Bet she won't ask for a handout - again.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Star*, Nov 26, 2010.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911

    In response to a craigslist plea DF and I once again replied to a person asking for help. The ad said -

    I hate to ask, but my husbands hours at work have been cut and I lost my job. We have two kids and foodstamps didn't get us through the month. If anyone has any food they can spare, we'd certainly appreciate it. Thank you and God Bless.

    I mean HOW do you NOT respond to an ad like that? Okay - I was on FS, and Unemployment. I lost both of them for about 3 weeks, but I got mine back. FS came in, it wasn't much, but I was able to go to a couple churches food banks, and unemployment hasn't kicked in yet - but we're not starving. So I wrote her that I had a few things and hated to see the kids go hungry.

    Our van (DF's) van is a 1990 van, with a broken rear window, it smokes, he never washes it, the door handle is broken, the paint is faded - and you get the picture. DF is cripled, walks with a cane and is in pain all the time. Just watching him walk you know the man hurts. I bagged up a few things - and called this Mom asking her to meet somewhere.

    The last time we did this? The girl pulled up in a 2008 year car, with nicer clothes from the mall than I've had in years, a perm, nails just done, and asked us to get her a pack of cigarettes on the way in - she was running late. Her skirt was so short when she bent over to make change in her designer purse? You could see her underpants. DF and I both just stood there amazed. Not jaded - just amazed.

    So this time - we were thinking - with a plea like this? Sure the woman would be more destitute. Well, DF says "Is that her???" and across the parking lot we see the 'white suv' it's a WHAT? A 2005 or so Lincoln Navigator...and she gets out, dripping with jewelry, gold chains, rings, and 2 cell phones. TWO - cell phones. DF gets out and walks up and asks "Are you Lisa?" Lisa with the tan - from a tanning booth, Lisa? She says "Yeah, I got a little lost. DF looked at her and said. Are you getting this for yourself? Yeah - we just cant seem to make $450 in foodstamps stretch. "

    So DF walks her around to the side of our van, I get out and I said "Hi." and I said "Is that YOUR car?" she said "Yeah it's not new or anything." I said "Wow, wish I could drive a $40,ooo vechicle and get foodstamps. How do you do that? Boy your manicure is pretty do you do that yourself?" She said "No I get them done at XX salon, haven't had them done in a week." I said "Must be the same place you get your tan?" and she said "NO I get that at XX place."

    DF and I just stood there AMAZED. I said "WOW, 40k vehicle, jewelry, hair cuts, tanning booth, nails and you're begging on craigslist for food? What's up with that?"

    So just as serious as she could be she said "Well I just didn't want to go to any of the churches or anything - that would be stealing." About that time, I put the bag down and said "Well then we're gonna help you out with your conscience because all of this food we're sharing? Comes from a church food pantry - up until you said THAT - I was just gonna let all this slide but lady you should be ashamed of yourself. He's on disability, I'm unemployed, our food stamps got cut, my unemployment got cut and we certainly don't have any vehicle under 20 years old, but we were out here because you said you're kids were hungry. If they are hungry you need to take some of that jewelry and go to a pawn shop, stop with the fake nails, fake tan, hair cuts, and get a job. This is such BULL."

    Seriously - can you NOT see - that you aren't starving you are just not COMFORTABLE? This food isn't brand new - it's donated. What did you think you were going to get? A Gift card?"

    Well she started crying and then I felt like a heel. I said - "Look. I'm not trying to be mean, but you have really gotten your priorities out of order. You don't go asking people for food when you get dang near $500 a month (and how do you get THAT when your hubby is working? ) in food stamps and you don't get nails, hair and tans when you get foodstamps - you get a JOB.....or at least try to find one and you don't need any of those things to get one.

    Df just stood there flabbergasted - and said "Am I putting the groceries in her Lincoln or not?" I looked at this girl - around 25 and I said - "Take this stuff, but don't ask for help on CL again like this. I wrote down the United Way's number and told her to call them for financial counseling and gave her the number to a local minsitry that does the same and would help with food IF she met financial guidelines. She actually thanked us, and said she's just always had all these things - I told her she's lucky she didn't bump into someone that didn't turn her in for Foodstamp fraud. But if I saw her pulling this again - I would. Had her license plate # too...

    I can tell you one thing - I'm done doing the vigil ante food basket deals - 2x and you're out and this is our 2nd one.

