Bad Start to Morning

[luvmyottb]

difficult child has been doing pretty well recently. She has much less stress in her life due to IEP plan and is making friends through class and cheerleading.

But, she crossed a big line this morning. Dad likes to joke around with her in the morning. It makes her grumpy. Lighthearted on his part, but she doesn't respond well and has been shooting him very dirty looks every morning. She is not nice.

husband has a turkey caller and was goofing around with it. She shoots him a nasty look. She's not eating breakfast. He tickles her to see if she will lighten up. Doesn't work. He walks by her to go to another room and she thinks he's going to tickle her, I suppose. She picks up her butter knife and holds it out as if to threaten him and protect herself. Impulse reaction.

Well, that set me off. I grabbed it out of her hand and scream at her never to threaten another human with a knife. Then she refuses to put her patch on after I ask her and have it in my hand. So she grabs it out of my hand and slaps it on the counter. husband picks it up and pulls her jeans slightly down to get the patch on her rear end. Ugh!

So she goes to school with no breakfast(her choice). husband, easy child and me all feeling crappy about what happened.

Her Friday night sleepover will be gone. TV gone. My Friday night Xmas shopping will now be gone. (husband and easy child are out of town) I am mad at her for ruining my plans. (I'm whining) But I am most concerned about her picking up the knife.

 

[smallworld]

I certainly agree that knives should never be used to threaten other people. However, I have to ask this question: Who is the adult in this situation? You and your husband know that your daughter is grumpy in the morning and doesn't like to be teased. Your husband persists in teasing her. I think he bears some of the responsibility for what happened this morning. And because of that, I think the punishments you doled out are too harsh.

Have you read The Explosive Child? I think this situation is a prime example of meeting your child where she is, not where you or husband want to be as the adults.

 

[luvmyottb]

Agree with you small world. I have talked to husband about provoking her in the morning. She doesn't handle it well. He's making an attempt to connect with her, but his timing is not working to his best advantage for a positive outcome with difficult child.

I haven't handed out any punishment to her. This is just what I was thinking about to assign to her this afternoon. Now rethinking the whole scenario. I hate starting the morning this way.

 

[luvmyottb]

husband called about 2 hours ago and realized on his own he brought this on himself. I am really happy he thought about his actions and how they affect difficult child.

He promised to mend fences with her. I told him he has a special needs child and he needs to be able to understand what triggers her behavior.

Pulling the butter knife is too extreme reaction on her side...and she needs to understand that is to never happen again.

 

[Andy]

I am so sorry for the awful morning. I am glad that husband realizes how he contributed. Dads are usually the very last people to notice how their daughters are growing. Being grumpy in the morning and not wanting to be teased like she may have been when she was younger is part of growing up. How husband and others made her laugh when she was younger will not work these days.

I do understand the need to discipline her over her choice of using the knife. I don't know that I would use the sleepover as that choice of discipline though. Can sending her to bed early tonight and/or having her write a letter to you explaining what else she could have done? (Maybe using her voice instead of nasty looks? Coming to you if she feels dad was not listening?) She can apologize to husband (he also should apologize to her.)