had to work thru it myself. Yuck.

 

[TerryJ2]

Obviously, you are over-extended and people are making you feel guilty for not giving every single piece of you. No. More. Guilt. Repeat after me: No. More. Guilt.

 

[Wiped Out]

(((hugs))) I hate unsettling dreams.

 

[Hound dog]

((hugs))

You're a warrior mom even in your dreams. lol

I hate dreams like that though.

 

[keista]

((((HUGS)))) I had a different but similar premise dream shortly after joining this board. I think Terry got it right. It's not so much about what would happen if something happened to you, but about you giving up ALL of yourself. You shouldn't have to, and should not feel guilty about it.

 

[buddy]

Interesting thoughts. Strange that I dont think I actually feel too much big guilt, and I talk myself out of most guilt I do feel, but afterall, I was raised Catholic! The idea of not being able to give all of me though kind of made my heart beat an extra one...hmmmmm....will think on it....still feel unsettled from the experience.

 

[Liahona]

I hate dreams that leave me searching for a happy ending even after I wake up.

 

[hearts and roses]

Ditto what Terry said! Even though you 'talk yourself out of felling guilt' your subconscious feels otherwise.

Of course, we all wish we could meet all the expectations of others as well as our own. But realistically we cannot. All we can do is live our truth and do our best. But above all, we must care for ourselves first---if you gave all of yourself all of the time, you would cease to exist....if you gave all of your liver, you would cease to exist.

Practice doing less for others and little seemingly insignificant things for you only. You will be amazed at how these small things you afford yourself will enable you to be there for others without feeling drained of everything you have. When we are fulfilled, we're able to give more freely and without feeing overwhelmed. Practice saying no and practice delegating to others. It works! Hugs

 

[TerryJ2]

Just checking in to make sure you've been sleeping well and that you still have all of your body parts.

I was raised Catholic, too.

 

[buddy]

Just checking in to make sure you've been sleeping well and that you still have all of your body parts.

I was raised Catholic, too.

Thanks for the smile.. YES I did sleep better. Still lots of dreams, really involved but not upsetting. I obviously am sorting through things in my sleep, I dont remember ever having this many stories going on in my sleep. I know for sure I do feel more stressed this past month and I have lost weight without really trying (being poor plus stressed, but I need to lose the weight so that part is okay). It is just a new kind of feeling, like I am so much more controlled on the outside but the inside is less in control. Just a little shift in how I feel. Not dramatic, just different.