bad night
- Thread starter Jena
- Start date
SearchingForRainbows
Active Member
Jena,
I can hardly believe it, but difficult child 1 is going to be 20 yrs old soon! That old saying, time flies, is so true!!! (I know, you probably don't believe me right about now, totally understandable.)
Although he still had many sleepless nights, once he was on the right combination and dosage of medications, it made a big difference. He wasn't as explosive/violent and mostly stayed in his room. Luckily, he was quiet and I was finally able to get some much needed sleep.
difficult child 1 was on a mood stabilizer, Trileptal, and an antipsych, Abilify. Every now and then the dosages had to be increased but we were very fortunate that this combination worked well for him through high school graduation.
I don't want to paint too rosy of a picture though. There were still times I was fearful, but they were fewer and much farther between. I have to admit though that when difficult child 1 was home but husband wasn't, even when things were going better, I think the past affected me more than I realized. I still locked my bedroom door when I took a shower, made sure my pocketbook was with me, etc... It wasn't until difficult child 1 moved out (soon after high school graduation) that my relationship with him began to improve.
Looking back, I wish we had medicated him sooner then we did. Until he was medicated, the countless sessions he spent with his psychiatrist, therapist, etc... were a total waste of time. Talking to him was absolutely useless.
I agree that having a mentally ill child is extremely tough on their siblings. Although I tried the best I could to make life "normal" for my daughter, it wasn't possible because both of her older brothers are difficult children. Sadly, I think all of the anger she feels about being raised in a house with difficult children is beginning to surface now. As I said, the FUN never ends...
I don't want to end this on such a negative note. difficult child 1 has been living on his own since June, 2009. He is doing much better then husband or I had ever dreamed he would do. I now have a much better relationship with him and actually enjoy his company. He's even taken me out to eat, just the two of us, for Mother's Day, my birthday!!! During the worst of it, I NEVER would have thought this would be even remotely possible!!!
YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!! I'm sure the road ahead is going to be rocky, but YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!! Believe me, there were many times I was ready to throw in the towel... I don't want to keep on rambling and hogging your thread, lol... so I'm going to stop here. However, if you want to know anything else, just let me know...
Thinking of you... Many hugs... SFR
SearchingForRainbows
Active Member
Jena.
I forgot to tell you something. difficult child 1 is still a night owl. He tells us that some days he doesn't go to sleep until 5 a.m. He has managed to schedule his life so that he can do this and still function during the day. I can easily picture him someday working a graveyard shift and sleeping during the day...
At least his sleeping patterns aren't affecting anyone else!!! SFR
I forgot to tell you something. difficult child 1 is still a night owl. He tells us that some days he doesn't go to sleep until 5 a.m. He has managed to schedule his life so that he can do this and still function during the day. I can easily picture him someday working a graveyard shift and sleeping during the day...
At least his sleeping patterns aren't affecting anyone else!!! SFR
SearchingForRainbows
Active Member
Jena,
Thanks!!! I know my difficult children will NEVER acknowledge how hard husband and I have tried to help them. It really feels good to hear such kind words - I'm blushing, lol...
I know your daughter is lucky to have you fighting so hard for her. Someday, I know I'll be able to say the same things to you too...!!!
Still, right at this moment, knowing this doesn't help with the day to day "garbage" you're going through... I know I'll probably carry some of my battle scars with me for the rest of my life...
Hope today is a better day and your daughter lets you get some sleep!!! SFR
Thanks!!! I know my difficult children will NEVER acknowledge how hard husband and I have tried to help them. It really feels good to hear such kind words - I'm blushing, lol...
I know your daughter is lucky to have you fighting so hard for her. Someday, I know I'll be able to say the same things to you too...!!!
Still, right at this moment, knowing this doesn't help with the day to day "garbage" you're going through... I know I'll probably carry some of my battle scars with me for the rest of my life...
