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Bad week-end
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 17773" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Kathie, under those circumstances I would have spanked too. It's like a glass of cold water in the face of a hysteric - they need something to stop the runaway hysteria, something to pull them up sharp. In general spanking is not good because too often it's done in anger and done as the main punishment. But you did it to put a sudden stop to out of control destructive behaviour.</p><p></p><p>If the stimulants are behind the deterioration iin behaviour, can you ring the doctor and take him off them? Also, it's hard to punish a kid for something he can't control. Helping him FIND control, or reducing his exposure to situations that will tip over into uncontrollability, are better options. By insisting on supervising him you are doing that, you need to show him that watching is to keep HIM safe from himself, too, and that you know it's not just him, there are other factors making it very difficult for him to 'hold it together'.</p><p></p><p>That doesn't mean he has carte blanche to do whatever damage his explosive moods produce - but it does mean that if he has little or no control, discipline isn't going to change that.</p><p></p><p>It's like a baby who insists on touching the antique glass cabinet. You can TRY smacking the baby, but will he realise why? Will he stop touching the cabinet? Or you can more safely protect the cabinet by removing the baby to another room, or taking the cabinet out of that room and putting it away somewhere safe. Of giving the baby something else to do as a distraction.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes with our difficult children we have to treat them like babies, in terms of how to prevent undesirable behaviour.</p><p></p><p>If your other kids' behaviours are provoking him, that's not going to stop with discipline either. Can you give them something to do, something productive and safe, which will burn up some of that damaging energy? Yard work? Tidying up weeds, fallen branches, etc? If you do, I would allocate a different part of the yard to each child and set a time limit (ten minutes? Thirty minutes?). Let them compete (in a friendly way) to see who can clean it the fastest/have the biggest rubbish pile/the neatest rubbish pile by the time the buzzer goes. Then reward them with hot chocolate. You're still supervising, but they're exercising and being useful.</p><p></p><p>The kids sound very competitive and into blame. Is there any way you can help them move beyond this? We've been discussing blame on another thread. I know in your family right now, you probably feel you are doing all you can (and you could well be right) but have a read and see what you think. Can you use any of it right now? If not, can you file it away for later?</p><p></p><p>Don't feel bad about smacking. I think this time you did the right thing.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 17773, member: 1991"] Kathie, under those circumstances I would have spanked too. It's like a glass of cold water in the face of a hysteric - they need something to stop the runaway hysteria, something to pull them up sharp. In general spanking is not good because too often it's done in anger and done as the main punishment. But you did it to put a sudden stop to out of control destructive behaviour. If the stimulants are behind the deterioration iin behaviour, can you ring the doctor and take him off them? Also, it's hard to punish a kid for something he can't control. Helping him FIND control, or reducing his exposure to situations that will tip over into uncontrollability, are better options. By insisting on supervising him you are doing that, you need to show him that watching is to keep HIM safe from himself, too, and that you know it's not just him, there are other factors making it very difficult for him to 'hold it together'. That doesn't mean he has carte blanche to do whatever damage his explosive moods produce - but it does mean that if he has little or no control, discipline isn't going to change that. It's like a baby who insists on touching the antique glass cabinet. You can TRY smacking the baby, but will he realise why? Will he stop touching the cabinet? Or you can more safely protect the cabinet by removing the baby to another room, or taking the cabinet out of that room and putting it away somewhere safe. Of giving the baby something else to do as a distraction. Sometimes with our difficult children we have to treat them like babies, in terms of how to prevent undesirable behaviour. If your other kids' behaviours are provoking him, that's not going to stop with discipline either. Can you give them something to do, something productive and safe, which will burn up some of that damaging energy? Yard work? Tidying up weeds, fallen branches, etc? If you do, I would allocate a different part of the yard to each child and set a time limit (ten minutes? Thirty minutes?). Let them compete (in a friendly way) to see who can clean it the fastest/have the biggest rubbish pile/the neatest rubbish pile by the time the buzzer goes. Then reward them with hot chocolate. You're still supervising, but they're exercising and being useful. The kids sound very competitive and into blame. Is there any way you can help them move beyond this? We've been discussing blame on another thread. I know in your family right now, you probably feel you are doing all you can (and you could well be right) but have a read and see what you think. Can you use any of it right now? If not, can you file it away for later? Don't feel bad about smacking. I think this time you did the right thing. Marg [/QUOTE]
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