    How could you NOT be conscious of this? Df said he thought I was going to rip her a new one - and was surprised when I offered her the stuff and help - I swear she wasnt a difficult child but then again what really defines one? UGH....

    Makes ya wonder.........
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Star you are a scrooge, where is your spirit of giving.

    I have no idea. I think it drove off in a Navigator.

    Hush your mouth. To give is to give without conditions.

    Well she had..........she had.............

    Ugh - you are right - I should have just handed her the stuff and kept my mouth shut.

  3. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Star! You're a good person. I know I wouldn't have been as diplomatic as you are. How do people get food stamps if they are clearly not in need?? We had a student in our class who had about 30 pairs of shoes, I mean UGGS, Timberland boots, Nike, Michael Jordan....every designer brand shoes.( Who puts $100 UGG boots on an autistic 5 year old?) He not only got the free lunch, but was put on a list of a child in need so we (our school) donated his entire Thanksgiving feast, bought Chrismas presents for everyone in his family as well. His mom came to pick up the stuff with these long, manicured dragon nails, braces on her teeth, she was wearing her UGGS too, and wearing designer jeans that cost a fortune. Also he lived next door to my friend and he lived in a 4 bedroom, 250,000 dollar home.
    I was annoyed, to put it midly, that I had donated food and gifts for this family when my own kids don't have that stuff. At least you's think they would have some shame and not dress like that to collect their scammed stash!
    (Even if you had lots and lots of money, nobody would buy ANY 5 year old that amount of shoes- they outgrow them so fast!) Where do people get the nerve?
    At least you said something to her! Maybe something will sink in.
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm proud of how you handled it. That is absolutely insane.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    You were a lot nicer than I would have been- I would have concluded that the handouts she's getting off CL is HOW she's affording nails, gas, salon, etc.
  6. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    I believe God wants us to be charitable. And that our charity is between us and God. And those that receive our charity, it's between them and God if they are scamming us. It's how I can give without feeling jaded by those out there that cheat others.

    I wouldn't be surprise if what you said to this girl was the first time that she has heard that. We have a whole generation of "I want, therefore I have a right to have" mentality out in the world. Entitlement seems to be everywhere.

    difficult child-Ant is learning that he's not entitled to anything out in the real world. It's a very hard lesson, one that he refused to learn at home. If fact, he came over today to get some of his old things out of the garage to sell at the pawn shop because he owes his roommate money. He didn't even bother asking us or my parents. He's burned those bridges.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Starbie girl, have a told ya lately that I love ya to pieces?:D

    Just an FYI, this happens on freecycle as well.

    And be danged if there wasn't a post similar to the one you had, only she'd be in hospital was discharged and had to buy medications with the cash for turkey dinner.

    Now husband had bought extra stuffing because he didn't know that easy child had already taken care of it. I'd bought a ham to go with the turkey as it looked awfully small. I'd bought extra sweet potatoes and rolls....and had a extra box of instant mashed potatoes that katie's husband had bought with their foof stamps before dayton. I got right to the point of responding.........and stopped dead in my tracks.

    I read the add again. And then a 3rd time. This person asked for cash for Tday dinner. Not food. Cash. Did say the donor could take them to kroger or whatever...........But to me that was more than a bit too brazen a request. And for the first time ever in my gut told me to leave it alone. So my extras either got cooked for our meal or are still sitting in my pantry. I didn't even bother to respond to the post.

    Oh, on the foodstamps question..........easy child and her husband got foodstamps while he worked too, based on income level which was very low as she was in school and he was still hunting for an airline mechanic position.

    Good for you Starbie. :D
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Honey you would be amazed at the things I have seen in my years as a welfare fraud investigator!!!

    I can honestly say that one of the top 10 has to the woman who drove down from the Research Triangle area of NC to Robeson Cnty to apply for our measly little Christmas Stocking fund. Research Triangle is the area up where Raleigh, Durham and Chapel Hill all come together and some of the best of the best research in pharmaceuticals comes out of that area. Im sure other research is done there too but the big names like J&J, Glaxo, Merk, etc are there.

    Well this woman was married to a man who worked as a researcher with a dozen letters after his name at one of these companies. I cant remember how many but he was so far past BS, I had no idea what to call the In other words, they made a killing each year.

    Our Christmas Stocking fund was for $25 per child. She came down, used a friends address and told us she had recently moved to the area with her two children. Said she was home schooling them and provided forged paperwork. She was rather good. She got those two vouchers for either Walmart of Kmart and a basket of food.

