Basic everyday parent of difficult child rant ...long

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mstang67chic, Sep 28, 2007.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    :grrr: What's that saying? "Some days it's just not worth chewing through the restraints"?

    I got up early to get ready for a team meeting at the high school this morning. difficult child was grumpy anyway because the meetings "don't do anything" and he didn't want people to know. (Yeah like we're going to do it in the middle of the commons at the high school with signs saying "mental health team meeting for C---- G---".)

    As we're walking into the school, I notice a bulge in his back pocket......get close enough to see into his pocket and it's his gameboy. Asked him for it and he of course lies and tells me it's his wallet. Ask again and as he hands it to me I told him that he's been warned and it's now gone permanently. (been having problems with him taking it to school or sneaking it to bed to play half the night) The little snot looks me dead in the eye and in a (threatening???) tone of voice, says "It's NOT gone." I just kept walking and said in an offhand manner, "It's not up to you." He then changes tactics and says he's not going to the meeting.'s YOUR team, yes you are. So we're sitting in the office waiting on the rest of the team.....they never show. We got our wires crossed on the location. Siiiiiiiiigh.

    As he stands to leave, I notice his jeans. Oh, excuse me.......MY jeans, that he's wearing. Again.(How a 6'2" bean pole can wear my size 12 jeans is beyond me) I've taken them from him multiple times because he seems to think that since he's already taken them from me and slit them at the ankles so that I won't wear them, then he should be able to keep them. (Ohhhhh I see.......steal something from someone, ruin it for the owner and then get rewarded by being able to keep it? Suuuuuuuure. Not a problem.) I thought they were mine yesterday when he had them on but he showed me the label on the waist band and they were a different brand. Just goes to show I need to look closer. He had taken the label from another pair of jeans and taped it onto those then covered it with his belt. But of course this time was my fault because I left them out in the bathroom which, as we all know, makes them (or any of our things) fair game.

    Before I leave the office the girls let me know that he had a t-shirt and pair of sweats from the school that he was loaned to wear after his jeans ripped at school, taking him out of dress code. (why this required a t-shirt also is beyond me) So when I get home I ventured into THE PIT to see if I can find the clothes. I'm always finding cd's of mine or husband's in there that he's taken from the stereo in the living room to listen to in his room. This time I find cd's from MY CAR. So now not only can I not leave ANYTHING of mine lying around MY house but I apparently can't leave things in my car either.

    I am just sooooooooo sick of living like this. I can't leave anything out in my own home. I don't even have anything of mine except a hair dryer and my contacts in the bathroom. Nothing. I have a little caddy I carry my toiletries in when I take a shower or get ready. It has my shampoo, conditioner, hair stuff and deoderant in it. If I leave any of this in the bathroom it disappears. Curling irons? I used to have two. They were left in the bathroom and the cords were cut off. Make up compact? Had one. The powder was dug out, dropped all over the floor and the case made into something. (also using my snap on sunglasses from my glasses)

    He turns 18 in March but won't graduate until Jan 09 at the earliest. I don't know if I've finally reached the end of my rope or if it's the countdown till he's 18 but I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fed up. I feel nothing but resentment towards him most days anymore. At best, he doesn't get on my nerves when he breathes. People tell me, "Well just MAKE him leave your things alone" :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Eh????? And just how do you propose I do that genius?????

    Do you think if we all chip in we can buy our own private tropical island somewhere to use as our own mental health respite?
  2. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I'll sell my car for a peice of the island.
  3. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    heck...I'll sell the house. They can live in the car.
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    :rofl: !!!!!

    OMG Mustang. I'm so sorry. What a turkey.
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am with you.........SO with you! The daily grind with these kids, is just beyond grueling!
    Like yours, my son literally thinks that anything that comes in the house is his! I mean, I just don't get the lack of boundaries. I literally have to go in his room and check to see what else he may have confiscated of mine, on a daily basis. Hmmmpff? Is that my alarm clock? Uhhh? Is that my pillow? Excuse me? Is that my stapler, the batteries I just bought, all of the lightbulbs in the house? I mean pleeeaaazzzeeee!!!!!!!!!!!
    I don't know if I can make it another year either! He makes me TIRED!!! :crazy2:
  6. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    I am with ya too Mstang! Just like WW does, I have to go into my difficult children room daily to find what they've taken the previous day. I even had to move all my difficult children to the same room and PCs to another just to keep things seperate. Now PCs have a lock on their door so difficult children can't steal their stuff. It's CRAZY!

    You would think after getting in trouble a bajillion times for it that it would sink in eventually, but nope!

    I think it may be hoarding like Marg mentioned awhile back. Maybe it's a need they have, who knows. Still drives me nutso!
  7. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I make pop inspections and it just burns difficult child to no end. He'll whine and moan about it and say that I don't need to keep doing it. Well, as long as I keep finding things in there that aren't yours then yes, I DO need to keep doing it. (The latest "invention" was a scrap of one of my throws {grrrrr} wrapped around a bundle of pencils and a drum stick. WTH?) Oh and the lock on your easy child's door? You may have to make that a deadbolt if it isn't already. We had to do that to our bedroom door as difficult child broke in. Twice.

    I used to think that it was something difficult child as a hold over from foster care and while part of it may very well I just think it's him. As you said.......who knows.
  8. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    They are keyed locks on the doors, mine and PCs. Now if I can just keep PCs from constantly losing their key, we'll be fine.

    I do "pop" inspections too. I can see the panick in difficult children faces as I flip up mattresses. We've found poopy underwear between the mattress and box spring on several occasions. What a treat that is!

    We also find birthday cards of PCs, which I REALLY don't get?!?! Why do you need their birthday card? Then of course the gameboys and candy wrappers. That, I can understand at least, entertainment and treats.

