Bad morning. Can it just be Friday already?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Californiablonde, Sep 19, 2012.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    This day has not started off good. First of all I've been having trouble staying asleep so I woke up several times throughout the night. Then difficult child 2 decides to wake up early at 4:00 a.m. to do homework that he chose not to finish at daycare. He turned on all the lights in the house to do it. difficult child 1 woke up and started cussing at him to turn the lights off so she could sleep. Both difficult children started arguing. I got on difficult child 2's case about not finishing the work in daycare like he's supposed to. He told me he didn't "feel like it " at the time so he's doing it now. Told me he needs to finish it all or he will get a zero if he misses even one problem.

    Apparently the math teacher is very strict and doesn't accept late or incomplete work. Math is difficult child's best subject. He is getting an A +. He wants to make it stay that way. So if he's so worried about the grade, why not do it after school like he's supposed to? Ugh. So of course by this time I can't get back to sleep. Normally I wake up at 5:45 each morning and by the time the alarm went off I was already up for a good two hours anyway. Then I hop in the shower and I hear difficult child's start to fight again. I hear difficult child 1 swearing and using the f word. By the time I get out thankfully they've stopped.

    Then my mom calls at 6:00. MInd you she's retired and likes to sleep in, so when she gets up extra early on purpose it's not good. First thing she says to me when she gets on the phone is, "You're not sleeping well. Be honest with me cause I know for a fact that you aren't." Well last night I posted on facebook that I was having a hard time sleeping lately and was hoping I would get better rest that evening. My brother, my niece, and my sister in law are all friends with me. One of them blabbed about my not sleeping to my mom. This is not the first time this has happened. I've posted statuses in the past and had other family members tell on me to my mom. Stuff that I didn't mind my friends knowing, but stuff I have purposely not told my mom because I didn't want her to know. My family members are facebook spies. They never post statuses of their own, they don't comment on any statuses, and they don't like anything. But they do repeat every little thing someone has said and report it directly to my mom.

    I did not want my mom to know I haven't been sleeping. She stresses out over every little thing that goes wrong with me then I never hear the end of it. So I tell her this morning that yes, I am sleeping, but I awake several times a night and go right back to sleep (only a half truth, usually I stay awake for an hour at least.) Then she asks me if difficult child 1 washed her hair last night like she asked her to. My mom picked her up yesterday afternoon to take her to the chiropractor and noticed her hair was oily (again.) She made difficult child promise to wash her hair when she got home. difficult child asked me when she got home if she could do it after her TV shows were over at 8. I said okay as long as she promised to do it then. Well I'm in the bedroom watching TV till 8. I then go into the living room to tell her to get in the bath and wash her hair. I find her fast asleep on the living room floor in front of the air conditioner with it turned up full blast. I attempt to wake her but she is sleeping hard. So she skipped washing her hair and putting on her face cream.

    I couldn't lie to my mom so I had to tell her that I tried to make her wash her hair and do her face and she was already asleep. My mom layed into me, telling me I can't take care of the kids properly and I'm not making sure they do what they're supposed to. I finally told her I had enough, I was trying to get the kids off to school and get to work on time and she was gonna make me late. She agreed to get off the phone, but not before she told me how anxiety ridden she was all night long stressing out over me and the kids, and how she didn't sleep last night. So another guilt trip. I can't take care of the kids how she wants me to so now she is filled with anxiety and worry. I really wish she would lay OFF! I feel like a crummy parent as it is, having two difficult child kids, and she's just making me feel worse. I really need to go to therapy and talk about how to brush her off and not let her get to me so damn much.

    Then as we're walking out the door difficult child 1 forgets her cell phone. I open it back up again to let her get it, and our difficult child kitty runs out and hides under some bushes. I want her to be a strictly indoor cat but she is bound and determined to sneak outside any time she can. We spent ten minutes chasing her. I finally grabbed hold of her and off to school and work we went. I ended up being late for work. I can't stand being late. Nobody noticed but I still pride myself on getting to work on time every day. Oh well, at least the kids are dropped off and I can relax at work for a few hours before I go home and stress again. Tonight is laundry night. Yuck! Anyway, happy Wednesday. Ugh!
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Ok, I'm a tech head, and work with technology all day, every day.

    As a result... I'm a privacy nut.

    Which means: if you don't want your Mom to know stuff, then you can't tell ANYBODY. And that goes 100x more for anything you "say" on the web. Even in a supposedly private, direct email, it's not guaranteed that it doesn't leak. (I mean, even a phone call gets blabbed about, so... why would we think technology is any different?)

    Its why we have tdocs... THEY are not allowed to blab!
  3. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    And now I've been given a list of parents to call because of all the truant kids. It never ends. Ugh.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Put a smile on your face and be glad you don't have to call yourself about YOUR kids being truant...

    (now wouldn't THAT be awkward!)
  5. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    You're so right. At least my kids go to school. They may not always do their work, and difficult child 1 may show up fifteen minutes late, but at least they don't miss any classes. So now I get this email from my mom at work. Telling me again how she didn't get any sleep last night because of me. I emailed her back and asked her to stop now, because as of now the only stress I have in my life is HER. She didn't take it so well. She told me that I really need to look deep down inside myself and figure out what I'm doing wrong as a parent. That really hurts. No matter how much I try, I will never live up to her standards. And both difficult children are actually doing good in school this year. Imagine if they weren't. Then I'd here it even more. Geesh.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Ummm.... hello?
    1) SHE didn't get any sleep because of you, and YOU are supposed to change, but...
    2) YOU didn't get any sleep because of YOUR kids, and YOU are still supposed to be the one that changes?

    Either... every parent gets to fret about their own kid, or NO parent gets to.
    Go look in the mirror, mom.
    (Ok, not going to happen... because she's "that kind" of parent)
  7. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    You're right. She's not that kind of mom. She never looks at herself and what she could possibly be doing wrong (badmouthing me) but she points fingers everywhere else. Lord I hope I find a really really good therapist.
  8. bigbear11

    bigbear11 Guest

    I am not sure that you need a therapist as much as just set some boundaries with her... I know easier said than done. But you said that she will not change and that this is the type of Mom she is. So it is up to you.

    Tell her up front that you are doing the best you can and while you appreciate the advice (whether or not you do), it is adding to your stress and you would prefer not to discuss it. Then everytime she starts in on it say something like "nice to talk to you... but I gotta go" or blatantly change the subject. Be nice about it but do not engage. If you know that is what the email is about then delete it. Don't type back to her. Just like we don't (or try not to at least) with our difficult children. This allows you to keep a decent relationship but she will get the point. Even if she doesn't, at least you are exerting some control and setting healthy boundaries.

    You have enough stress in your life without dealing with her telling you this type of stuff. Even if she means well it is not helpful to you.
  9. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Yup, you have a difficult child mom. I agree with the last poster. Time to set up some boundaries. You going to therapy won't change her, but maybe the therapist will help you be able to set up some good boundaries. I find hanging up and/or changing the subject good. "Oh, the pots about to boil over! Got to go. Bye."
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You need to have some pat answers for when your mom calls you. We have some disengaging responses over in the archives in PE that may work. Things like "Oh dear, you know, I hear the doorbell. I really have to run now! Bye!" And hang up. Or there is always the roast in the oven, the homework that needs help with, the laundry in the dryer that is beeping, another call coming in that you need to answer. My daughter in law can talk forever about absolutely nothing and I cant tell you how many people knock on my door or end up calling me in the middle or our wink.
  11. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    I think it's time to give mom a lesson on detachment. Maybe your mom can read up on the PE forum.