I'd have reported her post to FB as abusive. That is definitely not acceptable.
You've had some good advice and you've also taken your own steps. This sort of thing hurts for a while, though, because you opened yourself up to this person over many years, and now you find (she says) that it was all a sham. It makes you feel a fool, it makes you feel belittled and it also makes you feel unlovable.
Please be aware that this is her intention. She is hurting (because of crud in her own life - who knows?) and is projecting this onto you. it's a "misery loves company" thing, if she can make you feel worse, then she shouldn't need to feel so bad. it's sick, it's twisted and you don't need it.
Also sick and twisted - to be the person who blocks someone else, then quietly unblocks them purely so snooping can happen. That is really sick.
I also need to tell you a story - I don't think I shared much about it here, it was a bit too hurtful at the time. easy child 2/difficult child 2's BFF for years was a neighbour who was having big problems at home. Her mother was frankly a nut case. The girl had grown up with an absent father who had just walked out without a word. Her big sister a few years later walked out and never got in touch. Her mother basically said, "good riddance to them both," and told her remaining two kids just how much she had put up with.
easy child 2/difficult child 2 was in that house every day. BFF visited our house every day. easy child 2/difficult child 2 helped BFF with schoolwork and did some maths coaching with her.
Then when BFF was about 15, her mother threw her out. She came home from school to find the locks changed and her bags on the porch. She was cut out of her little brother's life and she began to realise that perhaps her father and her older sister were not the ones at fault that she had been brainwashed to believe.
We supported BFF through this although she chose to live with friends, not us. The friends were closer to her school. We stayed in touch, invited BFF to our family events. easy child 2/difficult child 2 invited BFF to her 21st party, by this stage BFF had reconciled with her father and older sister but was not in touch with her baby brother. I was, but he was wary of me because he knew I was talking to his sister.
We supported BFF through several boyfriends. easy child 2/difficult child 2 especially was there for her.
BFF was bridesmaid at easy child 2/difficult child 2's wedding. The only non-relative in the bridal party. They still did a lot together. But at the wedding, we met BFF's new boyfriend for the first time. He was a lot older than previous guys she'd been with. We didn't know him but invited him to the wedding for BFF's sake.
Then things went a bit weird. The friendship seemed to cool and we never worked out why. Nothing was said, easy child 2/difficult child 2 would still ring her friend up to talk, and send her FB messages all the time. They lived in different cities so phone calls weren't easy, but whenever BFF was heading our way, they would arrange to meet or have BFF sleep over. Suddenly this stopped happening and BFF began to make excuses.
BFF by this time was engaged to the older guy. She kept talking excitedly on Facebook about her upcoming wedding. Now, easy child 2/difficult child 2 had no idea that there were any problems. She had offered to sew her friend's weedding veil for her, but the request didn't come. She repeated the offer, there was no response. Then BFF started Facebooking excitedly about how she had the best bridesmaids in the world, all her best friends. But she hadn't asked easy child 2/difficult child 2 even though they had always said they were best friends, they would be each other's bridesmaids. Okay, people change. easy child 2/difficult child 2 felt a little hurt but said nothing. Continued to be friendly and try to organise to meet up with her friend.
I'm not sure when my daughter realised BFF was actively avoiding her. But it was the associated meanness which finally was put into perspective when the wedding invitations went out and easy child 2/difficult child 2 was not invited. She sent her friend a PM asking if she was invited, said she was embarrassed to have to ask. Meanwhile BFF was posting things like, "We got our first RSVP today! I am so looking forward to seeing you!" and every little thing was posted with gushing excitement. Over the top. Remember, I know this girl, this did not ring true.
We finally worked out, she was trying to be nasty to easy child 2/difficult child 2. So easy child 2/difficult child 2 posted (privately) that she was hurt to not be invited, especially with the reason given that they had not seen each other for the previous 12 months. easy child 2/difficult child 2 said she had tried, but BFF was never available. She asked if there was a problem, could they resolve it? It was no longer an issue about the wedding invitation, that was off the table. But any problem should be resolved, even if it meant that BFF used this as a way to finish the friendship formally.
The other hurtful thing - others on the guest list (which was so public it was embarrassing) included a really good friend of easy child 2/difficult child 2's, who BFF had only met at easy child 2/difficult child 2's wedding. This girl had no idea why she was invited and felt very embarrassed about it. It was what made it clear that all this, the whole build-up, was calculated nastiness. It seemed to me to be very OTT (and a big concern) to go to such lengths to hurt someone for no apparent reason that was ever given. BFF did post publicly thins like "Some people should just get over themselves," and by the comments posted afterwards by her friends (whose names I came to recognise as very much associated with nastiness) made it clear that they were talking about my daughter and had been 'told' stuff in detail - more than we had been told. Laughing at in jokes at our expense, type of stuff.
We discussed some strategies, but especially focussed on being nicer about things than other people. SIL2 made the mistake of sending a text message to BFF (now former BFF) saying that she had hurt easy child 2/difficult child 2 terribly. He got a really vicious PM back from the fiance which twisted his words into nastiness. easy child 2/difficult child 2 backed right off and did her best to emotionally distance herself from her former friend.
We were all still friends on Facebook, however, so everything this girl posted about her wedding, was coming up on our pages. easy child 2/difficult child 2 was just ignoring it, but occasionally the exBFF would post something on her page that was nasty, in response to some good news easy child 2/difficult child 2 posted on her page. So I started to respond. As a former parental figure in this girl's life (and her brother's) I felt I had the right. I suggested she finalise her issues with past hurts so she (and we) could move on to a healthy future. I said we would never unfriend her, but if she found my words distressing, she would have to make that choice.
We were unfriended within hours. It was a relief, because this girl had finally made a decision, an active decision that she would have to take personal responsibility for. By trying to be nasty, she had (to my mind) been trying to force easy child 2/difficult child 2 to be the one to end the friendship, so exBFF could say (even if just to herself,) "See? she was the one being mean to me after all!"
The interesting thing - exBFF only unfriended me, easy child 2/difficult child 2 and SIL2. Her exchange had only been with me, but I admit I did goad her to be honest and unfriend my daughter instead of trying to hurt her with no explanation. ExBFF is still FB friends with other kids of mine which I frankly find sick. I occasionally see her posts pop up, but there is a different feel to them mostly. Her capacity to hurt my girl has been curtailed. However, I don't trust her to not do what your ex-friend did, CB, and surreptitiously lift the ban. I suspect she may also use her FB friend status with my other kids, to 'stalk' easy child 2/difficult child 2, just to make sure we're not talking about her. Which we're not, and never did publicly anyway.
easy child 2/difficult child 2 was so excited when she found out she was pregnant (before ex-BFF's wedding). She was sad, though, that she did not have her BFF to telephone immediately to share the excitement. All the moments she had thought they would share, all gone.
Last week easy child 2/difficult child 2 saw her therapist and discussed the situation with him. She told me afterwards that he said she had handled it well, and that he agreed with her - BFF was turning into her mother.
We also have speculated that exBFF's new hubby is very controlling and very conservative, may have been actively cutting easy child 2/difficult child 2 out of his wife's support system. The thing is, she let it happen. She knows where to find us if she ever needs help, but for now - you're on your own, kid. And as I said to easy child 2/difficult child 2 - if her friendship has gone toxic, this was always going to happen and it's best to find out earlier rather than later.
Best thing anyone can do in this situation, is back away carefully and protect yourself from attack. Because generally, in this situation, it's not about you no matter what the other person says. Resolve any hurt you may have caused, then move on in the knowledge that you met your responsibilities.
Marg