Hope today is a better day and your daughter lets you get some sleep!!! SFR
you know what i've come to learn raising a child with bipolar is unlike anything else i've ever experienced. it's so incredibly different than raising your typical child. it has its pluses and challenges and down sides to it. i am beginning to think, alot from what i hear here my friends 
that keeping yourself healthy through it is probably number one. i used to work in the field, not long about year and a half with kids with mental illness in home crisis unit. i preached to the parents yet never followed my own advice.
it's sort of like when the plane goes down if you dont' grab that oxygen mask first you can't take care of your kid. i have done an excellent job of running myself into the ground since i was blessed with her some almost 12 years ago now.
its kind of like you have to be vigilant on your toes 24/7 with behavioral stuff cause they'll steam roll you like no other, do not waiver ever because they look for loop holes at almost every turn, and stay strong and consistent and yea medications the right ones and alot of therapy for not just the kid the family also. wish i had known all this when i began this journey. yet took a while to get the diagnosis and than to come to terms, etc.
and yea you will carry the good and bad of it with-you for the rest of your life, yet you will also know you accomplished something that is far beyond anything you could achieve personally or in a job. i actually sat her with-last night in the den and watched t.v. with her till almost 1 than i went to bed she followed and stopped screaming my name after a half an hr. she didnt' want to take the herbal junk says it doesnt' work.
did you manage to work with all this going on? i can't. i'm trying to be resourceful and creative and think of how to bring in an income with-raising her at same time from home
that keeping yourself healthy through it is probably number one. i used to work in the field, not long about year and a half with kids with mental illness in home crisis unit. i preached to the parents yet never followed my own advice.it's sort of like when the plane goes down if you dont' grab that oxygen mask first you can't take care of your kid. i have done an excellent job of running myself into the ground since i was blessed with her some almost 12 years ago now.
its kind of like you have to be vigilant on your toes 24/7 with behavioral stuff cause they'll steam roll you like no other, do not waiver ever because they look for loop holes at almost every turn, and stay strong and consistent and yea medications the right ones and alot of therapy for not just the kid the family also. wish i had known all this when i began this journey. yet took a while to get the diagnosis and than to come to terms, etc.
and yea you will carry the good and bad of it with-you for the rest of your life, yet you will also know you accomplished something that is far beyond anything you could achieve personally or in a job. i actually sat her with-last night in the den and watched t.v. with her till almost 1 than i went to bed she followed and stopped screaming my name after a half an hr. she didnt' want to take the herbal junk says it doesnt' work.
did you manage to work with all this going on? i can't. i'm trying to be resourceful and creative and think of how to bring in an income with-raising her at same time from home
timer lady
Queen of Hearts
We set up limits & boundaries for the tweedles if they couldn't sleep. Once they hit the age of 12 if you couldn't sleep they were allowed to be up but had to stay in their bedrooms. They each had a television & used it; many times fell asleep to the white noise of tv better than anything else we tried.
I kept the hall light on & they each had a bedroom snack basket (contained a juice box, some crackers & a piece of fruit). I also set up bed tents so kt & wm felt swaddled & safe in bed. Kept those on their beds for years. They each had a sensory box filled with rice & several types of beans that was soothing & like playing in a sandbox. Again, it was in their rooms for years. husband & I spent more time than usual settling them in each night but it was well worth the effort.
It took time but when the tweedles figured out we were not going to cave to their incessant whining or yelling (once it hit rage or meltdown mode all bets were off) they settled into a routine of their own. I had video cameras in their rooms so I could check on them with-o entering their bedrooms.
Good luck
I kept the hall light on & they each had a bedroom snack basket (contained a juice box, some crackers & a piece of fruit). I also set up bed tents so kt & wm felt swaddled & safe in bed. Kept those on their beds for years. They each had a sensory box filled with rice & several types of beans that was soothing & like playing in a sandbox. Again, it was in their rooms for years. husband & I spent more time than usual settling them in each night but it was well worth the effort.
It took time but when the tweedles figured out we were not going to cave to their incessant whining or yelling (once it hit rage or meltdown mode all bets were off) they settled into a routine of their own. I had video cameras in their rooms so I could check on them with-o entering their bedrooms.
Good luck
wow that is a great idea. I don't know i've always been too afraid to make allowances for what she struggles with do you know what i mean. like huge provisions tv in room, basket full of snacks. yet you know what i'm reading what you wrote and realizing she'll be 12 and what i've done since birth isnt' working. maybe it's time to change what it is i do.
now i have one question how would i handle that the nights that my step daughter is here and has to go to bed on time? she gets super jealous about difficult child not going to bed same time and often quite nasty about it. she's a rough kid also. so last night i heard her talking about difficult child to her father whispering and saying not nice junk. she was even a bit nasty with me. so i went into her room and said to her the reason difficult child cant' sleep is because she has a problem and you should be very happy that you do not and are able to sleep each night so instead of being nasty maybe you should be kinder knowing that bit of information.
now i have one question how would i handle that the nights that my step daughter is here and has to go to bed on time? she gets super jealous about difficult child not going to bed same time and often quite nasty about it. she's a rough kid also. so last night i heard her talking about difficult child to her father whispering and saying not nice junk. she was even a bit nasty with me. so i went into her room and said to her the reason difficult child cant' sleep is because she has a problem and you should be very happy that you do not and are able to sleep each night so instead of being nasty maybe you should be kinder knowing that bit of information.
