Been thinking about this house arrest....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by PatriotsGirl, Jun 23, 2010.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    First of all, it was my suggestion to the PO about an ankle monitor. But, now, the more I think about it (now that I am not in the heat of the moment), I do not think this is the way to go. I work full time. My husband works full time and is starting his new position of outside sales in a week - this means he has to travel. If she is stuck in the house she will just have riff raff come to my home when I am at work. I have a really good son that I need to think about and I am refusing to put him in this situation. It would not be fair to him at all and heaven knows what trash she would bring in there.
    So, I have put a call in to her PO. I would rather let her fall. She spent the weekend in juvie, she HATED it and she now knows exactly what it is like. She gets one more strike and she is going right back there and if she is that dumb, then that is on her and she can deal with her own consequences. It would be different if I was a stay at home mom and could keep an eye on her, but I'm not and I need my job.
    I called a bunch of RTCs yesterday and they told me that 1. she has to want the treatment and want to be there and 2. they only lock the door to outsiders - they are allowed to leave if they wish. That is NOT going to work for my difficult child. She does not think she has a problem and she will not stay if she is not locked in.
    So, now what? I am thinking lock up may just be my only choice?
  2. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Okay, to be blunt, her PO is a dumb ass. I just got off the phone with her. Told her that I do NOT want my son being put into this position. Who is to say who she would have come to the house when we aren't there? Who is to say they won't threaten or intimidate my son into not telling me they were there?? He should NOT be put into that position. Do you know what she said???? Well, you will just need to put your foot down and tell her no one is allowed at the house. Oh, yeah, why didn't I think of that??? Put my foot down - of course!! Lady if that worked she wouldn't be on probation in the first place!!!!!!!!!!!! What can I do??? I seriously do not want my son having to deal with this bullcrap.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Onyxx being on house arrest means she always has to have an adult there. She's gotten into more trouble AT HOME than anywhere else.

    Yes, "put your foot down". Do they just NOT get it?

    Most RTCs are pretty much lockdown... And the ones we have contacted don't say anything about the kid WANTING the treatment. If the child wanted the treatment, they would do everything they could to change, and RESIDENTIAL would not be necessary. in my opinion.

    Is there anywhere your son can go? Can you get a cheap webcam and video like the doorway/main room/whatever? Then when she violates house arrest, you have proof.

    I know what it is like to need my job...
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    A video camera is going to be a necessity if she has to be there. An adult just can't be there every day. I am VERY fortunate that I do get to work from home twice a week but that means three that I am an hour and a half away...
    My son can go to a friend's house down the street if need be and I plan on telling him that if she has anyone show up at that house when we are not there that he is to leave immediately, go to his friend's house and call me. It is just SO unfair that he has to be involved like this, you know? Downright pisses me off!!!!!! He is SUCH a good child.
    473 more days until she gets her walking papers. No way are we dealing with any of this after she turns 18 and we have made that very, very clear.
    Put my foot down - sheesh didn't know it was that easy!
  5. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    The age of consent for mental health treatment varies by state. In some states (like Virginia) a 14-year-old has to sign himself into a mental health facility for treatment. In Utah it's 18. I don't know what the age is in Georgia. You would need to check that out. That's what the RTCs you've called may be referring to.
  6. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I did tell them that her probation officer gave me their number because she had flunked two drug tests and now needed Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Still, they said she has to want the treatment and be willing to do the program, even if she doesn't think she has a problem. My brother, a recovered alcoholic, told me she HAS to hit rock bottom before treatment will do anything. I found some places that look wonderful and of course, they do not accept insurance. I cannot pay for this - one place had a rate of $425.00 PER DAY!! I am truly at a loss here. Obviously she is going to be on house arrest, which I am truly ****** about. That is only setting her up to fail while making every one else in the house completely miserable. I have had enough. Really. At this point I would rather her go back to juvie...she is not going to change her ways. She just isn't. :(
  7. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! In NYC we have CSPOA (Childrens Single Point of Access). Can you google around and see if there's anything in Georgia that is similar. Basically, it's an agency that is contacted by the therapist that she's seeing. They (CSPOA) contact you and get as much info as they can and then they contract your case out to a supporting agency (for us it was the Jewish Board of Families and Children's Services). Depending on the severity of the problems, they have varying degrees of intervention.

    We started out with "Intensive Case Management" and once difficult child 1 landed in the hospital, we were upgraded to the "Waiver" program. They arrange for respite, behavior plans, school interventions and basically see what they can do to help. The waiver program works with you for skill builder (school tutors, behaviorists, social skills, etc.), respite, parent advocacy, child advocacy, etc. They can also help you find appropriate residential programs if all else fails.

    I would suggest looking into that sort of help.

    I'll try digging around, but the baby keeps turning off my printer which means she moving toward the plug on the easy child.

    I'll see what I can find!

  8. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I'll keep looking!

