Banking woes with difficult child

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Nancy, Mar 29, 2012.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hate banks.Went today to have my name removed from difficult child's accounts. She has already racked up $35 in fees in two weeks for overdrawing her checking and for them to transfer money from her savings to checking and also for exceeding the number of electronic transactions allowed in a month. There are at least $25 more in fees coming through since she has electronically transferred funds several times a day in the past few days. She should not have a savings account because she is treating it as a checking account.

    The bank would not remove my name since she was not there to sign off. So I closed the savings account and transferred the money into her checking account to stop the fees from adding up and then filled out the paperwork to remove me and I will mail them to her to take to her bank and finish the deal. Interesting that I could not remove my name but I could close the account and take all the money if I wanted.

    I sent her a text and told her that perhaps she should read and understand the banking rules and that if she overdraws her checking account they will close the account and report her and she will not be allowed to open up a bank account anywhere and she will be prosecuted. If she doesn't have my name taken off within a few days I will close the account and send her the money. I want nothing to do with her mismanaged financial life.

    One more door closed.

  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    This is the oddest thing I've ever heard! I can see not letting you remove someone ELSE from an account without their signature, but YOURSELF?

  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I'm sorry that you had to deal with that...

    I just wanted to mention something I learned about *my* difficult child. It's not that she doesn't understand the bank fees, or the fee schedule - she just doesn't care. To her, it is WORTH the bank fee if she gets her money NOW. She also cannot seem to figure out to take one larger withdrawal (for a number of expenses) - instead of withdrawing a whole lot of smaller amounts as expenses come up. I think for my daughter, she would rather take the bank fee than risk having the cash burning a hole in her pocket and spending it and then having nothing later when she needs it.

    I wonder if your difficult child thinks the same way?
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Daisy my difficult child is completely oblivious to everything that has to do with independent living. She still has not paid one bill since moving into her apartment a month ago, not one. She thought it was perfectly fine to overdraw her checking account as long as she had money in her savings. She doesn't ask questions and doesn't listen when anyone explains anything. She had a master card for two weeks and charged over $400 on it with no intent or ability to pay it. I found out she is calling a dentist to have her wisdom teeth removed. She has dental insurance but it will not cover the cost and she will not ask. Can't wait until she is presented with that bill. Anyone that would extend credit to her is crazy.

    She is living in a fantasy world. Or I should say she is living in a drug world.

  5. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    I just went through the same thing. In fact, difficult child does not yet know the account is closed. He has no cash and no reason to use it.

    We have to protect ourselves, including our credit ratings, etc. I'm so very sorry Nancy...
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh, Nancy, it is hard to take those necessary steps because you know that with each one you are one step farther away from your difficult child. That is hard for any mother but you need to protect yourself from her bad choices.

    That doesn't make it easy or keep you from feeling sad.


  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The reason why you can close it, but not take your name off the account and leave it open, is... the bank has YOU to fall back on for non-payment of fees. So, if fees etc. can keep being applied to the account, and there's a responsible person attached to the account... it isn't really in the bank's best interest to let you do that. If you CLOSE the account, then there are no more fees that can be applied - so they are still covered.
  8. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Nancy, so sorry for you. I am glad you are closing the doors but I know this hurts like crazy. All we can do is love these incredibly sick kids of ours. There are no solutions and we have no control over anything they do. All we have is control over ourselves and our choices. I think you are making really good choices. A big hug to you.
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ugh $10 in fees just went through and the account is now -$10 since I took everything out of it and out it in her checking. And there are more fees to come. I am so sick of this.

  10. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    Went through that too! and my unemployed difficult child asked me a month ago to cosign a loan with him! In one apartment he was in with friends (lasted two months) they had put the phone in my name with out my knowledge so they would not have to pay a deposit. I still can't believe that happened!

    They were kicked out and the $800 phone bill came to me. I had not signed anything and I refused to pay it. The credit company refused to take it off my credit so I wrote a letter to be filed stating I did not approve to have the phone installed and I would not be responsible for any of his debits.
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That's what I'm afraid of. We have never had bad credit all the years husband and I have been married and I'm not about to let difficult child ruin that. I talked to the bank and she is watching the account to make sure all the excess transactions fees post and is then closing the savings. I mailed difficult child the forms to take my name off the checking and if she doesn't do that early next week I am closing her checking account. That should get her to respond.