    Problem came when someone tipped off her friend. Friend was mortified because friend lived in one of our more affluent neighborhoods, not that we actually have any to compare to where her friend actually lived but she was still worried it could come back to bite her on the backside. She called in to report the claim. When we started the investigation, my partner and I were astounded. This womans husband was irate! It could have cost him his job. He immediately paid off anything she got. That really didnt satisfy me. I wanted her prosecuted. She plead to a misdemeanor and got probation and ordered to counseling.
  9. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    good for you star. I get a very very small amount of food stamps, and the only reason I bother with it is to get the kids free lunches and the other few things that you get when you qualify for food stamps. I shop the adds, go to food banks, and the grocery out let to feed us.

    You know how food banks always give out tons of beans and rice? I made my own refried beans by cooking a bag in the crock pot and then running it through the blender and froze it. Pre cooked a bunch of rice and did that too, plain and spanish rice. That way when I need it? All I have to do is thaw it and that takes a lot lest time than cooking it.

    Whole chickens? (or the tday turkey?) Don't throw the bones away, freeze em and when you get time boil the heck out of it with some vegies and make broth and freeze it.

    Sorry to go off on a tangent, but that woman needs to get a clue. I feel lucky when I can get my hair cut at great clips for pete's sake!
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    See this has bugged me all night.....and Mom2oddson - you are ABSOLUTELY 1000% correct - and I have always, ALWAYS given with a joyful heart - and left the rest between whomever and God. - no joke....and I'm not dissatisfied with my life either it's not well I have this and she has that - pretty sure that falls under that C word preceeded by thy shalt not. (trying not to get in trouble with mods here). But this? I dunno - Part of me just wanted to rip her a new one. DF kept saying he was amazed at the restraint, then said 'Maybe in your older years you are mellowing, and then said 'guess that counseling really did you some good." To which I take as a supreme compliment - I mean I worked at that very hard, and I think we all ALWAYS need to improve for the better. I've always been the one that handed whatever to the person that anyone else would have crossed the street to avoid and just last week - raced out of the food bank to help a guy turned away by the church. We all knew it was because he had tattoos from head to toe - I didn't care - I drove him around, helped him get what he needed. I mean - he could have been a rich man - and shining everyone - but I doubt it - no car, no home, back pack full of summer clothes - needed warm clothes - offered to give me a tattoo - (um....thanks no) :confused: - but why is he different than this girl? I swear I work so hard not to judge and there I am......or was. I haven't had a hair cut in 20 years (choice) I don't wear tons of jewelry (although I have some left - I have sold some to pay for bills in the past months and it killed me) I don't have my nails done - I don't have nails - I'm doing whatever I can to get a job...and I have a car that is 20 years old, and while not travel-worthy - it gets me around and is dependable.

    I dunno - DF said (jokingly) "well at least THIS one didn't ask for a pack of smokes and expose her derrier." - Oh well theres a bonus. :tongue:

  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    LOL about the pack of smokes and the derrier!

    I have a feeling it is because the vibes you got from this girl were all wrong is why you chose to give her a piece of your mind. I know the C word had nothing to do with it.

    I don't judge those I help. It takes all sorts of people to populate the world and I've got enough difficult children in my immediate and extended family that I don't fall for stereotyping. I'll be the first to jump in and help someone in need.....regardless of what I have or don't have. If I can help, I help. The rest is left up to God to sort out. But honestly, if my gut instinct tells me to leave it alone.......I leave it alone. I figure there is a good solid reason for it and it's not up to me to necessarily know what that reason is. That too is for God to sort out. But I've not listened to my gut instinct and been burned severely because of it too darn many times to ignore it again.

    I think you were meant to say what you said when you said it. I think someone was trying to get this woman's attention for what she was pulling on other people, to see how wrong it is. Now it is up to her to get it or not. Ripples on a pond. We step in and out of people's lives for a reason.

  12. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    You are a better person than I, because after I ripped her a new one, I would have left her there with her mouth hanging open.
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Loth - I like your style.
  14. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Not to worry, Star. You DID donate. Your time. Your advice. Perhaps it will help her someway, someday. Hats off to you! You started this learning process for her. Either she will quit frauding people, or if she is really in need she will re-prioritize for her kids (if she has any).

    Way to go, Star!
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    You GO Star!!!!!!!

    Luv ya!

