Been a while, need some encouragement, tips

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ducky8888, Jul 17, 2013.

  1. ducky8888

    ducky8888 New Member

    I have not been on here in a while, but I got some encouragement last time i was here.

    My girlfriend (of 9 months now) had an 11 year old difficult child, and we are now living together. His father has been mostly absent, and has been allowed to rule the roost with his temper tantrums and violence. In the past 8-9 months he has been visiting his father every other weekend and going to his grandmother's every sunday. The reports we get from them is that he manages his tendencies while there. He is scared of his father and his grandmother's husband.

    At our home (I moved into their house), he makes no effort to control himself. He is rude, cusses, steals, takes apart others toys (bikes, scooters, etc.), kicks holes in the walls, and does whatever he wants. When someone says something he doesnt like he calls them a retard and makes gestures and talks weird to try and put the person down (does this to everyone, me, mother, brothers, sister). I have lots of tools, toys, interesting things, etc. he has asked to use most everything and is constantly told "No" (no one is allowed to use them, I am not singling him out), last night I found he was trying to get my $700 RC car going, and stole a $250 handheld gaming system to take to a friends house for the night. This is not to mention he has taken apart my son's bike, saying he is making it better but the good parts appear on his own bike. he has done the same for almost every bike and scooter in the house (6 kids!). I asked him to get out of my room the other night and he flat out told me that he wouldnt, there is nothing I could do to make him and if I tried to physically move him he would call the cops cause I cant touch him unless he is being violent. He steals food, especially "treats" or anything he likes. He wastes food, always serves way more than he can eat and then leaves it where ever he last was. Usually the couch in front of the TV, where he is not supposed to be eating, and laughs at me when I tell him he cant be in there with food.

    Things have gotten so out of control and I feel helpless. My girlfriend gets so tired of me going to her to try and reinforce the rules that she starts to get mad at me. When he does get violent/physical I have restrained him (safely) and he is scared of me, but he knows I wont "hurt" him like his father would (even though his father has given me permission, in difficult children presence, to hit him). We have tried time-outs, which only cause grief because that is where he does the most damage to the walls, if we can actually get him to go to the time-out area. and then he sits there and screams, cries, yells, throws things, etc. We have tried grounding to the house, to his room, etc. but when he doesnt feel like being grounded he simply walks out, and when I try to physically block him with my body from leaving his room or the house, I get in trouble for being controlling.

    The other night I hit my limit. he stole my bike (because he took his bike apart and lost pieces) and broke part of it when he threw it on the ground. I became very bitter and started treating him very rude (and childish/mocking).

    Its upsetting because I feel like none of my concerns are being addressed. He recently got a new psychologist, and during the initial meeting he asked what kind of behavior things we see in him. I had brought up his obsessive behavior. When he sees or thinks of something he will not let it go until it is answered in the manner he wants. I.e. I mentioned the RC car earlier. He has been bugging me ever since he saw it at my house 9 months ago to use it. I have told him no every time, and given 100 reasons why. My handheld gaming device is the same. He does this with everything. Food is the worst. if he knows there is something in the kitchen he wants, and is told he cannot have it, he asks over and over, eventually he sneaks into the kitchen, usually in the middle of the night, and tries to find what he wants. If he cannot find what he is "obsessing" over he tears everything apart. The psychologist says that this is not obsessive behavior, just persistant behavior, and he wont talk about it because it cannot be fixed with medication. His only concerns are things that can be addressed with a prescription. I have asked over and over and over for him to be seen by a neuropsychologist (at the recommendation of this group) as I believe, based on his behavior and other factors (great at math, sensitive to certain sounds, maturity level, etc.) that he is spectrum and possibly needs different medication.

    I know a lot of his behavior is because of his odd/adhd, but I cant help getting mad and treating him badly because I know he can control it when he wants to. If he was to say da*n, fu**, or tell his dad to F-off, or call him an :censored2: he would be picking himself up off the floor when he wakes up next week. His dad's house doesnt have holes in the walls. No broken windshields or dents in the cars over there. he doesnt sneak food there. This tells me that he doesnt care enough, hasnt been disciplined enough, or something, to not want to control himself.

