Been a bad year so far...need advice!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by CCRidr2, Apr 28, 2008.

  1. CCRidr2

    CCRidr2 Sheena-Warrior Momma

    Hey all! I know I haven't posted in a while. It's been kinda crazy around here. I need some advice on how to deal with our SD.

    I tried a little before the first of the year to talk to the principal and vice principal to get our difficult child on an IEP for behavior because I could see that he was spiraling out of control at home and some of it was oozing into school time. They assured me..haha...that he didn't need an IEP because he hadn't had any major behavior problems and his grades were fine and weren't declining. Of course I told them what was going on at home and that it would soon begin to leak out at school as well. They weren't helpful and wouldn't put him on an IEP.

    Since Feb 29th he has been suspended for 3 days for threatening to kill his teacher after she moved his desk for the 5th time that day, two weeks later he was taken out of Music class for 2 days for being verbally abusive to a classmate because the classmate wanted to hear what the teacher was saying and our difficult child wouldn't stop talking, and last week he had ISS for drawing obscene pictures and phrases on the bathroom wall and is now not allowed to go to the restroom without supervision. And now his grades are declining little by little.

    I hate to say "I told you so" but obviously I know my son better than they do, go figure! We finally got the approval from the insurance company for psychiatric evaluation and took him Friday to be evaluated. They wanted to go inpatient first but the insurance wants us to go with a lower level of care first to see if that works, if not then they will approve inpatient care. We are fine with that. He is going into an IOP for children with anger and defiance issues. Three days a week 3 hours a day for 6-8 weeks. He will have to miss his last two classes in order to get there. How do I deal with the school to get them to do his schoolwork as homework. They haven't proven to be the most supportive of SD's. Any advice would be creatly appreciated.

    On the proud Mommy moment front, easy child 2 participated in 2 band competitions one with the whole band and one with just two of his other band members and won Gold in both comps! easy child 2 is also playing baseball again (catcher) and has some impressive stats so far! easy child 1 has gotten straight A's the entire year while still participating in band and softball. easy child 1 was also chosen for our state Honors Band! She was accepted into a school for her sophomore through senior year that will allow her to take college classes at the same time as high school classes. When she graduates HS it will be with her Diploma for HS and an Associates Degree both! She will have only 2 more years of college to receive her Bachelors Degree.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    You can put in a formal request with the school for an IEP. Attach a copy of the psychiatrists diagnosis and report to the request. If they try to ignore it go over their heads.

    Also, take a look over in the Special Education forum. They really know their stuff in there and can give you tons of helpful advice.

    Way To Go! For both pcs!! You should be one heck of a proud Momma!

  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    You need to send a letter CERTIFIED MAIL requesting that your difficult child be evaluated for an IEP. Talking doesn't get you anymore. Sending the letter starts a federal timeline under which the evaluation must take place or the SD needs to inform you in writing why they won't evaluate.

    Good luck.
  4. looking4hope

    looking4hope New Member

    Also go online and find some sites that can help you word your letter to the principal. There are some code words to include, and remember that a learning disability is defined as the gap between what a child can learn and is learning. The fact that your difficult child is out of the class more than in, he definitely has a gap! Make sure that they do a full psychiatric profile, as many SDs don't accept the diagnosis of outside specialists, even though many of them have more education than the school psychiatric (that was the situation at my difficult child's SD).

    Make sure that a copy of this letter also goes to the assistant superintendent of Special Education, so that the school can't jerk you around (a mistake I made, but the school had to take the fall because I had copies of the letter and a receipt of acceptance). I hand delivered my letter and got a receipt, which holds the same legal binding as a certified letter.

    Anyway, many SDs don't want to put any kids into Special Education because of the $$$, even though the federal government helps to pay for Special Education services. Remember that your child has a right to a free, appropriate and public education whenever you have a meeting with the principal, etc. Right now your child isn't getting an appropriate education, and he needs services to help him get it.
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I agree about sending the letter. Also, from here on (and backtrack as far as you can also) - keep a written record ( computer diary is good) of all the communication and problems, between you and the school. I do it as a diary, with each date in bold, followed by the entry. Sometimes a specific problem requires a separate file on it, but trying to keep it all together is perhaps better. On the computer you can also do a quick search on a key word, to find all cases of similar incidents. For example, difficult child 3 used to have problems with one other kid in particular, so I could do a search on the kid's name, or on a related key word, and track all incidents I'd recorded. And because each one was dated, I was quickly able to do a list for the school (or their bosses).

    BUT - if the IEP hasn't eventuated before these sessions start and you still can't get any cooperation re giving you work for him to go on with, here is what we did:

    We set in place a strict rule, "school work during school hours." The only way out of doing school work was if he was so sick and feverish, he fell asleep. If he was genuinely sick but awake, I'd get him to do his work in bed if necessary. This way, just saying he felt sick was not an escape route for schoolwork (I was worried I was raising a hypochondriac).

    When we went to various appointments, we brought schoolwork with us.

    But if the school won't give you any work, then make it up yourself. Find some. I found study books in the bookshops which looked interesting and seemed to fit with his school year; I bought some, I also bought some computer software for study revision, and I then gave him some choice in what to do at what time. If we were at home (such as a suspension, or him throwing up at school again) he could do stuff on the computer. But if we were on the road, we would do stuff on audio tapes in the car or he could write while we were stopped in traffic, or waiting in waiting rooms.

    Today, for example - difficult child 3 had a study session with his English teacher (at his correspondence school). We left at lunchtime, but I'd brought extra work with us. husband was with us and had a doctor's appointment, so while we waited for husband, difficult child 3 got on with his Science worksheets (and finished them). Tomorrow we will be at home, so he will be able to use the computer to type up the English work he began today with his teacher, and begin another unit for which he needs the CD player (a listening task for Geography).

    Before difficult child 3 was able to enrol in correspondence, I was unofficially home-schooling him and had amassed quite a large supply of teaching and resource material. As I watched him work through it, I was able to see the gaps in his knowledge due to the many times he was unable to work in class, or sent out of the room. Entire slabs of subjects have been completely missing from his education. He's a very bright boy, but that's no help if the work is never done.

    Hope this helps.

  6. CCRidr2

    CCRidr2 Sheena-Warrior Momma

    Thanks all this helps sooo much! Here we go!