bag of panties

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by rdp, Nov 20, 2007.

  1. rdp

    rdp New Member

    well its been a long time since i posted but i have to ask for a bit of in put.
    difficult child is back in the hospital court ordered at this time, major blow up. any how my wife was cleaning his room and found a large bag of panties in his closet to the sum of like 96 pairs why do they do this and what is the reason. this is new to me
    help please
  2. LynnG61

    LynnG61 New Member

    96 pairs? That's a lot of panties!

    Not sure why they do that, my son (in the last two years) has been taking mine and actually wearing them (naturally he hides them in his room, and not until I have to finally enter the room to clean it, do I find them even when I know I am missing them). I had to learn to put a lock on my bedroom door, and keep it locked when I am not home, and make sure my undergarments are laundered and put away immediately, otherwise I won't have them to wear.

    I have gotten to the point where now I say, I am going to clean the room, if there is anything in there that shouldn't be, now is the time to ask for amnesty and get it out. If not, when I go in and have to clean the room, consequences for things that are not to be there in accordance with house rules will be applied.

    I have spoken to counselors, therapists, etc. No one has an answer as to why. I have spoken with my son about it, about taking items not belonging to himself without permission, etc. He says he doesn't know why. I asked if he like the fabrics better, the fit/feel of them. Again, I don't know is the response.

    So, hopefully someone else out here has some answers, because I would love to try to figure this out as well.
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I hope you told his therapist about this discovery. Maybe they can help him sort this out.
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Funny, this has been a recurring question that pops up once in awhile on the board, and no one seems to really have any true psychological answers (must have to do with the fact that we are not doctors, duh :wink: ) Anyway, my son has done this as well, as well as some other quite odd sexual types of behaviors. I don't know why, and psychiatrists don't know why.

    I read here though, that the frontal lobes of the brain are responsible for sexual behavior. So my theory is that if there is any damage to the lobes, or they are not developed fully, one might have some unusual sexual behaviors. Just a laymans theory.

    This was a quote from an article, that another board member, SaraPA, posted - and that got me thinking:
    "The frontal lobes have been found to play a part in impulse control, judgment, language production, working memory, motor function, <span style="color: #990000">sexual behavior</span>, socialization, and spontaneity. The frontal lobes assist in planning, coordinating, controlling, and executing behavior. People who have damaged frontal lobes may experience problems with these aspects of cognitive function, being at times impulsive; impaired in their ability to plan and execute complex sequences of actions; perhaps persisting with one course of action or pattern of behavior when a change would be appropriate (perseveration)."
  5. rdp

    rdp New Member

    thanks for your input he's in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for now has court in the am and their looking at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for some ware between 6 and 10 mounts in 10 mo he'll be 18 will no more in the pm tomorrow
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm inclined to agree with the frontal lobe explanation and also with some sort of obsessive/compulsive (but different from the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)-type) type of behavior at work. From personal experience, husband has some sexual issues that some might consider obsessional and/or compulsive, and he's definitely got ADHD, anxiety, and some type of other mood element at work. From what I've seen in him, the compulsive behavior is directly linked to anxiety levels. Since going on Paxil, things have somewhat improved. Have you asked a psychiatrist about it?
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sounds to me like some sort of weird compulsion about woman's underwear. I don't know what to make of it, but I hope you find out. If he's wearing them, some men like to wear woman's clothes, but you didn't say he's wearing it. Just when you think you've seen it all...grrrrrr. Good luck.
  8. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Awful thought -- are they trophies? My cousin actually had over 300 in a bag in his closet in college. Some where even labeled as to the young lady who "lost" them, mainly if the girl lost her virginity as well. He would show this collection to his buddies and was quite proud of it. I found it nauseating and read him the riot act when I found out about it. By the time Paul hit his 40s, he was ashamed of his bag of goodies, but in his 20s, it was a cool and awesome thing to own. YUCK!
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I think I would seek a VERY good psychologists opinion on this. Something isn't connecting in his brain. This is not normal behavior.

    Truly - seek professional help and ask for a consultation - a lot of people think only their kids should go to counseling. We went and found it helped us be better people, better parents, and we actually learned more about how our sons brain functioned than any Residential Treatment Center (RTC) fly -by-night therapist could have explained.

    I say that because if your son has been like ours - I can't even list on one piece of paper how many people went in and out of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s he was in over the years. Even in the group home he's in now - he's been there 3 months and there have been 4 staff changes.

  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    This has been niggling at me - what does HE say about it?

    And something else I've finally plucked up the courage to ask - were the undies clean, or soiled? Had they been taken off washing lines, or removed as trophies? Were they brand new, or cast-offs? DId he buy them from thrift shops, or acquire them through theft or deception? Were they adult, or child? Under what circumstances did he acquire them?

    What HIS reasons are really is important, in order to have some idea as to where to go from here.

    Definitely one for his therapist.

    It's the quantity that disturbs me, as well as the possibilities not yet explored.

  11. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Good points, Marguerite!