Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wonderful Family, Feb 25, 2009.
I liked the thread about the worst advice ever given.
What was the best advice you ever received?
From the school's Vice Principal:
Give yourself permission
to make mistakes,
to stop rushing in to fix everything, and
to do something nice for yourself.
From my counselor: "How are you taking of you?"
Then, to both me and husband when he accompanied me: "You need some time for just the two of you. Find someone to watch the kids and go see a movie. Do not call to check on the kids. Forget they exist for a few hours."
I can't wait till this Saturday! My parents are keeping difficult child and easy child overnight - and they're both angels for my parents! (But not for their bio grandparents. HMM.)
The best advise that difficult child receives from therapist: "Listen to your parents. They get to set the rules. It is like you are in the army and your parents are the generals. You do whatever they tell you to do." I just love the fact that he upholds husband's and my authority at home.
Best advice I ever received was from this board. Seriously. Pick battles, logical consequences, consistency. Hammered into my head by so many members past and present. And now the detach concept is really coming in handy.
Most realistic advice we got was from a therapist when difficult child was 7. He will change his behaviors when it becomes too expensive to stay the way he is. What we didn't realize then was difficult child has a so far unlimited capacity for footing the bill for his behaviors.
Best advice I ever got was "See a neuropsychologist"
Other good advice:
"Trust your Mommy Gut. If the diagnosis seems wrong, trust yourself."
"Don't put blind faith in doctors. Educate yourself."
"You know your child best."
"You are not the cause of these problems."
I've gotten tons of good advice few the years. Maybe I'll remember more later.
I was going to say the same exact thing. To a T.
Say what you mean and mean what you say.
So much good input and advice. I was floundering around by myself trying to find "something" that would help me help my child. I hit gold when I stumbled in here.
But I guess one that stands out this red hot minute is when Fran told me, "You are Captain of the Ship." Scared the poo out of me but it made me realize that educating myself on ADHD was just one of many steps I had yet to accomplish."
Best advice so far was from this board "read the Explosive Child". just finished it and i'm amazed how much i've learned from it so thank-you!!
Sue, much of what you said is what I would have said. (Sheila, glad that Fran never told me that ~ though I'm sure I heard it in one form or another).
The other piece of advice was that my home mustn't be a child centered home. At the time, we were to center our life around our marriage (a happy marriage = a happy mom & dad = a happy family). While difficult children eat up our time I learned early that the tweedles, their antics & issues should never run our household or you lose sight of yourself, your spouse & your marriage.
I've gotten much of the same good pieces of advice (thank goodness!). Chose your battles, what have you or you and your spouse done for fun lately?, your child's choices are not your fault...
Here is another:
"If momma ain't happy...ain't noboday happy!"
From my Dad:
Always carry a little bag of carp with you--
That way you never have to take any carp from anybody else.
(said in all seriousness by our favorite therapist)
Gosh, its a tie between several things. Most of them came from this board (ditto Sue) but one other really good piece came from someone else, and I don't even know who anymore - when wee difficult child was little and I couldn't even take him to the grocery store, someone said they stopped dragging their child and just said "I'm going to the store" and took off walking (with a attentive eye behind them, of course). And their child always followed, even into that wretched world called the super market.
And when I tried it, SO DID MINE! That person gave me the ability to buy groceries, and it was SO COOL!
(and actually that little tidbit has come into play many, many times more. Just do it. Many times, difficult child will follow.)
Choose your battles is my favorite, I think.
Also, in relation to enabling, "any help you give her now will only hurt her later."
Everything that comes to mind right now is already up there.
What a super smart bunch we are!
From a family lawyer when we were asking about our responsibilities for our 18 yr old difficult child who had left the state with boyfriend: "Pray that she stays in New England til she's 21."
In the last round when my son was breaking the rules under the influence of his 'friends' and the conselor came to my home and say what my son was behaving like:
Don't work so hard. let him do it. Take his priviledges. you have to fed him, but he doesn't have to like it. You have to cloth him, but he doesn't have to like them, either. Call the police. Tell them he is out of parental control. Tell the parents (who let the kids hang out unsupervised) that he is to come directly home if he comes there. If he is there, call the police.
I grounded him, I let him write the rules and he did know them. I had him write down what he did that caused him to be grounded. I had him write why what he did hurt himself and others. I had him write what he would do differently now and in the future. What his chores are and when they were to be completed.
I linked all his priviledges to his grades, being home by curfew, and getting up in the morning for school.
It was the difference between night and day around here.
Separate names with a comma.