    I certainly learned my lesson. I thought I was helping her but then again I thought I was helping her for years.

  12. wantpeace

    wantpeace New Member

    So sorry about everything you've been going through. You are one strong lady and you are doing such a great job sticking to what you know you have to do.

    Our difficult children only care about immediate gratification and expect us to be there to clean up their messes. Hang in there, Nancy.

  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It gets worse. Today they charged her a $33 overdraft fee because of the two excess transaction fees that got applied after the money was moved from the savings to checking. So she now has a -$33 in that account and they still can't close it until it's zero. Of course I called them again and told them I want the $33 removed from the account since they took the money and moved it to the other account without first knowing there were more fees coming.

  14. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Banking fees just make me burn. A large national bank tried to charge easy child over $500 in fees because of a $5 overdraft that she didn't realize that she made and didn't find out for a week. They just keep adding fees all week.

    easy child fought it and went to the corporate level who reduced the fee to $100. I didn't even want her to pay that.

    Yes, your difficult child is being not being responsible with her money but the bank doesn't need to make obscene profits from it. Of course, someone that works for a bank would probably see this differently. I hope you can get it worked out.

  15. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    The banking fees burn me up completely... which is why we paid the $4 we needed to help difficult child close his account. He was getting charged a monthly fee for an account he wasn't using. It was ridiculous. My name wasn't on it so I couldn't do anything without him calling the bank... so when my husband was down there we did it. I will never put my name on any account he has though.

    Grrr to the banks.

  16. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

  17. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Once I get this straightened out we are closing our accounts that we have had there for over 20 years and going to another bank that does not charge fees and has a 24 hour window to correct overdrafts witout penalty. We never overdraw but I like that they do that. They also take money from your savings to cover overdrafts from checking with no fees or penalties. easy child already moved her accounts yesterday and as soon as I get difficult child's account straightened out and put inher name I am leaving also. It's our only way of protesting their practices.

    The banks have just found new ways to charge excessive fees to people and make their millions at our expense. Since the govt closed down many of their fee practices they found new ones. This is usury. I refuse to pay a fee of any kind to a bank. They have my money and they give me virtually no interest. And after the fiasco with them giving difficult child a credit card even when told she was not responsible I hope this bank fails. They are operating the same way banks did when they loaned borrowers money for homes they could not afford.

  18. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I totally feel your pain. We went thru something very similar with difficult child. In fact, I filed complaints with multiple gov agencies because I paid off the accounts to close them, and the credit union REOPENED them on difficult child's request - including a Visa card and a line of credit which is ridiculous considering he was unemployed. The credit union wrote me a brusque "this is none of your business - butt out" letter in reply despite the fact that I enclosed copies of the canceled checks I WROTE on MY PERSONAL account (with 'to close account" in the memo field) to pay off his delinquent accounts. grrrrrrrr At the very least, I am hoping someone at the credit union took a look at his accounts and lowered the credit available but I doubt it.

    Again, just another futile attempt to save our difficult child's from themselves - that will be unappreciated and is likely to be held against us by them.

  19. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    My difficult child whould have a negative number for a credit score at this point if they went that low. He just kept buying things he could not afford and also over drew his bank account for over $500. They tried to make me pay it up but they didn't have a leg to stand on. Unfortunately his creditors somehow have found out my unpublished telephone number and I will probably have to change that yet again. Bottom line is that I will not even pay a bill for him with my checking account I do everything by money order because I in no way want my accounts tied to him. Protect yourself no matter what it takes that is my motto. -RM
  20. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    RM . . husband, easy child and I have all gotten calls on our cell phones from creditors looking for difficult child. We have all told them that we are not difficult child and to stop calling us immediately. It seems to have worked for now.

    It is just one more thing we have to put up with thanks to our difficult child's bad decisions regarding money. I have started giving them difficult child's cell phone number when they call. I don't see why she shouldn't have to face the consequences of her bad choices. Of course, she just changes her number.