    I think his mother is part of the problem. She allows him to get away with things because it is very hard dealing with the outbursts when he doesnt get his way, but I think thats what makes it worse when she does decide to be strict.She is also very "divorced-mother" to all of them. even though most of the issues in the house are food/treat related, and if it were up to me the difficult child would not get "treats" (or anything he wants) while he behaves like this, she doesnt see them as treats. On the day when I got fed up because I came home to stolen/broken bike, tools in the driveway, scraps of food all over the freshly cleaned garage, etc. He was not allowed to get ice cream (for some other behavior he had earlier that she was punishing him for) but he was given a bowl of whipped cream...

    Please, give me some tips, encouragement... I could really use it right now
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My advice?

    Leave.You haven't even known her a year and you moved in? You didn't have the whole picture and I doubt she did either. If you "can't help treating him bad" for ANY reason, you shouldn't be around him. He doesn't need you there treating him bad. You are harming him when you do that. He is a child who is possibly on the spectrum. You're an adult who is supposed to be able to control yourself.

    You don't understand the boy and he is not acting out for his father. That could be because his father doesn't have him as often or it could be that he doesn't like Mom with another man and in my opinion the kid comes first. You are not related to this boy. by the way, you DO NOT know how much he can control it. You are making assumptions that he is out to make your life miserable. Do you really think his mother will choose you over him? If things remain bad with Mom, maybe Dad will step in and file for custody. You need to behave yourself like an adult or get out. Do you think beating him is a good way to make him behave? Are you sure his father beats him? It is dangerous to make allegations that you can not prove. This is a special needs child who needs more understanding than most kids and looks like everyone is failing him.

    Any man who ""gets better and treats him bad"...and this isn't even his child is harming the kid. I really hope you don't stick around. I think I remember you from before and you were pulling this immature stuff back then too. Looks like nothing has changed.

    by the way, nothing about this child is "up to you." You have no legal connection to him. If you touch him you will be in deep trouble so don't even think about it. What kind of encouragement do you want? This is a special needs child who will be challenging perhaps forever. My best encouragement to you is to find somebody without any kids. You don't sound very happy and you will never be in control of this situation.

    Sir, I think I remember you from last time and it was the same song and dance. Is this the woman you CAN'T leave because...I forgot what the reason was.

    The only person I feel sorry for here is the child.
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2013
  3. Jules71

    Jules71 Warrior Mom since 2007

    How long have you been living in the home? Did your children move in too? Is his behavior the same or worse since you moved in? How was your relationship with him before you moved in?

    It is HARD living with a difficult child. Downright EXHAUSTING! My 11 yr old difficult child with ADHD and ODD sounds similar.

    Don't expect regular parenting/discipline to work. You may have to lock up or remove your items you don't want him messing with. You may have to lock up the tools so he can't disassemble the bikes. Think of ways to limit the things you have deal with. Manage his environment more. Don't have snacks in the house you don't want him sneaking. Pick one or two behaviors to deal with right now and ignore the other stuff.

    Hope this helps. I too have acted immature, freaked out, yelled, screamed, cussed, etc. Raising a difficult child is the hardest thing I have ever done. No one is perfect so don't beat yourself up about it. Just try to do better next time. Every single day here is a challenge.
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I would also advise you to leave. You can continue dating with your SO without living together and move back together in later date, when situation with kids is more settled. This kid sounds like having some serious behaviours and frankly it is not a service for your kids to have them around him. The kid needs some professional help and beating him is not an answer you are looking for.

    If you choose to stay, you have to really change your perspective. You seem to relate to him like petulant big brother and not an adult and authority/parent-figure. Behaving like that only leaves your SO one more (bit bigger) kid to parent and that not only doesn't work but also will destroy your relationship.

    I'm sorry to be this blunt, but you are in situation that is not healthy for any of you.
  5. ducky8888

    ducky8888 New Member

    Thank you to the 2 that actually replied with useful information. I am sorry you misunderstood my intent about the "beating", I didnt mean to infer that I thought this was an OK method of control. I would never suggest that the proper way to handle this is by me hitting him. All I meant was that he does control himself (tantrums, cussing, rude behavior) if he thinks his behavior will lead to some kind of punishment. It could be physical, but he also can control himself when he wants things.

