Better Sit Down for This One...

[DaisyFace]

Hello All--

I am SOOO aggravated right now...so I am sorry if this turns into a rambling rant.

We had a psychiatrist appointment this evening--mostly to get difficult child's Celexa script refilled....

And psychiatrist began asking difficult child how she is doing in school. Well, she had a little sob story that despite trying really, really hard...she has all C's and D's. psychiatrist wanted to know if we were getting extra acedemic help for her--and that's when I informed psychiatrist that difficult child is, in fact, NOT trying really, really, hard...her teachers are reporting that she is just not doing the homework. I also told psychiatrist that we are sick of the daily homework battles and so husband and I ask about the homework--if difficult child says everything's great--we leave it at that. The end.

Well, psychiatrist completely disagrees about detaching on this issue and begins to design a reward/punishment system that she feels would be really effective at encouraging difficult child to get her homework done.

I say been there done that, and frankly, I don't want to play the games anymore where I have to guess whether or not difficult child is just lying about having no homework, or finishing homework in class, or did it during study hall etc. etc. etc.

[Here comes the part you have to sit down for:]

psychiatrist turns to difficult child and asks "Will you stop lying to your parents about homework?"

difficult child responds "Yeah"

And psychiatrist says "See? She won't lie to you about the homework any more."



What a moron I am to think that all these years we've been playing these games, dealing with all of difficult child's lying, sneaking around, making up stories, and other bull****--and I could have solved the whole problem by just asking her nicely not to lie any more?!?

Truly the psychiatrist is a miracle worker!!

Let me know if anyone else has a difficult child they would like her to "cure"--I'd be happy to give out her number....



I'm sorry--there just don't seem to be enough "angry" faces to reflect my emotions...

--DaisyF

 

[mstang67chic]

Um....wow.

And this person went to school for HOW long??? We had a counselor like that. He and difficult child would talk, difficult child would participate, say all the right things and then not follow through with a single thing once we walked out the office door. I wound up firing that counselor. He was a nice guy and he and difficult child got along well but difficult child had him completely snowed.

I would start looking now for another psychiatrist if possible. And in the meantime, do a little homework of your own. If there is anyway to find out what homework your difficult child has, keep track. Keep track of what she has, what she tells you regarding her progress on it and what grade she gets (assuming she turns it in.) By doing this, you can accomplish two things. First, you can show psychiatrist that you are "cooperating". (yes, I know about the battles...been there done that here also) But second (and possibly most important), you will be able to prove, assuming history repeats itself, that psychiatrist's miraculous method is worthless and simply getting difficult child to say she'll quit lying about her homework is NOT enough to actually solve the problem. Think of it as a sneaky "neener neener neener" moment to throw at the psychiatrist.

Otherwise, I have no advice. Just the fact that I have been there done that and can sympathize. Hugs.

 

[Shari]

O-M-G.

And you are PAYING this person???

Wow.

Guess the next time I spoke to him, the word "fired" would be right up towards the top of the list of things to say.

Wow.

 

[BusynMember]

Um, I'd dump the therapist. We had one equally as clueless. My daughter was taking drugs. He told us, in front of her, that we needed to trust her and believe her when she said something. ???? She never said a true thing the entire time she took drugs. That DID give daughter leverage to throw it in our faces: "You don't trust me, that's why I don't tell you the truth." Baaaaaaaaaaaah. There are many worthless therapists. I never took my daughter back to this one. I figured I could spend the money of groceries or other necessities.

 

[Janna]

I wonder if your psychiatrist is the brother/sister of our current ODD psychiatrist?

Moron.

I have zero tolerance anymore. Honestly, I'd have probably told psychiatrist where to put his theory. That gets me in trouble, I think.

Moron.

*oops, already said that*

 

[C.J.]

I found a few useful things from the doctors who wrote the Love & Logic (Cline & Fay)books. One of them was their take on school work. Apply the laws of natural consequences - don't turn in homework, grade is F. Don't study for test, grade is F. Don't get passing grades, don't get promoted to next grade. Guess what! The school will have classes for grade 8 (or whatever) again next year!

My other favorite thing from L&L - allowance. N* asks for something at the store, I say "Yes of course - with YOUR money."

 

[tiredmommy]

Is your psychiatrist in the market to buy some real estate? I have a nice little bridge in Brooklyn I'm looking to sell real cheap!

 

[Wiped Out]

I'd be looking for a new psychiatrist quick! The psychiatrist actually believes she will start being truthful because difficult child said so! Oh my. I can understand your frustrations.

 

[Hound dog]

Sorry. I can only laugh because I got one like that too. And dropped them like a hot potato.

psychiatrist needs to come back down onto planet earth. sheesh

Daughter is plenty old enough to accept the consequences of not doing her homework without you having to go to war.