    I did that once to a guy who walked up to my open window at B&N. difficult child was in the car. The guy poked his head in right next to me, scared the #^&%%$* out of me, started in on how he was an honest guy, he wouldn't steal or do anything bad (why would you start a conversation like that?) and then of course, can I have some money?

    I was thinking about giving him something like a dollar, but all of a sudden, his 4 kids turned into 6, but he remembered that one still needed diapers, and oh, yeah, his wife had breast cancer. That's when I lost it. I was just finishing up my own radiation treatment and told him so. I said, "You'd better pick a better story next time, mister, because I've got breast cancer and I'm still paying my own medical bills!"

    Anyway, I know the feeling. When people hit a nerve, they hit a nerve.

    When you give, you do it because YOU FEEL THEY DESERVE IT AND YOU CHOOSE TO GIVE FREELY. You use your own judgment. Otherwise, as the girl said, it's stealing. Plain and simple.
  16. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Ya know? Starbie, you so rock!

    I have friends with messed up priorities. Got a HUGE (and I mean HU-MON-GOUS) tax refund and after they bought a reliable (used) truck, they then... Spent 2 weeks in a Holiday Inn because their driveway was snowy. She found out she was losing her job and... Bought tickets to a concert and they spent a weekend in a Hilton. I'm willing to help with food 'cause of the kids, but MAN oh MAN! (by the way, the stuff they get from me is healthy... But not "fun", like chips, etc. - more like beans and brussels sprouts.) I love hanging out with them, and they NEVER ask for anything. Not EVER. I just see where their money goes and roll my eyes. (And they're very, very generous with what they do have... Shaking head in bewilderment...)

    And then... And then there is BM, who was living with her mother, who was working THREE jobs. On food stamps, welfare, medicaid, while working. (Worked it out - on what the mother made alone, this was FRAUD.) Partied a lot according to the kids. And then complained that she never got child support! Err - it was paid - but the state pays itself back... Duh.

    I don't get it. #1, I feel bad using the handicapped placard I have. I mean, there are others who could use it more, right? #2, we should qualify for reduced lunch for the kids, but child support puts us over by about $1 a month. I could just not count it, but I just can't do it! #3, I will help ANYONE - but they've gotta help themselves.

    ...I have another friend, single mom, 3 kids. Does get support from her XH. Stretches, coupons, thrifts, you name it - has NEVER been on stamps or anything. I have NO CLUE how she does it. But it really irks her to see people standing in line at the welfare office... Smoking, dressed all fancy... And I agree.
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have gotten taken a few times. I refuse anymore to give to the guys on the off ramps because one time I went and bought a Big Mac meal and took it to him. I happened to be able to see him toss it in the bushes before I got past the next traffic light. He still stands there and panhandles to this day.

    Another time my mom and I were heading from VA to FL to see my grandmother. We stopped at a rest area to go potty. This young couple was there with the hood up on their car and some tools out. Car jacked up too. They even had a baby I think. They said the water pump had gone out and they didnt have enough money to get the part and still have the gas money and food money to get to where they were going. If we could just give them a little bit maybe some other people would too. Well we gave them ten bucks. Oddly enough, they were doing the same thing at the next rest stop we stopped at down the road!

    Then there was this young kid, about 17 that I really should have had better sense than to have helped one night about a year or two ago. He just caught me off guard. I was sitting in McDonalds parking lot waiting for Billy to come out from buying us some food. He came up to my window with this really pitiful sob story and I could just imagine it being Cory in his position. I think that is what got me.

    See, his girlfriend and he had had a fight and she had busted out a window in his grandma's car. She had also let out all the air out of the tire so it was flat and he couldnt get the car home from where it was left. He needed some money to go get a can of fix a flat. I told him I only had a dollar or two in change. Offered that. Oh...the store would take a debit card. Hmmm. So I said, well I guess I could run him to Food Lion and pick up a can of Fix a Flat, it was only 5 bucks. Well, we go there and he said, that isnt the right can...thats the normal kind for small leaks, he needs the kind for major leaks and it is 9 dollars at the auto parts store which opens in the morning. Would I just give him the 9 bucks and he would get it as soon as the store opened? Oh and drop him off at the house right over there? now I knew I had been taken. Where he wanted to go was a place you can get anything. I knew exactly what he was gonna buy. I handed him a 10 and dropped him off and said...SUCKER!

    I also told him I knew what he was up to and that if I saw him again I was calling the cops.
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member