LOL - No, Step, I'm most definitely *not* old enough to have a 21-year-old (or his 23-year-old brother).
Suz - Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), I think the change has everything to do with him and not a whole lot to do with- anything we ever did (which is incredibly frustrating!!), aside from letting him know we were here if/when he got it together. He's adamant that the behaviors were 100% volitional on his part, which I have a hard time wrapping my head around (what child chooses institutions over home?), but... I think bottom line is he just finally got tired of it all. We were told when he was 9 that he'd change when it got to be too expensive for him to stay the same - who knew it would take so doggone long! So I don't have a road map for promoting positive change, just a deep and daily gratitude that he survived long enough to make that change.
I will say that he seems to have zero anger over the well-meant choices husband and I made to try to get him on track, and that's been really healing for me - I find myself second-guessing those choices far less now.
It was kind of surreal the night before his b-day, talking about rules re: alcohol in the house. I know how easy it is to fall into the bottom of a bottle and that is my biggest worry for him. But we're sitting in the living room, emphasizing no drunken homecomings, *no* drunk driving (him or friends), no providing alcohol to minors, no beer for breakfast, etc., and he's sitting there listening and agreeing. Hunh???? Who is this man-child??? When I get to the part about if he gets in a car with- a drunk driver and doesn't get splattered all over the road, *I* will kill him - I won't be happy to get a call in the wee hours to come pick him up, but I will be far more ticked if I get the call to collect his personal effects - he just looked at me and said, "Mom, you've been telling me that since I was 2. I *know*, and I will *call* you, I promise." LOL, I guess he did hear me.
He brought me home one of those wine cooler malt drinks last night. Guess the guy at the liquor store gave him a hard time about turning 21 and drinking *that* as opposed to - I don't know, bottle of whiskey? LOL. thank you took it all in stride and we toasted his b-day.
