Best Menopause Question Ever

[KTMom91]

How many women with menopause does it take to change a lightbulb?

One! Only one! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house even knows HOW to change a lightbulb!

They don't even know that the bulb is burned out! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.

And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the friggin' lightbulbs despite the fact that they've been in the same cabinet for the past 17 YEARS!

But if they did, by some miracle, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID lightbulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!

AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHTBULBS CAME IN!!! AND DO YOU KNOW WHY???

BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!! IT'S A WONDER WE ALL HAVEN'T SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!!!

IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE!!!

AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL!!!

I'm sorry. What was the question again?

 

[Abbey]

 

[mstang67chic]

You know...some years back I had some shots that put me in a drug induced but (thank GOD) temporary menopause. I called them my Satan Shots. This....this sounds verrrrrry familiar.

 

[gcvmom]

Oh. So THAT'S my problem...

 

[Star*]

:queen:

 

[house of cards]

But everything she said is true!! (I'm also in menopause).

 

[susiestar]

I love this!!! Too funny, and sadly, too true!!

Buut do you know what the absolute WORST situation is, according to my sons? When Momma is dealing with menopause and Jessie is PMS'ing! If husband remembers he gets some of those $1 trays of small candy bars. he and thank you use them like tickets for admission, on these are what he calls "Safe Passage Bars".

Cause the chocolate will temporarily distract and calm us so they can walk through the room!!!

 

[trinityroyal]

Ooh! Ooh! Do nasty mean-girl pregnancy hormones count?

My darling husband, the ex-football player, motorcycle-riding, big scary dude that he is, is currently cowering in the kitchen, scared to death that I will calmly flay him with a dull spoon.

What did he do wrong? He asked me if I was upset because of hormones. Well, OF COURSE I am, but the fact that he dared to ask me was enough to earn him that look that will chase him out of the house, lest I open my mouth and let the vitriol spill forth.

He has already brought in offerings of root beer and potato salad (my cravings-of-the-day), and fled again.

Poor darling man...

Gosh, I hope that menopause doesn't make me even meaner than this...

 

[Abbey]

Aw, Trinity...at least he asked! Most men would just shrug and walk away.

by the way - a flying spork has a much better effect than a spoon.

Abbey

 

[witzend]

Who was at my house last week?

 

[mstang67chic]

My darling husband, the ex-football player, motorcycle-riding, big scary dude that he is, is currently cowering in the kitchen, scared to death that I will calmly flay him with a dull spoon.

What did he do wrong? He asked me if I was upset because of hormones. Well, OF COURSE I am, but the fact that he dared to ask me was enough to earn him that look that will chase him out of the house, lest I open my mouth and let the vitriol spill forth.

He has already brought in offerings of root beer and potato salad (my cravings-of-the-day), and fled again.

Poor darling man...

Gosh, I hope that menopause doesn't make me even meaner than this...

God love them but sometimes those men of ours just aren't the sharpest spork in the box are they? About midway through my Satan Shots, husband had an epiphany. And voiced it out loud. He had realized that at some point, WE would have to go through this again. Ok granted, at times I would turn into a pea soup spitting, head spinning, frothing at the mouth psyco but WE????? I'M the one with the raging hormones. I'M the one that hears myself, KNOWS I'm nuts and can't do anything about it. YOU'RE the one who can LEAVE. And WE have to do this AGAIN???

He got the look.

 

[trinityroyal]

at some point, WE would have to go through this again.

Still, it is kinda fun watching a giant bear of a man cower in front of the wrath of a half-pint-sized woman, isn't it?
(I know...back to my corner. I'll just finish the root beer and potato salad while I'm in there)

 

[mstang67chic]

Then? No. Now? Hell yes!!!

 

[Andy]

And I thought the answer was going to be, "One, because no one is brave enough to be near her long enough to help."

Susiestar, I love the "safe passage bars". Wonder if they would work with my family?

O.K. Trinity, enjoy the moment but don't let that power surge go too far. Poor guy, let him out sooner than later.

 

[Hound dog]

*cough* *cough*

I'm sorry to say it doesn't improve once your post menopausal.

 

[Marguerite]

I hit 50 and hit menopause. First/main symptom - periods suddenly VERY irregular and very heavy. It was so bad I began writing a series of jokes, "You know you have heavy periods when..."

I had responses like -

1) ... you understand why middle-aged Mediterranean women wear black.

2) ... you're up to three packs a day and you don't even smoke!

3) ... your bathroom looks like the shower scene from Psycho

4) ... you start quoting any speech by Lady Macbeth.


There were others. It was the only way I could keep my sense of humour intact through a difficult time. My haemoglobin levels were plummetting 10 points every few weeks. husband had to not only be sympathetic to the problem, but at various times he also had to run interference for me, such as when we were on a family outing and I was measuring our 'pit stops' according to the grade of the bathroom facilities.

I won't go into any further details, it gets unpleasant. But in such situations, you need to cultivate a sympathetic and supportive husband, as someone who knows where the plastic seat protectors are...

Marg