Bad News....Now What????

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Dec 14, 2009.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    As you recall, we want to get our difficult child into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)....we are battling a funding issue as any referring agency is required to pay 30% of the cost of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement...and so our psychiatric hospital and county mental health agency are simply NOT doing referrals.

    difficult child's therapist let us know about an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that would accept a parent referral for placement and charges are on a sliding scale. We had to complete a very lengthy application and forward all available records for difficult child. We put a great big fat packet in the mail before Thanksgiving...and waited.

    TODAY--we get a rejection letter. We thought we might be rejected based upon funding, or space or waiting lists--but NO!!!!

    difficult child has been rejected from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because (and I quote):

    "[Our program cannot] meet the level of care required for [difficult child]. [We recommend] the services of a high-management program that can provide on one supervision."

    So....our county mental health facility feel no referral is necessary, the psychiatric hospital feels nothing more is necessary...and yet this Residential Treatment Center (RTC) program feels that difficult child needs MORE SUPERVISION THAN THEY CAN PROVIDE!!!!

    No wonder husband and I are absolutely exhausted!!!

    Do you think there is a way that I can use this 'rejection letter' to get a referral to a different facility?

    What do you think?

  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Getting rejected from places can open up other options in our state. (On Kanga's funding if we get 3 rejections from in-state RTCs, we can then apply at approved out-of-state places).

    I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I hate how parents are left to struggle through this over and over.
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Wish I knew how to advise you, but that rejection letter has to make you feel validated in some sick way I guess. I'd be wanting to wave it under the nose of the people who've told you she doesn't need services!

    Good luck, I hope something else can open up for her.
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Yep, that's EXACTLY how I feel!!! I ABSOLUTELY want to wave this letter under their noses.

    Can I do that? Can I do that in such a way as to make it seem like a legal liability if the psychiatrist does NOT refer difficult child to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)???
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Maybe DF...I have an idea. PM me.
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Now is the time to apply for a CHINS (child in need of services) along with medical assistance. County mental health is watching the budget closely but cannot deny an order from your State's medical review team.

    If your difficult child (no one wants to believe a 14 y/o young lady would be so out of control) is a danger to herself (running, cutting, threatening, physical aggression, threats of suicide, & the like) there is a way to do this. It won't be easy.

    Our state has a CADI (community alternative for disabled individuals) waiver that both kt & wm have; they are worth their weight in gold. The tweedes receive services including Integrated Listening Systems (ILS), PCAs, in home therapy & respite.

    Saying that it took months to get this in place; in the meantime, our home was in lock down mode. AND we started this process at the age of almost 8 years old.

    Have you tried some of the Love & Logic for Teens ideas? A lot of times the medications are as good as it gets & the behaviors have become habitual, not unlike smoking. It's a retraining & constant repetition for our little wonders.

    Just a few things to consider.
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Thanks, Linda--

    I think you are right about this. It is time to go to court.

    I will have to call and ask a lot of questions because I know that they use different terminology here than CHINS. I need to talk to a few people and find out exactly what the magic words are...

    Meanwhile, our home life is a huge disaster. difficult child comes home from school--usually gets in my face about something (although not enough to call the police over) and then retires to her bedroom to do NOTHING. A B S O L U T E L Y NOTHING!!!

    If we ask her the slightest thing...even to come to the dinner is like disturbing a lion in its cage. There is usually some growling and some grumbling and stomping and banging and then we all have a very unpleasant meal.

    Sometimes, husband will ask her to do a chore. Last night he asked her to wipe the kitchen table. Stomping, grumbling and just took a wet wipe and just flicked everything off the table and onto the floor (including napkins!)....and then stomped off to her bedroom for the evening.

    We have a policy at home that there are no privilideges if chores are not done--so difficult child gets no TV/video game/computer time nor phone calls. She seems not to care...

    O--but asks if she can stay after school for a special event this week. Wants to know when I'm making Christmas cookies. Keeps adding to the Christmas "want" list.

    It's ridiculous. She participates in nothing at home. I'm pretty sure she has found a new sex partner at school. So she doesn't NEED her family--because she has this new guy. Still failing all of ther classes--but since the teachers have stopped asking her for her homework every day, she thinks she is getting away with it. Actually bragged the other day that she is doing well in school!!!!

    So it's like our lives are stuck in limbo until I can find some way to get help. I feel like I've been sentenced to prison or something. This is no way to live.

    As of now, I guess my "time" is done in 3 1/2 years when difficult child turns 18--or sooner if she pulls something for which she will spend time in jail.

    I am going to appeal to the courts. It seems ridiculous that parents can be expected to live like this....

  8. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    There is a link in the general archives that explains what I had to go through to accomplish all that it took to put together a strong cohesive team:

    It's not easy but definitely worth it? Is difficult child on birth control? No chores, no eat but the basics required by law. Nasty attitude no cell phone. If she runs, let her. The police will pick her up if you call 911 & ask help locating a mentally ill child with transport to nearest ER.