    Jules: I have lived there since January, and no, things have only gotten worse the last couple days. We have always had problems with him, it just seems that everytime I turn around the last couple days he is doing or saying something to cause grief. Things between us didnt change from before moving in to after moving in. My worry about ignoring stuff until a few things are better is that he will get it into his head that those things are OK and allowed. He is very much one of those kids that goes the way of "well, i used to be able to do it..." In fact this has been a constant struggle since I moved in (even before), he will make some food and if there are kids out front (or he feels like it) he takes it out. I would generally not have a problem with this, but he is also very lazy, so everything gets left out, and when he is asked to clean up, he throws a fit and everythign ends up in the trash (utensils, plates, etc.). Thanks again for the tips and words of encouragement!

    SuZir: I appreciate you being candid. believe me, we have talked many times about the effects on my kids (and the effects on her kids too). Her daughter moved out a few years ago cause she couldnt handle it. I am still pushing for him to be seen by a neuropsychologist. I think it would be in everyones best interest to know exactly what he has going on. His only test was a 45 minute skills test and chat with a doctor where they noticed he couldnt stay on task, got frustrated easily, and talked about getting mad at family and teachers.

    MidWestMom, Before you go off on a rant about me, get all the information. I have "known" her for almost 20 years. We started dating 9 months ago. I think you need to go through some of these other posts from parents "ranting" about their children and when they have break-downs in dealing with their children's behavior (example: read what Jules wrote). I have read some horrible things that natural parents write about how they treat their own flesh and blood, and you want to get on here and criticize me for yelling or mocking a difficult child when I get overwhelmed, while you are "detaching" from your own children? I thought this was a place where a person could go to let off some steam in a safe, non-judgmental place. In fact you have been on here frequently looking for the support of others, 6/18/2013, did you get people on here telling you what a bad mother you are for thinking bad things? Going through your posts I see a pattern, You are great and supportive to natural parents, but anyone talking about having a or being a boyfriend you suddenly get rude and cynical. Why is that? Do you control yourself 100% of the time? I am guessing no. Or do you come here and rag on people looking for support to let off your steam? His father admits to hitting him, and the 16 year old daughter has supported the stories. They are not allegations. I dont see how you can possibly remember me. I have posted on here 4 times previously and all of the posts were about me explaining the difficult children behavior and asking from the vast experience here what direction the forum thought we should be headed in with his treatment and medication. I never, ever mentioned anything about how I treated or reacted to him and I never mentioned anything about my relationship with his mother, i could leave if I wanted to. You must have me mixed up with someone else on here and you should clarify that BEFORE you use that to judge me. And, I am not here looking for relationship advice, you can keep all of that to yourself. I am in a relationship with an amazing person and I am not going to leave because she has a troubled child. I never once said i was going to harm the child, in fact I said "he knows I wont "hurt" him". Look into the state and federal laws and get your facts straight about "in loco parentis". The laws says that any person authorized by child's parents MAY "reasonably discipline a child, including use of reasonable force". Maybe you dont understand the nature of having a relationship. His mother and I, who are the ones he spends 95% of his time with, work together to decide what is best for everyone, including the difficult child. So, once again, your wrong, I do have a say in what happens to him, I am part of the household. We work TOGETHER. As a couple. He may not be my blood child, but his mother and I have decided to be in a long term, committed relationship. Your going to tell me cause I have a bad couple days that I should go find someone else? And why someone without kids? Did you know that I have 2 PCs and she has 3 other PCs? and guess what, I am not on a forum ranting about being a "step-parent" and dealing with kids that arent mine. I am here looking for compassion from people who have the same struggles I have. I am here telling you about my weak moments and you are going to come on here and vilify me? You dont know me, you dont know my girlfriend, and you dont know our difficult child, and you dont know our life. Keep your nasty opinion to yourself.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I don't know or care how long you knew her. The child is what I care about. You barely started dating her, moved in, and admit to inappropriate reactions to this child who is a legal stranger to you. I have three adopted kids so I don't care about DNA, but I do think it is ridiculous to assume you can actually just walk into the children's lives at this late date and start being a parent. You're not one. You have no rights to take this child anywhere for anything. It sounds like things are worse now. You are not helping. Are you legally divorced from your ex?

