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Beyond selfish
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<blockquote data-quote="UpandDown" data-source="post: 669703" data-attributes="member: 19025"><p>Crazyin Va and ChildofMine, this is such great advice. I have to come here and read it over and over again in many different posts to remember to use it. My son is famous for baiting me into conversations that are filled with verbal abuse and insults when he is struggling. It seems to be his coping mechanism. The conversation usually begins with telling me how bad his anxiety is and how its all my fault. How such and such happened. I tend to get sucked right in and will try to explain logically to him that I have taken him to the dr, etc etc. and advocated for him to get medication that will help him. That we going to therapy. That he needs to practice the techniques given and that I will help him. All the logical loving caring statements I can think of. But slowly the conversation turns to how I took his only drug that works away (weed) and leave him with no choice but to die. Of course I get sucked in 100% and on and on the conversation goes. That he wants me to die and how happy he will be when I do. Conversation(ie him screaming, cussing) usually ends with how I have emotionally abused him his whole life, because I have made him to feel something is wrong with him. (Because we have sought help since he was young) I get left in his disastrous wake and feel so sad and helpless that I can't pull it together for my other children. I cry and cry and run through all the horrible fears in my mind. What if he kills him self, what if he never finds peace, what if he treats his future girlfriend/wife this way. Last night I laid in bed and just prayed for sleep to come so I could start a new day. I could hear him out in the family room, laughing talking having a great time. It was over for him and all was fine. Yet I was in despair and traumatized and so very sad. Today is a new day and I have come to this site to read your words and remind myself that I need to NOT engage. I need to avoid all conversations with him that are "bait". That I need to repeat over and over to myself that he does not want answers from me. I will repeat oh, I love you, really, wow. Last week I had told the family therapist that I was not participating in the sessions with him anymore because he was abusive and not productive. I told my husband he has to be the one driving my son to his therapy sessions because the drive to or from is almost always filled with abuse and these type of conversations. I am slowly putting up my boundaries. Its just that it is against everything I know with parenting a "normal" child.</p><p></p><p>Thank you! Thank you for reminding me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="UpandDown, post: 669703, member: 19025"] Crazyin Va and ChildofMine, this is such great advice. I have to come here and read it over and over again in many different posts to remember to use it. My son is famous for baiting me into conversations that are filled with verbal abuse and insults when he is struggling. It seems to be his coping mechanism. The conversation usually begins with telling me how bad his anxiety is and how its all my fault. How such and such happened. I tend to get sucked right in and will try to explain logically to him that I have taken him to the dr, etc etc. and advocated for him to get medication that will help him. That we going to therapy. That he needs to practice the techniques given and that I will help him. All the logical loving caring statements I can think of. But slowly the conversation turns to how I took his only drug that works away (weed) and leave him with no choice but to die. Of course I get sucked in 100% and on and on the conversation goes. That he wants me to die and how happy he will be when I do. Conversation(ie him screaming, cussing) usually ends with how I have emotionally abused him his whole life, because I have made him to feel something is wrong with him. (Because we have sought help since he was young) I get left in his disastrous wake and feel so sad and helpless that I can't pull it together for my other children. I cry and cry and run through all the horrible fears in my mind. What if he kills him self, what if he never finds peace, what if he treats his future girlfriend/wife this way. Last night I laid in bed and just prayed for sleep to come so I could start a new day. I could hear him out in the family room, laughing talking having a great time. It was over for him and all was fine. Yet I was in despair and traumatized and so very sad. Today is a new day and I have come to this site to read your words and remind myself that I need to NOT engage. I need to avoid all conversations with him that are "bait". That I need to repeat over and over to myself that he does not want answers from me. I will repeat oh, I love you, really, wow. Last week I had told the family therapist that I was not participating in the sessions with him anymore because he was abusive and not productive. I told my husband he has to be the one driving my son to his therapy sessions because the drive to or from is almost always filled with abuse and these type of conversations. I am slowly putting up my boundaries. Its just that it is against everything I know with parenting a "normal" child. Thank you! Thank you for reminding me. [/QUOTE]
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