(((hugs))) been there done that earned the tee shirt.

 

[ML]

Sheesh!

 

[slsh]

Oh my gosh - this must be something they learn in medication school, I swear. My difficult child's psychiatrist informed me last Thursday that difficult child had agreed to stop doing meth and PCP. Good grief - not that it's funny that difficult child's doing the drugs but... hello?????? Like nicely asking a difficult child to change any behavior is going to do a doggone thing. Sigh....

It's really a shame that there are professionals who so blindly reinforce our difficult children' manipulations and pure bologna. How powerful our kids must feel when the psychiatrists and tdocs simply take them at their word. It so undermines us parents when we're the ones having to deal with the real world.

Sorry Daisy - but at least you have *lots* of company.

 

[DaisyFace]

Oh my gosh - this must be something they learn in medication school, I swear. My difficult child's psychiatrist informed me last Thursday that difficult child had agreed to stop doing meth and PCP.

Wow!

Think of the thousands and thousands of dollars folks could save by NOT having to go through rehab!! These professionals are just remarkable aren't they? How I would love to live in their little fantasy worlds!

 

[DaisyFace]

I really have to thank all of you for your responses...

I don't know about you, but whenever I am confronted with this kind of nonsense...it blows my mind to the point where I am left thinking:

"Is it me? Am I the one that's crazy?!? Is this really supposed to be therapy and I just can't tell because after all these years the stress has turned my brains into Jell-O?"

I really appreciate the chance to vent and get second opinions on some of this carp.

I love you guys!!!



--DaisyF

 

[alongfortheride]

Does he have any openings on Saturday morning? I've spent a boat load of money, time and tears getting past this very problem. Who knew it was just that easy!

My other pet peeve on the same line is social workers/therapist "plans" that they work out together, write up and send us on our merry way. I have bitten the inside of my cheeks trying not to burst out laughing when they proudly come out of the office, plan in hand. He never makes it through step 1 never mind the other 8. and for this I pay good money!

 

[rejectedmom]

been there done that. Fired the idiots. Really no point in wasting your time and money for that lunacy. Heck the wino on the corner could do just as good a job for way less money. -RM

 

[Ropefree]

Sit still, see he will now sit still.

 

[Kjs]

OMG - I am side by side with you. Homework, lying about it, teachers emails, teachers phone calls. therapist said this is NOT an area to let go because it can be damaging to difficult child. And as you ALL know difficult child and I fight about school. I can't even mention a class or the word school and fight breaks out.

And, yep, therapist talked to him last quarter and asked him nicely if he would take out his homework without mom reminding him to, and mom...you don't nag him to do it.

He DID take out his homework at the time he stated. Then after 2 minutes, whined and complained about how long it would take him and blah, blah.

I have begged, yelled, fought, bribed and still no homework. Still lies about school work. Seems to like school, teachers all like him and he likes the teachers(finally) but school work - "bogus, no reason to do it".

I cannot let him get away without doing homework. I fall for the lies, day after day.

Just curious how difficult child is handling the situation.

 

[Marguerite]

I'm afraid my response to this would have been instantly sarcastic.

Oh, I say - that is wonderful! Thank you so very much! After all these years of arguing over homework, all the checking of bags, telephoneing teachers, asking, nagging, suprtvising - and all I had to do was ask her to stop lying and to cooperate? How stupid must I have been, all these y ears? How on earth can I ever thank you? My child is now cured! All it took was one simple request from you, and I know I can now beleive everything my child says to me on the topic of homework, now and forewer! That is miraculous, nobody has been able to ever do this before, and be able to guarantee that she will never lie to me again! I am so happy. Of course, now she is cured, that means we never need to bother you again. Goodbye, doctor, thank you for all you've done."

Mind you, I'm with mstang67chic. Make the effort to follow through as if the doctor is right. Be thorough. Be detailed. Take written notes. Then present the doctor with a written report. Then ask, "Now do you have some methods that are actually WORKABLE? Other than the previous pure wish fairy stuff..."

Marg

 

[SRL]

Truly the psychiatrist is a miracle worker!!

Let me know if anyone else has a difficult child they would like her to "cure"--I'd be happy to give out her number....

difficult child, heck! Send me the number without delay! I have a (gasp!) easy child who keeps lying about brushing teeth and since the cavities are costing me I'd really like to put an end to it today. One appointment and I'll never have to nag again!

Oh brother...

 

[timer lady]

Oh yeah, been there done that. Usually from some well meaning but totally inexperienced or totally out of touch psychiatrist. Those are the ones that need to stick with just medication management.