    Document, document, document. Ask teachers to document, neighbors - anyone who witnesses anything that may be considered a part of her illness. This is very very important.

    I'll be keeping you & yours in my thoughts.

  9. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    In our state it is called PINS rather than CHINS. My dtr was on it--didn't keep her from behaving badly but it documented what she was doing. She had a probation officer and she could see that we were doing everything we could as parents. Everytime she was out without permission we called the police and reported her as a missing person. The police didn't go to great lengths to find her but this was all documentation that we as parents were doing our best with an incorrigible minor.

    Eventually, when she was 17 (after being in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 8 1/2 months and short-term rehab for 28 days) she did get picked up and court ordered for treatment at dual diagnosis facility. Of course, we still had to pay for it, but she was safely off the streets for several months and also got her GED while there.

    As Linda says, document, document, document. I gave up even trying to enforce any rules. We took everything away from her and she just didn't care. She was stubborn enough to win at that power struggle.

    We simply told her that we were reporting her every time she was gone without permission and that it would eventually catch up with her. We told her society would apply natural consequences, this wasn't her parents trying to run her life, we were trying to keep her safe. Stayed neutral and out of fights, just quietly went about our documenting and as I said it caught up to her eventually.

    Best of luck
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ok...I found a list of ALL the approved centers in SC.

    Now searching for the way to Damn...I dont know. I think you are going to just have to try the court thing. I havent checked that website out and my eyes are glazing. I may have to go read that part after taking a break.
  11. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I called and spoke with the Clerk of Court...

    The woman siad she has never heard of CHINS or PINS or is even familiar with any kind of petition that could be filed in the court in regards to securing mental health services for a child.

    She suggested that we try applying for Medicaid.

    difficult child is already covered by Medicaid (part of the problem, in my humble opinion)

    We also applied to the state for additional services. We received a letter acknowledging receipt of our application. I don't know if we will ever get approved for anything.....they tell me the waiting list for services is miles long.
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Look and see if you have a "juvenile intake" office- it would probably be at the juvenile courts building, and if so, actually go down there and talk to them and describe the situation.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

  14. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Thanks for the links!

    I think you are correct...the only option is to file a petition indicating that the child is, in legal terms in SC, "Beyond the Control of the Parents"...which usually means documentation of a number of these status offenses...and it gets Department of Juvenile Justice involved in the determination of placement for the child.

    Department of Juvenile Justice has told us that if difficult child gets picked up for anything.....ANYTHING....she will be in their custody (because of prior police reports), and they will determine a placement for her at that time depending on the nature of the offense...which may, or may not, be in a therapeutic setting. If she gets caught making any more threats, or caught with razor blades or knives at school--it will mean jail time...not Residential Treatment Center (RTC) time.

    Obviously, husband and I were hoping to get her some serious help before it comes to jail...
  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    DF- here we have "juvenile intake" where a parent can go and get the child in the system to get something in place before the child gets that kind of more serious legal charge. You might have that there, too.
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member simply doesnt look like it exists in SC. There is a "study" going on trying to look into that issue but who knows how long that will take.

    At this point, the combo of Department of Juvenile Justice and DSS involve themselves together to decide why the juvenile is doing all these status offenses. Why difficult child is committing the crimes, why they are running away, why they are being truant. The answers to those questions seems to steer the train.
  17. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I think you and Janet are talking about the same thing....getting a child into the system with 'status offenses' which are not really crimes--things like skipping school, running away, being out past curfew, etc.

    Unfortunately, the prior police reports about difficult child include not only running away (status offense) but threatening bodily harm and simple assault--NOT status offenses.

    So the risk is that the prior reports will hold weight when determining Department of Juvenile Justice recommendations....
  18. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Looks like we posted at the same time...

    Yes, I think you are right. The CHINS and PINS options simply don't exist here. Everything goes through DSS or Department of Juvenile Justice....
  19. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Thank you Linda--

    And thanks for sharing your story.

    Yes, difficult child is on birth control (finally!!) that is a story in and of itself as she first tried to explain to the ob/gyn that since she was not having sex right now, she does not count as sexually active...and then there was some lying about whether or not it was the correct time of the month to get the birth control implant....(sigh)...and least we do not have to worry about that right now.

    Yes, we are trying to document everything. The school has been very frustrating with their documentation. Even though difficult child was skipping classes and ran out on a field trip--the school put nothing in there is no discipline record for these incidents.
  20. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Maybe you can get the sd to recommend her to the circuit solicitor's office- it sounds like that is the same thing as our "intake". I know you are scared to go this route because it isn't full proof that she won't end up with big legal problems, but after my experience, I can tell you that unless you have reason to think this will get better some other way, it's better to report them before the offenses get bigger and warrant stiffer punishments. My guess is that she'd be alright at this point. But that is just a guess- the court system is not predictable.

    If family was the victim of the threat, maybe you'd have a good chance if getting the arbitration program approved if you request it.
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2009