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Parent Emeritus
Been here before. Looking for some advice
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 741229" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Unfortunately, she reminds me of my son in this way. She is embarassed about her hair but won't take the very simple step of going to a hairdresser to fix it. I think she and my son too have reasons we cant understand to not do things that are easy to do that they refuse.</p><p></p><p>There is really no excuse.</p><p></p><p>I wish I had leverage over my son to encourage him firmly to seek both psychiatric and medical help but he lives in his own house and has a good paying job and takes care of his basic needs. So norhing I say will persuade him. I have no leverage.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is younger though and lives in your home by your grace. I have said this before but I think its important....if you buy her that laptop while she refuses to get help, she will be even further from getting help. And she needs help more than college, which she is afraid to do anyway. Her most pressing need is professional help to determine why she is this way and to help her move on.</p><p></p><p>Sir, you have leverage. I would use it while you still have it, while she is young. But I would focus on diagnosung her NOW and getting her help for adulting and the rest of her life. Or the rest of her life may be hiding in your house for as long as you live. And then what? Cut off all computers until she goes for help...this is an example of what may get her going.</p><p></p><p>People who are professionals need to nudge her along, getting her help and supports if necessary. It is a bitter pill for many to swallow if we dreamed our kids would go to college and they wont or cant, but it is not about us. We need to help them reach their full potential, whatever that turns out to be. And that can mean getting tough on them getting help before it is too late for us to do so.</p><p></p><p>I wish you luck. Progress will be hard. You would need to change or she wont</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 741229, member: 1550"] Unfortunately, she reminds me of my son in this way. She is embarassed about her hair but won't take the very simple step of going to a hairdresser to fix it. I think she and my son too have reasons we cant understand to not do things that are easy to do that they refuse. There is really no excuse. I wish I had leverage over my son to encourage him firmly to seek both psychiatric and medical help but he lives in his own house and has a good paying job and takes care of his basic needs. So norhing I say will persuade him. I have no leverage. Your daughter is younger though and lives in your home by your grace. I have said this before but I think its important....if you buy her that laptop while she refuses to get help, she will be even further from getting help. And she needs help more than college, which she is afraid to do anyway. Her most pressing need is professional help to determine why she is this way and to help her move on. Sir, you have leverage. I would use it while you still have it, while she is young. But I would focus on diagnosung her NOW and getting her help for adulting and the rest of her life. Or the rest of her life may be hiding in your house for as long as you live. And then what? Cut off all computers until she goes for help...this is an example of what may get her going. People who are professionals need to nudge her along, getting her help and supports if necessary. It is a bitter pill for many to swallow if we dreamed our kids would go to college and they wont or cant, but it is not about us. We need to help them reach their full potential, whatever that turns out to be. And that can mean getting tough on them getting help before it is too late for us to do so. I wish you luck. Progress will be hard. You would need to change or she wont [/QUOTE]
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