    Ahh, the fun of our kids!
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    We should have an emoticon of a mom running in circles pulling out her hair screaming the whole time. I think it would get used the most!

    I am sorry he continues to not get the boundaries. My difficult child is the same way. I locked my bedroom door - she is offended but 'too bad, so sad'.

    by the way - my difficult child has collected garbage before. I used to throw away the price tags to her clothes and she would have a meltdown because 'she was saving that!' PTSD.....

  10. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    My other favorite, and in the same vein, is difficult child using my household tools for kungfu objects. I just went out to do yardwork........and guess what? My broom handle was missing and my rake handle was broken because he evidently thought they would make a good baton/sword/ninja something or other! And, my scissors were missing........I am sure I will find them in his room amongst the remnants of my rake and broom.
  11. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    :rofl: been there done that
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This is one reason I no longer live with difficult child. He would have turned on me att he removal of the gameboy and tried to wrestle me to the ground to kick.

    SOOOOO not happening. Somehoww, after hundreds of hours od heavily supervised work in the yard, he is handling things better at my parents.

  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Mstang, that is MY difficult child, but he's only 10!
    I'm a size 4 (I'm can't reach anything in the cupboards!) and he's getting very tall. He wrecked my fave khaki pants.
    You've heard about all the other stuff.
    been there done that.
    I have to use a diff tactic for every single thing he does. For the pants, I loudly proclaimed in front of his friends, "Those are MY pants!" Boys don't want to be seen wearing their moms' pants. End of that one.
    Stealing the cell ph... I cut off access to the games. End of that one.
    Blah blah ...
    but it is SO exhausting!
    I feel for you.
  14. susiequte

    susiequte New Member

    I found the meat thermometer in difficult child #2's room when he was living with us. I hesitate to think what he was doing with it!!!!!
  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Love the idea of the emoticon mom running around pulling out her hair!!!

    I'm sorry your difficult child is being such a PITA mstang!

    I remember when we used to do surprise inspections-oh my the stuff he would steal. They used to have to take his backpack at school during the day because he would steal so much!

    Now, I'm going to knock on wood right now as I tell you for some unknown reason difficult child has stopped stealing things-it has slowly diminished over the years to the point where it appears to have stopped!!!!!!That, or he is getting much better at hiding what he steals!!!
  16. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


  17. morningcuppa

    morningcuppa New Member

    My two lads think its ok to "borrow" my stuff and break it sometimes. But what would happen if I did it to them!!

    Anyway I have a plan that I have also mentioned on another thread. When I am old I wil get my own back!
    I'll go round their houses and smash stuff up. Leave wet towels all over the bathroom floor and pinch food out of the fridge, (Leaving the door carefully open of course). Then I'll demand to be driven to the old peoples club and throw a major tantrum if one of then has the nerve to have other plans and smash some more stuff with my walking stick. When I get to the old peoples club I'll get drunk with my old mates then bring a few of them back to doss on the floor of my kids house. (Without asking them first of course). Then I'll throw up on the carpet and sleep till midday!

    What do you think?
  18. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    been there done that, wrote the book several times. What I love is that she will be absolutely convinced that whatever it is that she has was always hers. Happened just the other day about a pair of pants she had on. There is no way on God's green earth that she would buy a pair of slacks -- khakis for work, maybe, but not plain black slacks -- with slanted pockets. Yet, she had them on, mine are missing but she's had these since she left home the last time! :hammer:

    For many things, I found a simple solution -- she paid for what she had taken. I keep all receipts for one month. If something comes up missing of mine during that time period, I check her room and bathroom. If found there, I would simply tell her how much it cost and expect her to pay for it. If she didn't pay for it, I would take something of hers of similar value and call it a fair trade. It was rather amusing when she took my hairspray and I took her new box of tampons. When it came time to need them, she was none too happy to hear that I had used them to thoroughly clean the undersides of anything that had a lip (a tampon really does work rather well for that when dipped in Oxyclean). She was stuck with pads until she could buy more with her own money, something she loathes (both the pads and using her own money for that). :smile:

    I will say that since I started implementing the money/trade rule, I don't lose half as much of my stuff.

    I honestly don't think they quite get it until they start working and have to buy some of their own things. Then it begins to sink in a little. I know for my daughter, her logic truly convinced her that what was mine was hers and she could never understand why it would upset me.

    Now, if someone can find a solution to dirty dishes in the bedroom, please let me know. Drives me crazy! Between being unsanitary, smelling and ending with broken dishes because they get stepped on under the pile of clothes, I have the absolute urge to shake her until her teeth start rattling. Guess it's a good thing she's bigger than me.
  19. morningcuppa

    morningcuppa New Member

    My son does strange things too. He put hair wax in the microwave to "see what would happen to it".
  20. jamrobmic

    jamrobmic New Member

    A co-worker of mine has a difficult child husband (I keep telling her I would much rather have a difficult child son than a difficult child husband), and we keep telling each other there needs to be an island where we can send all the difficult child people in our lives. It wouldn't have to be a tropical island-any old island will do.

    Our son also takes our things to do with as he pleases (mostly husband's tools, but other things as well). husband tells him he doesn't mind if difficult child uses them, if he would just put them back where he finds them. Of course, difficult child doesn't, because that would make life too simple.

    The food in the refrigerator isn't safe, either. We don't mind what he eats, of course, but he wastes a lot of it. He also drinks out of the cartons, so if we buy milk or orange juice or soft drinks, we don't drink any of it after it's been opened. We never know whether or not difficult child has had his mouth on the containers.

    So far we haven't found a way to make him leave our things alone. I have threatened to have his (much) younger cousins come over and play in his room while he's not home, but so far I haven't done it. It's very tempting, though. But I doubt if that would get through to him, either.