    And your examples of how you handled this child are not impressive. Since you are not his parent, you don't need to be in this child's life and you clearly want to be a big part of his discipline and treatment. You can't be. Just the facts. You are a Johnny-come-lately to this child and he sounds like he has a terrible life between his father beating him and you moving in with your brood and mentally abusing him. Why isn't your girlfriend trying to take custody away from the father if he beats his son? Are they in court now? If this were my kid, I'd be fighting really hard for sole custody. Makes me wonder if SHE cares HOW this child is treated, by Father or you.

    No matter what you and girlfriend decided, in this child's mind, you are probably an intruder, not part of the family. Maybe he thinks you took Mom from him. Just because you an d girlfriend say so doesn't make it a reality for a differently wired, struggling little boy who needs his mother's attention that she is now giving to you AND your two children as well. Do you understand how this may be seriously distressing him? Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids do worse with change than typical kids. If you don't "get" this, you don't get him at all. To him you are not his family. girlfriend and you can't will him to think that. It's way too soon.

    It is this 11 year old boy who needs compassion. Not you. You are an adult and should be able to stand on your own two feet. Parents or caregivers come here for their children. Sorry if this Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kid put a kink in your plans, but it is what it is and he is not going to disappear.

    Seems like poor guy can't win no matter where he is. My heart goes out to him, not you. You can take care of yourself, I hope. If this 11 year old had a very early chaotic life and many caregivers, then he could also have attachment disorder, which is even harder to handle. Did he have many caregivers from ages 0-4?
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2013
  7. ducky8888

    ducky8888 New Member

    Once again, you have no clue about our life. You are still making statements that you have no idea about. I moved into a house that she rents, I am on the least as a tenent now, I pay the bills since she doesnt work now, so who's house is it? What inappropriate actions? "legal stranger"? what does that even mean? I am their parental figure and a guardian... I take the kids to the doctor and dentist, i sign medical release forms, but because i am not married to their mother I am a "legal stranger"? You dont even know what you are talking about. Did I ever say he was Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)? I said I suspected it and I never said it wasnt a disability. I have a hot temper? no! especially not with children. Maybe with ignorant, know-it-alls, who have nothing better to do than sit around and try to beat down people looking for encouragement. SuZir did not say what you said. the only common thing was saying I should leave. SuZir gave constructive things to consider. You on the other hand, did nothing but try to demean and harass me for being open about my feelings on a support forum. Good Job! Did I come in here saying that the way I was acting was warranted, or did I come here and say this is the way I acted, help me get back to being a role model? Your not blunt. Your rude, inconsiderate, and obviously have nothing better to do in your life than to sit online and harass people. I have nerve? I moved into the home of a woman i love, and stepped into the role of a father figure. I live full-time with those children and I am not going to sit around while a child is misbehaving. In fact, when I first moved in I was not a disciplinarian to the children, but their mother has asked me to assist her. thats what couples do, they work together. make all the accusations and call me what ever demeaning terms you can think of, it isnt going to change that I have been more of a father to these boys in the last year than anyone else they have had in their life. I am a "live-in" and a "jonny-come-lately"? Oh, did I mention that I am the one who took the boys to Baseball? Practiced pitching with them (one on one), umped their games.... Oh, you didnt know about that before you got on here and told me I shouldnt be in these kids lives. Its great your kids have such a perfect role model, and we are all so lucky to have you here to show us our flaws and put us down for our mistakes. Its obvious by your posts that your kids are doing wonderful in life by following your amazing parenting skills. keep posting, that stick in your eye keeps getting bigger and bigger.
  8. ducky8888

    ducky8888 New Member

    "It is this 11 year old boy who needs compassion. Not you."

    I'm sorry, what the name of this forum again? I thought it was "Parent Support Forum", maybe I am in the wrong place
  9. ducky8888

    ducky8888 New Member


    Look at the first responder to this parent looking for help with their child:

    So because this parent didnt admit to having a weak moment in dealing with their difficult child they get help and support? I have learned a lot, thanks. Next time I will just put how frustrated I am and not admit to my short-comings that you so eagerly bashed me on
  10. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    The first priority with this kid should be getting him a proper evaluation. And make sure he is alo safe in his father's home. I'm not sure if I understood correctly but I think you are saying his father may use excessive force with him. That is hurtful for him even if it seems to work right now.

