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Beyond selfish
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 669678" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Sherril, I am in a similar situation with my son.</p><p></p><p>He seems to know what he does when he hurts me, and I do not believe he says what he does to hurt me, primarily, but still chooses to do it.</p><p></p><p>There comes a time when I have to put myself first. I have health issues, too. And it is clear that around my son or embroiled in his issues, I go down hill. Depression is bad enough...but I too get ill. It takes weeks to restore my health after he leaves here.</p><p></p><p>I know now that he cannot come home, unless there is a great deal of changing.</p><p></p><p>I take phone calls one day at a time. I have very much backed off in getting involved in his choices and plans, or advocating any plan of actions.</p><p></p><p>To get there I had to almost not speak at all when he called. Hi, Bye, and maybe one or two other words. </p><p></p><p>It has to be faced: If your son wants to deal drugs and to not do one other productive thing, guess who wins? </p><p></p><p>As long as you pull his weight, he will think he hurts you, when he does dumb things.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps he needs a few more felonies to get the drift. What can you do?</p><p></p><p>The only thing you have any control over is yourself. How you choose to handle your own welfare and protect your own health.</p><p></p><p>I wish it was different. I can only respond based upon my own experience. Perhaps you will have another outcome. I fear you will not.</p><p></p><p>Your son is in charge of himself and his life. Going, by his words, he is choosing. Maybe this is posturing but the only way you can find out is to back away, and let him choose with his feet.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 669678, member: 18958"] Sherril, I am in a similar situation with my son. He seems to know what he does when he hurts me, and I do not believe he says what he does to hurt me, primarily, but still chooses to do it. There comes a time when I have to put myself first. I have health issues, too. And it is clear that around my son or embroiled in his issues, I go down hill. Depression is bad enough...but I too get ill. It takes weeks to restore my health after he leaves here. I know now that he cannot come home, unless there is a great deal of changing. I take phone calls one day at a time. I have very much backed off in getting involved in his choices and plans, or advocating any plan of actions. To get there I had to almost not speak at all when he called. Hi, Bye, and maybe one or two other words. It has to be faced: If your son wants to deal drugs and to not do one other productive thing, guess who wins? As long as you pull his weight, he will think he hurts you, when he does dumb things. Perhaps he needs a few more felonies to get the drift. What can you do? The only thing you have any control over is yourself. How you choose to handle your own welfare and protect your own health. I wish it was different. I can only respond based upon my own experience. Perhaps you will have another outcome. I fear you will not. Your son is in charge of himself and his life. Going, by his words, he is choosing. Maybe this is posturing but the only way you can find out is to back away, and let him choose with his feet. Keep posting. [/QUOTE]
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