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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 674889" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cedar, when I was younger, and very good friends (sister like friends) with another young woman who lived across the street and then moved somewhere else close by, we both used to talk about this feeling of isolation ALL T HE TIME. We both felt it, like an empty pit in the middle of our stomachs. We actually described it to one another.</p><p></p><p>We called it "the void."</p><p>I</p><p>It w as there even when around tons of people that cared for us. I was unhappily married at the time and she wasn't too happy in her marriage and both of us had had terrible parenting.</p><p></p><p>We still talk although we are in different states. Everyone loves her. She has so many peeps. I love her too. I am not as much a magnet for people (except those who seem to need help...I must look like I have a strong shoulder to cry on, and in a way I do), but sometime during my second marriage the void left me. I don't know exactly when it did or why it did. My friend reports the same thing. Both of us had tough childhoods and distant families. My friend was adopted and not to very good parents. She found her birth family and is still very involved with some of them and I know that helped, although there were problems there too. But her void, she says, is gone.</p><p></p><p>Even though I know how it feels to be lonely in a crowd, and will never forget, these days, since I am not a people person, I feel more a sense of "I want to go home" than lonely in a crowd. It's much better. With my family of choice, I feel warm and fuzzy.</p><p></p><p>I think it helped me that i always questioned that ones identity is tied to ones DNA peeps. I wanted to adopt. I could have had other bio. children, but chose adoption and have no regrets and they are my real heart people (plus Bart and Junior). But I never felt I needed people around me who looked like me. Cedar, we are individuals...not clones of our DNA members. At least, this is how I see it.</p><p></p><p>To Suzir and everyone: On another topic covered here, we had NO family traditions. NONE. So with family of choice we made our own and even the grown kids love them.</p><p></p><p>Also, my father's name will die with my brother and he cares about that. Neither his only brother or my brother married and had children thus t he end of t he name. </p><p></p><p>On my mother's side, we were told almost nothing about my grandmother's family or my grandfather's family. All I know is that Grandfather grew up in foster care and his mother "always thought she was sick." That's it. If he has no siblings, his name already died since his only son married very late and had no children.</p><p></p><p>But I wanted you to know both that I understand this and that it can change and I hope it does for you because it's a rotten feelings.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and love.</p><p></p><p>Serenity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 674889, member: 1550"] Cedar, when I was younger, and very good friends (sister like friends) with another young woman who lived across the street and then moved somewhere else close by, we both used to talk about this feeling of isolation ALL T HE TIME. We both felt it, like an empty pit in the middle of our stomachs. We actually described it to one another. We called it "the void." I It w as there even when around tons of people that cared for us. I was unhappily married at the time and she wasn't too happy in her marriage and both of us had had terrible parenting. We still talk although we are in different states. Everyone loves her. She has so many peeps. I love her too. I am not as much a magnet for people (except those who seem to need help...I must look like I have a strong shoulder to cry on, and in a way I do), but sometime during my second marriage the void left me. I don't know exactly when it did or why it did. My friend reports the same thing. Both of us had tough childhoods and distant families. My friend was adopted and not to very good parents. She found her birth family and is still very involved with some of them and I know that helped, although there were problems there too. But her void, she says, is gone. Even though I know how it feels to be lonely in a crowd, and will never forget, these days, since I am not a people person, I feel more a sense of "I want to go home" than lonely in a crowd. It's much better. With my family of choice, I feel warm and fuzzy. I think it helped me that i always questioned that ones identity is tied to ones DNA peeps. I wanted to adopt. I could have had other bio. children, but chose adoption and have no regrets and they are my real heart people (plus Bart and Junior). But I never felt I needed people around me who looked like me. Cedar, we are individuals...not clones of our DNA members. At least, this is how I see it. To Suzir and everyone: On another topic covered here, we had NO family traditions. NONE. So with family of choice we made our own and even the grown kids love them. Also, my father's name will die with my brother and he cares about that. Neither his only brother or my brother married and had children thus t he end of t he name. On my mother's side, we were told almost nothing about my grandmother's family or my grandfather's family. All I know is that Grandfather grew up in foster care and his mother "always thought she was sick." That's it. If he has no siblings, his name already died since his only son married very late and had no children. But I wanted you to know both that I understand this and that it can change and I hope it does for you because it's a rotten feelings. Hugs and love. Serenity [/QUOTE]
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