    How is he outside of home? Does he have problems at school, hobbies and with friends? What has his mother (and you) tried with him? What kind of discipline strategies etc. Have you attend any parenting classes or received parenting therapy?

    Thing I find little disturbing in your messages is that you seem to respond to him in some way from same level he is. You kind of expect him to operate in equal level with you in some ways. Not touching your toys (and yes, I do understand adults have toys that are too precious for kids to play with at least alone) or responding his bad behaviour by mocking him. As I said, bit like teen aged big brother would react. That simply doesn't work. And I happen to think that in blended families, even though the biological parent continues to have a main responsibility and be the main disciplinarian, both adults have to be on the same page and have parental, authority role to all kids.
  11. ducky8888

    ducky8888 New Member

    Thanks again Suzir, for a helpful reply. I really appreciate it.

    He is in an IEP and and has good and bad days there. When he is dealing with peers, he has troubles. He does get into cussing/screaming matches with them. The teachers there are trained for kids like him. They us a point system, they start the day at 40 and lose points for behavior. he frequently goes AWOL when he is asked to do things he doesnt like/want to do. In sports he does much better, I think because he is occupied constantly for the few hours a week he spends there. With friends, it is harder to tell because he doesnt have many. From what I can see the kids who do keep a relationship with him are kids who dont mind being bossed/bullied.

    You are right about the way I react (sometimes). I was venting when I wrote the post. I was not in any way defending or condoning my actions, just explaining to the forum how difficult it can be for me when I get frustrated or overwhelmed with his behavior. This is by no means my standard or typical reaction to him, just an extreme I reach the other day. I am sorry if I didnt explain that well enough.

    For the record, his father does hit him, and he does do it verging on abuse (leaving marks). He has never punched him or knocked him out, even though he has threatened to do so many times. I dont know what he would actually do if he had to deal with one of the raging fits of destruction that we see in our house so frequently, But he doesnt act like that there. I do not agree with the way he hits (out of anger), although with my own children I have used spankings (or a whack on the butt) to punish for behavior issues/acting out (I know all the controversy about spankings, this is perfectly legal and the way I was raised, no need to go into this). I do not think its appropriate for me to deal physical punishment like this to my "step" children and the only time I get involved physically is when difficult child is acting out violently to property or people, and I do it in a safe manner so he cannot cause harm to anyone, or anything. This is a method called a "crisis-intervention hold" is taught locally for dealing with children/teens with violent outbursts.
  12. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    His issues seem so complex and universal that it is really a shame he hasn't received fuller evaluation and more appropriate treatment. Advocating that is a place to start.

    How much does he spend time with his father and how much in your home? Severe discipline can suppress some behavioural issues for some time, or at least make a kid better to hide them. Fear works like that. But it doesn't teach skills or work long term. So I wouldn't put much weight for him behaving while on his father's house. It doesn't change the big picture much.

    You need to get him proper diagnosis, therapy/supports and also help in parenting him. I do recommend parenting classes, they give ideas and provide an arena to really talk about parenting topics and formulate a plan. I know many don't like them or feel they are considered guilty or in wrong on them, but to be honest I believe it has at times more to do with them having feelings of guiltiness themselves. I have been told that feeling guilty is a sign of a good parent, it helps us evaluate our actions and do corrections when needed.

    You and your SO need to make sense to the chaos you are facing. It is your responsibility as adults of a household.

    And yeah, I would still consider hard about moving out for sake of your own kids and in hopes of stabilizing the situation.
  13. roxy

    roxy New Member

    I don't often post here, though have been a member for awhile. I felt I needed to write after reading some of the responses to you. I know I would be very hurt if it were me, so wanted to give you a pat on the back. I think any man who takes on the job or raising the kids of another man who has shirked his responsibility is worthy of thanks from society. Add to that picture a difficult child kid, and I think you are a saint. Good for you, and good for you for reaching out for help when you are at the end of your tether. I wish I could flee from my own difficult child some time, and I am not sure I could stand and take it from someone else's if I was not obligated. But it seems you are obligated by love for the difficult child's mom, and I'm sure she is grateful. Keep your eye on the prize-- kids will be gone one day and the most important relationship is between two committed partners.
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sir, you are really not a very skillful parent and you do have a quick trigger. Not because of what you said to me. I don't care. But you really believe you can be a father figure in such a short period of time and that you have legal rights to the child's care. And you believe in spanking. You'll find most of us don't spank and don't find it a useful way to parent our kids. Certainly it is not mature.

