Having trouble this year as I wrap gifts and decorate. I was blindsided by daughter at Thanksgiving, when she took me aside for a private talk just before going back to school and told me she felt taken for granted and unappreciated for the decorating she does each year, and said no one seems to acknowledge or notice that, and burst into tears. I was in shock. daughter has always adored (so I thought) decorating, baking, and gift wrapping. She's the artist of the family and has always pushed the point that she has great artistic taste and decorates/wraps best! I've always encouraged her to express herself and joined in the decorating etc. but given her the role of 'foreman' for all things artistic. I had no idea she felt that way. This was in the context of her being angry with me, in that I asked her to stay home for just one evening in the holiday to have a family night - decorate the tree, have eggnog, play a board game. She had been invited to her boyfriend's parents' house to meet his relatives from out of town; they'd been visiting the entire week, but the invitation was for one evening only. She had been out every evening the entire holiday except this one that I asked her to stay in for. She is totally smitten with her boyfriend and fully expects to marry him after college; she doesn't appear to notice that she arranges her life around him, while he does exactly as he pleases and expects her to fit in. Huge red flags to me and to husband, but daughter is deaf. So ... I thought I could hear echoes of the boyfriend in daughter's very unusual dramatic accusations, but I didn't want to discount her feelings. I assured her I'd had no idea of taking her for granted, loved her decorating, but if she doesn't want to do it she doesn't have to. Period. So I've done all the decorating and wrapped all the gifts, and I'm going to do all the baking, and I feel very down. I don't know if I was pigheaded and just oblivious to her feelings, or if her boyfriend is now speaking out of her mouth, or if she's becoming a little difficult child-ish. I hate Christmas, usually, because of painful family memories, and have found solace in the religious services and traditions we have. Now that my kids have all openly or discreetly, depending on the kid, abandoned the church, I don't have that either. I still go but it's a small, tight parish we've attended for almost twenty years and my kids not being there feels miserable. And now daughter wants to go to boyfriend's house on Christmas Eve for a 'family tradition' special evening that HIS family does. If she goes, she'll come home bubbling about their great traditions (which I happen to know will be exactly ours, since his cultural background is almost identical); if she stays home she'll sulk and flip out if the evening isn't 'perfect' in her estimation, and she'll text her boyfriend incessantly all night and fight with her brothers. I feel like skipping it all. I feel like Scrooge.