Been awhile...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by vligrl, May 1, 2012.

  1. vligrl

    vligrl New Member

    Things with my son had been relatively calm. No drama with him at all and none now except I found out that he went back to selling pot about a month ago. I think he was buying it for a friend or friends. One of the sellers was arrested in April. I wish I had never found out and lived in my safe world. He doesn't know I know. I am trying to decide how to proceed. He has one week left of school and just started a job that will turn to full time in two weeks. He doesn't bring it here...I am a bloodhood when it comes to this stuff. What should I do, I please try and go easy...very fragile right now.
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm going to go against everything I believe in but I say do nothing. He doesn't know you know and if you tell him your cover will be blown. Also he is graduating and starting a new job that may keep him on the right path. If he doesn't, then everything twill fall apart soon enough and it will be of his doing, not yours. Now I would have a different opinion if you found drugs in your home, but I assume you haven't.

    Over the years I learned far too much that I wish I hadn't learned, but in the end it all comes crashing down anyway.

  3. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    I agree with Nancy. I think I would do the same.
  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I am glad you posted an update to the group!!! I think keeping mum for right now and seeing what happens makes sense....

  5. vligrl

    vligrl New Member

    I must admit I was expecting some harsh truths with words like "kick" and "out" and am relieved I didn't. Thank you ladies for helping keep my cool under pressure. I am finding it difficult not letting this info effect my mood and my son as already asked what is wrong. Maybe staying to myself for a day or too will help and not looking for trouble.
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Another vote for letting him finish school and start the new job. At least if you have to kick him out after he is working, he will have a means to support himself.

  7. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Add me to the list of keeping it quiet. If it is not in your home and not affecting you in any way, I would let him finish school and start the job....heck, I would be thrilled if my difficult child finished school and/or got a job!
  8. vligrl

    vligrl New Member

    Just wanted to give a hug to everyone having a tough time right now with their kids. Hope it gets easier soon and everyone can get a good night's sleep.
    My son received a letter from his lawyer informing him of his next court date and the changes in the charges. All he said was that it is the day before the music festival! Nothing about the downgraded charges, possible other actions....nothing...just his precious drug fest concert coming up. Told him he better keep his nose clean before the court date and suggested not hanging out with questionable people. He told me he will f'ing hang out with whomever he wants to. At that moment, I decided it doesn't matter to me anymore. He is oblivious to his legal issue (not drug related) and thinks he is Teflon! I was trying to remember if I dropped him on his head when he was a baby or did I eat some bad fish??????
  9. vligrl

    vligrl New Member

    Hi All. Just an update. I am having serious anxiety issues keeping this information inside especially today when the kid he gave the pot to sell came to town from out of state and is hanging with my son and his girlfriend. As soon as I saw him pick him up, my anxiety went through the roof knowing they have unfinished money business and that I was on my way to buying a car that I know will cause me grief with him. One more week of school although he is barely putting in any effort to complete his assignments. He still has his job but there is no work if it has been raining or is wet as it is a landscape job. I have no idea what he plans on doing after this semester of Jr. College is over except he doesn't want to return there. Too much "white trash" as he puts it and posers.
    There is no point in talking about drug testing because he will not give up pot. How do I enforce my rules of no smoking when driving the car? I won't know if he is or isn't driving high. I don't know what to do about the drug dealing as I don't know if it a done deal or not. Since he got his cell back in April, he is keeping "those" conversations off FB. I know things could be worse and I tend to get panicky very easily which drives me and everyone crazy. He is not drinking, he doesn't do pills as I have read conversations reading the riot act to a friend about it.........Help.
  10. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    If your son is using pot - do not let him drive. Period. He wants the car keys, he needs to agree to drug testing.

