Been along time.....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by tracyf551, Sep 22, 2010.

  1. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    since I've been here. It has taken me a while to come back because my son was sent to jail for one year due to drug related charges. we talked alot over that year and we actually got along and began to start our relationship over. Things were very good. He was released on 7/8/2010. We were doing so good. Talking and laughing, his brothers and dad were all getting along too. Actually ate dinner as a family and watched movies, it was great!!! Then on 7/20/2010 I had the most horrible day of my life. My son died. So unexpected. My life is totally out of control. I can not function or feel that my life is worth anything anymore. I was told cardiac arrest, but drugs were involved. But the people he was with did nothing to save him. Just hours before he talked with an old girlfriend and was telling her he was done with drugs and he was trying to help his friend get clean as well. The freind he was trying to help knew something was wrong and called other friends but did not call 911 until 3 hours later cuz he didnt want to get in trouble. I have such hated for this person at this point for letting my son die. he could have called me we live only 3 minutes from where they were. I would not have cared what they were doing only to save my son would have been my only concern. i never got the chance. We had to go the hospital to see my son and looked like he was sleeping. The police are investigating but I do not think anything will happen. My son will be wrote off and life goes on for everyone else. Not me or my family, we can never be the same. My oldest is so angry, my youngest is having trouble in school and my husband just goes thru the days. We go to couseling but i cant see it making a difference at this point. i go see my son everyday and ask him to come to me in my dreams to talk to me but he has not. I miss him more than ever and I do not think it will ever get better. the hard thing was we were just starting over and doing good. I will never have a grand child from him or be able to hold him again. The person I believe is responsible for his death is in jail for a probation violation and should be out in a few months. I do not know how I will handle that. He has given 3 different stories as what happened that night and I do not know what to beleive.
    i am not looking for sympathy here just letting all of you know to cherish every moment you have. The devestation I feel in unreal and my life is in a whirl wind.
  2. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    Thank you for sharing that Tracy. I think your message is one we all ought to keep forefront in our minds. Your son knows how much you love him. I am so sorry for your loss, I wish you much peace.
  3. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I am so, so sorry for your loss. This is my fear every time difficult child walks out the door. I think I will print this and show it to her. Maybe it won't get through to her, but maybe, just maybe it will. I am heartbroken for you. He knows you love him. He will always know.
  4. Bean

    Bean Member

    Tracy. (((hugs)))
    There aren't any real words. Thank you for sharing. My heart goes out to you and your family. Your pain and sadness, disbelief, is felt.
  5. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Tracy, I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sitting here at work with tears in my eyes. I cannot imagine the pain of losing your precious son; I know it's a fear many of us here have lived with, however. Thank you for coming back and letting us know what happened; it's a reminder that life can change in an instant.
  6. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Tracy, I am so very deeply sorry for your loss. There just are no words. You and your family are in my thoughts.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I don't know you but am so sorry to read this story. My heart goes out to you in a big way and I can't imagine how painful this must be for you and the rest of the family. I hope someday those last weeks of being on good terms and having fun together will serve more as a comfort than a reminder of lost dreams.

    As far as the anger and responsibility of those around your son when this happened- I would be boiling over that, too. Obviously 911 should have been called at the first sign of physical difficulty. I think if it was me, I'd be on the phone with the prosecuting attorney in that jurisdiction to push for manslaughter charges against the person/people. I think it is possible to get charges against someone for that if they either provided a person a lethal dose of illegal drugs or if they intentionally avoid calling 911 for a certain period of time when a person is OD'ing- but it might depend on the state you are in.
  8. I can't even begin to understand the heartache you must be experiencing. I'm praying for you and for all who love your son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  9. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I am so very sorry, Tracy. There aren't adequate words, but you and your family have my deepest sympathy. I pray that you, your husband, and your other children will
    manage day by day to get through this time. Eventually the good times you had in July will be something to cherish; for now, many prayers, hugs, and wishes for
    peace for all of you.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so very sorry for your loss. Your pain is unimaginable now, and probably will always be there to some extent. Sending lots of prayers for the entire family. It is good that you are in counseling. Grief counseling can be incredibly helpful WHEN you are ready.

    It is unbelievable that nothing seems to be happening to hold the person who waited so long to call 911 responsible. EVERYONE in the home at the time should be prosecuted, in my opinion. "I didn't want to get into trouble." simply is not an excuse. I know you want to rip the police officers and prosecutors apart, but making friends of them (and letting them continue to see the agony that your entire family is enduring) may help keep the circumstances of your son's death, and the criminal actions of those around him, on their minds.

    It is amazing that this didn't hit national news, A teen who let someone die with-o any efforts to save his life, all because he didn't want to get into trouble, would be a big story if it got the attention of even a small tv station or news station. If an animal was left in that state, for that long, many people would be furious - and it would make the national media.

    I am so terribly sorry. If there is ANYTHING we can do, please let us know. You ARE remembered and loved here. Please come and vent all you need to and/or want to. {hugs}
  11. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    My heart goes out to you. It actually skipped a beat or two, I couldn't even finish your post.
    I am dreadfully sorry for the loss of Aaron. I know the pain you feel and yet I know there is not a thing I can do to ease your broken heart.
    It has been 4 1/2 years since we lost Alex.
    I miss him everyday of my life.

    Please, Please don't hesitate to contact me if you need me. Alex died three weeks after he got clean. I went to bed that night thinking
    we had been through the worst and that things would get better. My husband found him at 3:14 am. I don't mind sharing my story especially if
    you think it can bring you just a bit of comfort.

    I wish for you some peace and a bit of comfort. Please be gentle on yourself, the next couple of years will be very difficult, eventually you will get some easier days.
    It's a very long process.
    The pain and missing doesn't stop.

    My heart just breaks for you.

    Last edited: Sep 24, 2010
  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Tracy, I am so very sorry for your loss. I know there is nothing I can say to ease your pain. But, I will tell you that in time you will be able to smile through your tears. You will be able to remember good times with Aaron and one day laugh during a story. I KNOW it seems like this will never happen. But, I know it will. I am glad you were able to get some good days with him before he passed away.

    Please, please seek help for your grief. There is no event in life like losing a child. It is not natural and all need help processing such a loss. Your heart literally hurts. Literally. I know.

  13. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm terribly sorry for your loss and I will pray for your family and for justice for your dear son.
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I will keep your family in my prayers. I wish there was something more I could say or do.
  15. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member


    I am so very sorry for your loss. As others have said, there really are no words to comfort you at this time, I know, but please know that you have a circle of support here, and we're wrapping our collective arms around you.

    Lia, you always amaze me with what a loving, supportive inspiration you are to our members.

    Hugs to you both.
  16. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Tracy I am so very sorry for your unimagineable loss. Those short few days you had together are wonderful memories you will always have and someday they will bring you comfort. I pray in time you and your family will find some peace. The anger is part of the grieving process. My heart breaks for you.

    Lia I am so sorry for your loss also.

  17. tawnya

    tawnya New Member

    So, so, so sorry.

    Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.
  18. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    What a heartbreak! to lose when it seemed your son was so close to starting on the right road.
    Many gentle hugs. I have no words and I can't imagine how you are getting through the days.
  19. missy44

    missy44 New Member

    I'm so sorry. All of our children are so precious. Nobody can understand the unconditional love that comes when you have children, this especially rings true with difficult children. They need so much and as parents we love them that much more...I don't know your pain and pray that I never do. Bless you and your family and your beautiful son...
  20. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    I am so sorry ... I know you will cherish those wonderful times you were able to spend together prior to his passing....