H
HaoZi
Guest
Just ran across this, wanted to know if you'd checked into it: http://www.drinkdreamwater.com/how-it-works
Jena, You have fought this sleep issue for so long and have tried everything under the sun. I vote for allowing a tv with some boundaries. My difficult child says that the tv helps him fall asleep - it keeps the scary thoughts away - the fears of being alone with these scary thoughts. (He wouldn't take a shower after a horrid meltdown that reached into the realms of a rage tonight because he felt that he might be getting scary thoughts and didn't want to be in the shower if that did happen)
When he first started using the tv at bed time, we made sure that the channel was set to educational shows (animal planet for example). He loved learning about nature and I felt that his going to sleep listening to educational information was much better than the comedy shows or action packed shows or reality shows. You can also control through DVD's what she watches.
My difficult child's tv has a timer that he is suppose to set for 1 or 1 1/2 hours to turn off on its own but I usually end up turning the tv off when I go to bed.
I know that many people are so against using the tv to help get to sleep but if nothing else works (and I do agree that everything should be tried if you firmly do not want to go this route) that it is o.k. to use the tv as a tool if it brings peace to your household evenings.
When he first started using the tv at bed time, we made sure that the channel was set to educational shows (animal planet for example). He loved learning about nature and I felt that his going to sleep listening to educational information was much better than the comedy shows or action packed shows or reality shows. You can also control through DVD's what she watches.
My difficult child's tv has a timer that he is suppose to set for 1 or 1 1/2 hours to turn off on its own but I usually end up turning the tv off when I go to bed.
I know that many people are so against using the tv to help get to sleep but if nothing else works (and I do agree that everything should be tried if you firmly do not want to go this route) that it is o.k. to use the tv as a tool if it brings peace to your household evenings.
T
toughlovin
Guest
I too have a child who is a night owl. Always has been. I was the only mother of a newborn who got up and read the paper and had a cup of coffee in the morning before her baby woke up..... but getting him to sleep at night was always a problem. So at some point in time, I realized I could not make him sleep. So we had to set limits around bed time, he could stay in his room, he could read books, etc. but I stopped trying to make him go to sleep. One of his issues when he was young was the dark, so for years we let him leave the light on. Eventually he grew out of that. He would also wake up in the night scared and want to climb into bed with us.... which meant we did not sleep well. We finally put a mat and sleeping bag on the floor in our room and if he woke up at night he could come in and sleep on the floor. For several years more often than not we would find him on the floor in the morning but at least we slept through him coming in. So my suggestion is to sit down with her and talk to her about what she can and can't do at night. Really she is at an age where her sleeping is kind of under her control. If she doesn't get enough sleep she will be tired. She may be cranky. But really you can't make her sleep. So set some limits around night time, like she needs to stay in her room, or she can sleep on your floor. She can read, or do something in her room. BUT she needs to let YOU sleep because you need it. Have her be part of the discussion about what would help her at night. I personally would not put a tv in her room. I know for my son that would have been a disaster because he would have stayed up all night watching it. As he got older he did do this... not in his room but downstairs. So for him the TV would just keep him up longer. Good luck it is a hard issue. medications can help and at times did help my son if you want to go that route.
SearchingForRainbows
Active Member
Jena,
I worked for a large company until my entire unit was laid off. My shift started at 3 p.m. At the time I was laid off I was pregnant with easy child/difficult child 3. I was ready to head right back out and try to find another job. My husband suggested I take a bit of time off, at least until a couple months after I had our third child.
Once easy child/difficult child 3 was born, I was still spending almost full days at Early Intervention, running from doctors appointments to specialists, to having in-home evaluations, etc.., etc., etc.,... Through it all, I was totally sleep deprived with a new born and two very demanding toddlers. I didn't go back to work until easy child/difficult child 3 was in kindergarten.
husband has always been self-employed. I guess this made it easier for me because I was able to work in our business. I've been luckier then lots of people because I'm able to have a flexible enough schedule that when I need to take time off for doctors appointments, IEP meetings, etc., etc., etc... I can.