  9. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Beth, that would be awesome - I will have to do some digging later. But, she is not seeing a therapist, yet. Her first appointment is tomorrow. She refuses to talk to therapists. When she was younger and I brought her to see some one, she told them she saw bunny rabbits. Yeah, she thought it was hilarious - they wanted to lock her up in a psychiatric facility....
  10. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    Why do people always say that as if such a simple solution never occurred to us? I have heard that line or something like it from a number of well-meaning friends who just don't get what it's like to live with a child like this. It makes me want to scream.

    So sorry you're having to deal with this. Hugs.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Well, the "good" side is that if they do not use an ankle monitor then she will just ignore the house arrest and go do what she wants. It would save your son a TON of exposure to both your difficult child and the people who hang out with her. I say hang out because they are NOT true friends. True friends tell you when you are being stupid and difficult children don't tolerate friends who say things like that.

    I am sorry the PO is such an idiot. What are you supposed to do? Lock the door when she leaves and not let her back in? Most states will tell you that is illegal.

    Whatever she does, call the PO and report it.

    If she is this defiant what privileges can you remove? Her door can come off if she cannot be trusted to behave out of your sight. Her room can be STRIPPED of all but the mattress (put it on the floor), sheets, blanket and one pillow. The room will need a lamp unless there is a ceiling light, and maybe a desk to study at. Remove her music, makeup, EVERYTHING. Doesn't matter if she paid for it. Until she is 18 she does not own anything. So take it ALL away. Heck, her clothes can be kept in a couple of milk crates stacked like shelves. She only needs 7-10 outfits and 1 pair of shoes (maybe a second pair like flipflops if you feel super extra nice). Make SURE the clothes are NOT ones she really likes. You could even go to a thrift store and buy her some cheap clothes and take everything out of her closet, drawers, etc... If you make sure they are all in the same range of colors (beige, cream, medium blue, faded denim, etc... then they do not need to be sorted by color to wash. Her stuff just goes in the washer all at once (esp if her summer wardrobe is all shorts).

    She will probably flip out when she sees it. If she destroys things or hits anyone call the police. heck, if she hits or hurts someone or is in a rage call 911. (keep doing this each and every time she does any of that.)

    I am sorry that the family has to cope with this stuff.
  12. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I agree with Susie. She deserve nothing in her room. Be sure to just box away her stuff rather than throw it out. There was a recent court case (I'll try and find a link.) where the parents got dinged for tossing the kids stuff and the judge said it would have been fine to prohibit access to it until they were 18 but that it did belong to the child and the parent could not destroy it or give it away.
  13. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Gee, here Onyxx thinks we're being horrible because we removed her energy drink can collection and half her clothes.

    I fail to see how ANYTHING can belong to the child when 1) the parents paid for it or 2) the child stole it or 3) the child stole money to pay for it.

    Even gifts received cannot belong to someone who has no other legal rights.

    Though I'm pretty sure the 15-y/o violent offender in my house has more rights than I do.
  14. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Oh, Susie, we have been down that road. When she ran away in December, I moved all of her stuff out of her bedroom, painted it and gave the room to my son (she had a huge bedroom and her brother had a normal sized one). We have tried everything and I do mean everything. We are talking years of problems with this child - she even set a fire in the classroom bathroom when she was really little! I have bought parenting books, tried therapy, psychiatric hospital, medications. Nothing has worked. She is the type of child that will never do what you want her to do. The only way this child is ever going to change is if she wants to. I keep praying she will want to. :(
    Her door is always open when she is here. She knows I will perform random checks of her room - especially when she is not here. The thing is, she doesn't want to be here so she does all her **** away from the home. When she is actually here she just walks around like a miserable b*tch to be frank, but doesn't have rages or violence against anyone. The most she will do is stomp up the stairs, slam the door and cry. But my concern is when she has no choice but to be here - now that scares the jeepers out of me. I think I am going to put a camera towards both doors so I can see what goes on when I am at work :)
  15. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Well, it could have been worse! My charge was reduced to disorderly conduct - phew! They said I was basically being charged with "losing my sh*t in public". I laughed and said I could certainly admit to that! I pay a fine and all done....
    Well little miss difficult child was all excited after group yesterday because she passed her drug test (I found out later that she drank something to pass it). That happy mood was cut quick when she saw her PO and found out she was on house arrest for 30 days. She did lose it and cussed, cried, threatened suicide, etc. During her tirade, I learned she tested positive for amphetamines because she had done meth again, not Adderall. :( She will be in residential soon - one more dirty test and they said they will draw up the referral, and decide where she is going to go. They said I don't have to do a thing. They will handle it all and there is scholarship money to help pay for it. Yay!
    She did calm down after we left and we ended up kind of joking about it. She was ribbing a couple other kids for being put on house arrest - she said go figure that she was being put on, too. I told her just think of all the qualilty time we will get to spend together! LOL. She actually asked if I would bring her to do some community service tomorrow so that is a baby step in the right direction.
    I am going to tell them she took something to pass the test. She needs to get into a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and I am not allowing her to fake out.
    Has any one had their child wear one of those ankle bracelets? I know she cannot immerse it in water, but I am wondering if we got one of those waterproof sleeves you can put on casts if she could get in water? We had fourth of July plans and I would hate to stay home now....her PO did say she could leave the house as long as it was with us...