    A student in our HS was driving and caused an accident that killed her best friend who was sitting in the back seat and NOT wearing a seat belt. The girl who died was thrown from the car when it rolled. None of the girls were under the influence at the time of the accident and it happened at 11:30am. She was given a blood test (mandatory in this type of accident) and tested positive for TRACE amounts of marijuana. (which stays in the system for 30 days) AGAIN, the court DID NOT FIND that she was driving under the influence. She was convicted of homicide by negligent use of a vehicle because she was driving too fast for conditions and had marijuana in her system. She is now a convicted felon, spending a year in jail and will spend 5 years in prison if she violates the terms of her sentence. (absolute sobriety etc) She was just a regular teen, out shoppoing with her two best friends on a sunny October day and took a wrong turn down a curved, unfamiliar highway entrance ramp -panicked - over corrected and flipped the suv. Now she is a convicted felon in jail,one of her best friends is dead, and the other is forever traumatized.

    Assistant District Attorney XXXs stated that the case could have been charged as homicide by drug-impaired driving, a 25-year felony, but that his office negotiated the lesser charge, and plea, in the interest of justice and the facts

    Of course, the student did not own her car -- her parents did. Both of her parents (they are divorced) are being sued up the yin yang by the families of the 2 passengers. All because she had pot in her system.

    And if your son uses the vehicle in the course of a drug transaction, it will likely be seized.
  11. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I didn't realize you were talking about Jr. college. If he is college age and doesn't want to continue with school and he is cursing at you . . . the answer is pretty obvious. He needs to move out and pay for things himself with the money he makes at this job.

    Are you buying him this car? If he is smoking pot and there is a possibility that he is driving high . . . again the answer is obvious.

    The hardest part for most of us parents (including me) of adult aged children is realizing that we have to give up the idea that we can control their behavior. You can't stop him from using pot and driving. However, you also don't have to provide him with a car.

    Now having said this . . . I am the first person to say it is much harder to do than say.


  12. vligrl

    vligrl New Member

    Everything was correct except the cursing. That will begin if I restrict his use of the car. My husband was pretty good at not giving him his car everytime he asked. It's funny since I am that one that sold my son's car do to drug use and mainly smoking in the car leaving rolling papers and such in the car. It was such blatant disregard to my authority that I finally got rid of the car. Being a habitual liar doesn't make me feel any better when he says he promises he won't smoke. Sucks.
  13. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh, I read it wrong. When I went back and read it again I realized he was cursing at the lawyer.

    I am confused about the car. If you got rid of it because of the drug use and you know he is still using drugs, why are you buying him another car?

  14. vligrl

    vligrl New Member

    Kathy... The new car is mine as we were down to just one car. So now my son thinks the new car is "our car". Don't even have it home yet and he just called to ask Dad, not me, if he could use the new car to pick up a friend. He is not asking me because I was uptight this morning with him arriving at school 15 minutes late knowing they will probably count him absent. Called me a ahole for the way I was acting. Happy Birthday to me.
  15. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Is today really your birthday? If it is, I'm sending you lots and lots of birthday hugs and a giant piece of cyber birthday cake!

    You are most certainly NOT an a-hole. Don't let anybody talk trash to you - you're a marvelous, strong and brave woman.

    Peace and love to you...:hi5:
  16. vligrl

    vligrl New Member

    Thank you CJ. Our friend toughluv made my day by surprising me with a birthday lunch. My son, just said happy birthday and then later the name calling. I don't know about you're kids but mine acts as if Mother's Day doesn't exist either. It's a sad day because there is no recognition what so ever of what the day is about. Yet he tells us months in advance of what he wants for his birthday which is in two weeks and cost us over $150 for a three day festival. Is wanting a simple card selfish on my part?
  17. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Happy Birthday vligrl That was so nice of toughlovin to take you to lunch, she is a nice person. As far as difficult child goes do not let his words make you feel bad about yourself. Our difficult child's are self absorbed and hurtful. My difficult child will not even call on mothers day and she has not gotten me a birthday card for two years. I've given up hoping she had the same feelings for her family that we had for her.

    We love you.

  18. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Happy birthday!! We love you & we care. Put on your warrior mom armor & deflect those thoughtless comments from difficult child. You are a treasure and deserve to be treasured.
  19. vligrl

    vligrl New Member

    Just reading the supportive words, even though you don't know me, made me feel like I was worth something today. I am with all of you in your pain and joy and hope the joy soon outweighs the pain for all of us.