The down side to it is that I spent lots of time working from home. I tried to get as much done as possible while the kids were at school but once they got home it was impossible to get much, if anything accomplished. There were way too many evenings after I put the kids to bed that I was up until almost mid-night getting work out. I was exhausted!!!
It is so understandable why you can't work right now!!! Scratch that last sentence - You are working!!! And, the type of work you're doing in my humble opinion is harder than anything else!!! Raising difficult children is a full time job!!! Just imagine if you got a paycheck for it... You would have more money then you could ever spend, given the number of hours you put in, the difficulty of the job, etc., etc., etc.,
As you already said somewhere in this thread, you accomplish so much more from raising a difficult child than from anything you can accomplish in a job outside of the home... SFR
I worked for a large company until my entire unit was laid off. My shift started at 3 p.m. At the time I was laid off I was pregnant with easy child/difficult child 3. I was ready to head right back out and try to find another job. My husband suggested I take a bit of time off, at least until a couple months after I had our third child.
Once easy child/difficult child 3 was born, I was still spending almost full days at Early Intervention, running from doctors appointments to specialists, to having in-home evaluations, etc.., etc., etc.,... Through it all, I was totally sleep deprived with a new born and two very demanding toddlers. I didn't go back to work until easy child/difficult child 3 was in kindergarten.
husband has always been self-employed. I guess this made it easier for me because I was able to work in our business. I've been luckier then lots of people because I'm able to have a flexible enough schedule that when I need to take time off for doctors appointments, IEP meetings, etc., etc., etc... I can.
The down side to it is that I spent lots of time working from home. I tried to get as much done as possible while the kids were at school but once they got home it was impossible to get much, if anything accomplished. There were way too many evenings after I put the kids to bed that I was up until almost mid-night getting work out. I was exhausted!!!
It is so understandable why you can't work right now!!! Scratch that last sentence - You are working!!! And, the type of work you're doing in my humble opinion is harder than anything else!!! Raising difficult children is a full time job!!! Just imagine if you got a paycheck for it... You would have more money then you could ever spend, given the number of hours you put in, the difficulty of the job, etc., etc., etc.,
As you already said somewhere in this thread, you accomplish so much more from raising a difficult child than from anything you can accomplish in a job outside of the home... SFR
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Im gonna add in my thoughts on letting her have the TV. I simply cannot sleep without a TV on. I have awful insomnia, take medications for it and sometimes fall asleep sitting up...but the TV must be on! If I have to be in a room without a TV, I have to plug my cell phone into the charger and watch TV on that.
My 4 year old granddaughter is turning out just like me too. She wants the TV on in her room too.
My 4 year old granddaughter is turning out just like me too. She wants the TV on in her room too.
ok thanks to all of you i will be calling the cable co. adding another box onto the bill and yes easy child will want one now too lol, and yes husband will want to kill me because we cant' afford it LOL. i'm going to do the tv thing. maybe it's the way to go thinking outside of the box and letting go of some rules that i've had in place that CLEARLY aren't working now. i'm just afraid she'll be up till 6 and odds are strong she will be. than i'll handle that when it comes. maybe set a time on it. yet not tell her so she doesn't get anxious that it'll shut off.
calling cable tmrw.
thanks guys. and Janet i kinda missed you. i hope your doing ok?
calling cable tmrw.
thanks guys. and Janet i kinda missed you. i hope your doing ok?
H
HaoZi
Guest
Can't you get a splitter and some extra coax lines and run it directly to TV? Or just limit her to broadcast channels?
It may be cheaper to find a small laptop DVD player. Then you can control the movies she watches. You can borrow educational animal planet type stuff from the library.
If you do likewise for easy child, tell her that only those types of DVD's will be allowed on hers after a certain time at night also.
If you do likewise for easy child, tell her that only those types of DVD's will be allowed on hers after a certain time at night also.
H
HaoZi
Guest
OOOO, I like that one Andy!
H
HaoZi
Guest
Dad ran his own splitter and install when we expanded ours when I was young. He ran the cord up into the ceiling, through the attic, dropped it between beams in the room it was going to and brought it out through a hole in the wall there. Radio Shack, Lowe's, Home Depot, etc should have everything you need to do it.
um have i mentioned husband is not the handy man. he once tried to change our bedroom doorknob and locked us in the rm for an hour LOL. kids were on the other side let's just say they have alot of fun in our absence. we have holes in our living room walls from shelves he tried to hang. last week easy child and i got curtains for the dining room and she said hurry up and hang them before he gets back so he doesnt' try to do it and leave holes in walls again LOL
