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BDP daughter wants to her & I to go family therapy
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 658589" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Billy. If she keeps cancelling the therapy appointments I would not make more, until she takes the initiative and does so.</p><p></p><p>I second the idea of Alanon and psychotherapy. You need support. You also need to develop a thicker skin if you want a relationship with your daughter so that you can find a constructive way to handle her meanness to you, and not take it personally.</p><p></p><p>This is not uncommon that daughters blame their mothers unfairly. I would try to learn to consider the source. Your daughter cannot and does not determine your worth, or can she really understand your experience and point of view. I was in your situation. I was extremely sensitive to what my son said about me, particularly to other people, like my neighbors. I felt it was unjust and I felt so exposed and betrayed by him.</p><p></p><p>WRONG. Why did I give him this power?</p><p></p><p>I wish I had not spent even 5 minutes in pain. If he wants to or needs to portray me in a negative light, it is on him, not me. I was a good mother. End of story. I love him with all my heart. End of story.</p><p></p><p>If you need help coming to that point, where it runs off your back, ditto, therapy and Alanon.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I echo the other posters. You decide when you are available to babysit, not your daughter. You take control over your life. Acquire some new hobbies. Write your memoir. Start a home-based business. Join a quilting group (sounds fun to me.) </p><p></p><p>Do not allow her to victimize or use you. Challenge yourself to say "no."</p><p></p><p>She has a big mouth. Why do you even care what she says? You are the one who knows your feelings, and commitments, not her. Ditto Alanon and psychotherapy here so that you can bulk yourself up, to not care so much.</p><p></p><p>You are the adult in the room here. You were the best mother you knew how to be and could be. That goes for all of us. There is no perfect mother. If our children need to distance themselves, so be it. Go out and have a great life.</p><p></p><p>Believe me, there is nothing easy here. Don't think it is easy for me, either. We have to take care of ourselves. You do not deserve to suffer. Not one bit.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 658589, member: 18958"] Hi Billy. If she keeps cancelling the therapy appointments I would not make more, until she takes the initiative and does so. I second the idea of Alanon and psychotherapy. You need support. You also need to develop a thicker skin if you want a relationship with your daughter so that you can find a constructive way to handle her meanness to you, and not take it personally. This is not uncommon that daughters blame their mothers unfairly. I would try to learn to consider the source. Your daughter cannot and does not determine your worth, or can she really understand your experience and point of view. I was in your situation. I was extremely sensitive to what my son said about me, particularly to other people, like my neighbors. I felt it was unjust and I felt so exposed and betrayed by him. WRONG. Why did I give him this power? I wish I had not spent even 5 minutes in pain. If he wants to or needs to portray me in a negative light, it is on him, not me. I was a good mother. End of story. I love him with all my heart. End of story. If you need help coming to that point, where it runs off your back, ditto, therapy and Alanon. I echo the other posters. You decide when you are available to babysit, not your daughter. You take control over your life. Acquire some new hobbies. Write your memoir. Start a home-based business. Join a quilting group (sounds fun to me.) Do not allow her to victimize or use you. Challenge yourself to say "no." She has a big mouth. Why do you even care what she says? You are the one who knows your feelings, and commitments, not her. Ditto Alanon and psychotherapy here so that you can bulk yourself up, to not care so much. You are the adult in the room here. You were the best mother you knew how to be and could be. That goes for all of us. There is no perfect mother. If our children need to distance themselves, so be it. Go out and have a great life. Believe me, there is nothing easy here. Don't think it is easy for me, either. We have to take care of ourselves. You do not deserve to suffer. Not one bit. [/QUOTE]
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BDP daughter wants to her & I to go family therapy
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