since I've been here. It has taken me a while to come back because my son was sent to jail for one year due to drug related charges. we talked alot over that year and we actually got along and began to start our relationship over. Things were very good. He was released on 7/8/2010. We were doing so good. Talking and laughing, his brothers and dad were all getting along too. Actually ate dinner as a family and watched movies, it was great!!! Then on 7/20/2010 I had the most horrible day of my life. My son died. So unexpected. My life is totally out of control. I can not function or feel that my life is worth anything anymore. I was told cardiac arrest, but drugs were involved. But the people he was with did nothing to save him. Just hours before he talked with an old girlfriend and was telling her he was done with drugs and he was trying to help his friend get clean as well. The freind he was trying to help knew something was wrong and called other friends but did not call 911 until 3 hours later cuz he didnt want to get in trouble. I have such hated for this person at this point for letting my son die. he could have called me we live only 3 minutes from where they were. I would not have cared what they were doing only to save my son would have been my only concern. i never got the chance. We had to go the hospital to see my son and looked like he was sleeping. The police are investigating but I do not think anything will happen. My son will be wrote off and life goes on for everyone else. Not me or my family, we can never be the same. My oldest is so angry, my youngest is having trouble in school and my husband just goes thru the days. We go to couseling but i cant see it making a difference at this point. i go see my son everyday and ask him to come to me in my dreams to talk to me but he has not. I miss him more than ever and I do not think it will ever get better. the hard thing was we were just starting over and doing good. I will never have a grand child from him or be able to hold him again. The person I believe is responsible for his death is in jail for a probation violation and should be out in a few months. I do not know how I will handle that. He has given 3 different stories as what happened that night and I do not know what to beleive. i am not looking for sympathy here just letting all of you know to cherish every moment you have. The devestation I feel in unreal and my life is in a whirl wind.