Beneath Rock Bottom.........

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by New Leaf, Mar 14, 2016.

  1. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Rain continues on her path on the streets. Ended up in the hospital while I was in class, Hoku texted to say she was there with her. I sat frozen at home, knowing if I went, the reception would not go well. I am the target for anger and resentment from my eldest. It is all my fault in her mind. After reading a few testimonials on another site, it seems to be the standard of meth users to target loved ones and blame them for everything under the sun. I am tired of the attacks, and quite frankly a bit scared of my own child after the last incident. The few times I have had encounters with her in the recent past have been ugly and venomous. I don't even need to speak, the animosity just seethes out of her.
    Needless to say, after freezing and going through the racing thought process, I decided to go to the hospital, but Rain was released. Hoku said she was badly bruised and had other health issues, no insurance, so couldn't get medication, then promptly asked to be driven to the same street corner she is staying at, with the low life man who beat her and put her in the hospital in the first place. SIGH.

    Hoku, at 21, was besides herself. "What is rock bottom Mom?" She said...... I have no answer...... I ask that same question.
    How degraded does my daughters life have to be, before she sees the need to rise above this?

    This all happened Wednesday evening. Roll forward to Saturday, Rains sister Tornado (who has her own battles) went to find her and try to get her off the street. She refused. Said she loves this guy. Wanted to stay put. SIGH.

    I keep praying for her to see the light. I am caught between wanting to go to this area and talk with her, give her something to eat, and wondering if it is even safe to do that, considering the last encounter at home was really scary. I thought she was going to physically attack me.

    I do want her to know I love her and I care, but not at the risk of being hurt physically.
    I have enough emotional scars to last the rest of my life.


    Hoku is right, what is rock bottom, if this is the life she is choosing?

    This is beneath rock bottom if you ask me.


  2. okie girl

    okie girl Active Member

    Hugs have done everything humanly possible and nothing has helped. I believe God knows what we are going through and God's got this. I know I have given my son over to God then I end up trying to enable. It's so hard but their is nothing we can do. It's all in Gods hands. Take solace in this. So sorry for your hurting heart.
  3. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Oh Leafy I am so sorry. Sounds like two major issues... The meth and the abusive guy. There is help out there for both issues but she does need to want the help and it doesn't sound like she is there yet. Do you have any way of contacting her without actually seeing her? I agree you cannot put yourself in harms way that doesn't help anyone.... But letting her know you still love her is a good thing if you can do that safely. But your safety has to be your first priority.....


  4. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    I'm so sorry.

    I can't imagine your heartbreak. I too often wonder what we mean by rock bottom. And does someone have to reach it?

    I am thinking of your bruised and battered heart. Wish you some peace.....
  5. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Thank you Colleen, I am slowly coming up for air. It is a tough journey, but, if I go down to the pit with this, I am helping no one. My heart is bruised but posting here and getting it out truly is a relief.
    I wish you peace as well dear and hope that things are going a bit easier for you and your family.
    Thank you so much for your kindness.
    new leaf
  6. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    Gosh this is a hard one. My son tells me that the first high with meth is the absolute best high you can ever imagine. Every high after that doesn't even come close, but he was obsessed to chase it. He was willing to chase it even knowing it was killing him.

    I am sorry for you and your family, Leafy. Meth is so hard on the entire family. I hold my breath every day for J, hoping he will be strong and not get messed up in it again. I hope Rain will find her way out of this horrible maze and soon. (((HUGS)))
  7. Nature

    Nature Active Member

    I'm sorry you are going through this. I haven't been able to log on for a while after having joined several months ago. I share your pain as I am going through the same sorrows with my son. No matter how difficult it was not to go to the hospital or where she is currently, I think you did the right thing. Being the target of their rage you would be unable to reason with her and would only suffer more abuse which wounds the soul. It hurts so much I know, but only they can make the choice to get help. Hugs from me.
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  8. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hugs back to you Okie, yes you are right. God has got this. I keep praying for Rain to remember who she is. One day....
    TL there is no other way to contact her, no phone. She does have to want help. Right now all I can do is pray that she figures this out sooner than later. Thank you TL.
    Meth is terrible. I hope J stays the course and keeps away from it. I don't know what it will take for Rain to find her way, but I know I have got to pick myself up and carry on. Thank you Roxona.
  9. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Nature, thank you very much for your kind words. I read your last thread, I am glad you posted, but I am sorry you are still going through this with your son. You had a very rough experience with him last May. It does hurt to be fearful of my own child. I put it in Gods hands again and hope that she will get help. I pray the same for your son.