    You can not make medical decisions for this child. The mother is the one who has to sign for him. Legally you are a stranger. Ask a lawyer (shrug). You'll find out.

    Are you even divorced yet? I have a feeling you're not so you can't marry Mom and you aren't anyone's stepparent until you have that honor. Why don't you marry her? Because you're still married maybe?

    I will ask once more why mother isn't trying to get custody of this child if he is beaten at father's house and you can prove it and then I will wait and see if you answer and will bow out of this discussion.

    I also think you should leave for everyone's sake. Very unstable for her kids AND your kids (if you care) and for her and you too. Agree with Suzir on everything she said.

    Ok, nice talking to you. But I'm leaving this thread.
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You don't understand. You have known this kid nine months tops. You are not a parent. Good day.
  16. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Hi there, you have been through a wringer. My son, difficult child 1, goes to visits with x where difficult child 1 behaves wonderfully (on pain of death). Then he comes home and falls apart. Depending on how abusive x is determines his behavior when he gets home. This doesn't mean he can control his behavior. He can control it long enough to get to a safe place to meltdown in. Around here if he is very motivated that can last a few days. Then we have really rotten days to make up for it.

    Maybe you and SO could sit down and write down what the rules are, what the consequences are, who is going to enforce them, and what the other person is going to do about it.

    I really don't see the situation getting any better without you and SO being on the same page.

    Also, my husband, has his own space with a lock on it that he keeps things he doesn't want the kids in.
  17. ducky8888

    ducky8888 New Member


    Thanks for the tips. I am going to be spending the weekend building some locking cupboards. I completely agree with the comment about being on the same page. I have been asking my girlfriend to make some time for us to sit down ant write down a list of house rules and expectations. Funny part is that yesterday difficult child came back from his IEP with a "contract" where he can earn an IPOD if he can behave for 32 days out of the next 2 months. My suggestion to my girlfriend is that we come up with a behavior chart for all of the kids, because she says she forgets about bad behavior, or we dont communicate so she doesnt know when difficult child says something rude to me, etc. The hard part with be deciding on what the proper punishment will be for each infraction. When he stole my games and went to a sleep over, I would have dragged his butt home and sent him to his room for the next day or 2. She went to get games, left him there, and said he would have consequences the next day, which included taking all the kids to the pool and him "finding" $1 on the street and getting to buy an ice cream. We also need to agree on what constitutes a "treat" or reward. To me, being able to wach a movie is a reward. Getting to go to mcdonalds is a reward. I believe if a child desires something, giving it to them is a treat. especially if it is sweets. Gettign to an agreement on these things is going to be tough
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You won't.

    She doesn't want your ideas and you'll end up leaving. She clearly loves her kids but needs professional help, not your harshness and she isn't going to capitulate to your ideas. You don't lock an autistic kid in his room for two days. He will go nuts. You can't parent him like a typical kid.

    You're not divorced, are you?

    She sounds like she has no respect for your ideas and I'm not sure I blame her. At the same time, I'm sure many of us are wondering why she isn't trying to get sole custody of this child who the father is beating up.
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2013
  19. roxy

    roxy New Member

    If mom has been having to do this on her own prior to your coming, her giving in might have been a survival mechanism. I would guess it is really hard to be "on" all the time in the face of caring for several kids, much less a difficult child (fortnately I have no experience doing it alone cuz I've had my one and only husband for 32 years. But I do know when he went out of town for work, it was so much tougher for me alone, and vice versa).

    I think it is definitely worth giving it a try to really communicate with her about the issues, and even both go for parenting instruction together. This kid will probably never be smooth sailing for you guys, but surely having two caregivers (pulling in the same direction) is far superior than trying to parent a difficult child alone. Add in the comfort of a stable adult relationship, and life can improve for both of you, and will be a good model for the kids.
  20. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    When you said she left him at the friends house while you would've dragged him home I thought I'd have been wanting to leave him there, too. I think roxy is right about girlfriend parenting being a survival strategy.