BFF Jill is living our worst nightmare

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by KFld, Nov 2, 2007.

  1. KFld

    KFld New Member

    My boyfriend Jill just called me hysterical because she just found out her son is addicted to heroin. She knows what I have been through and that is what makes her all the more terrified. She is just in the beginning of all of this and I know what she has ahead of her and it terrifies me.
    We just spent an hour on the phone crying and I'm trying to tell her what she needs to do, and she knows what I have done and what I have been through.

    She suspected he was doing something and he actually left needles in the bathroom tonight and she walked in after him and found them. LikeI said I know what she has ahead of her and it terrifies me.

  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I'm so sorry Karen. It is a one thing to suspect---it's another to know for sure. I remember that heart wrenching feeling! She is in my prayers tonight.
  3. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    Oh No Karen thats terrible news. I am so sorry, I hate this I really really hate this. Why do our kids do this to themselves??

    I am so sorry

  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I'm sorry to hear of another child caught up in drugs.
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    He will be in my prayers. As will BFF Jill.
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm so sorry, Karen. What a nightmare ahead. :crying:

  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    What horrible news for her, especially when she has just had
    surgery. Sending cyber hugs her way. DDD

    PS: Is her son a teen difficult child? Is he an only child? How's her husband
    doing with the challenge?
  8. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Oh no. I am so sorry to hear this! BFF has been such a wonderful strong support to you, such a good friend, she sounds like such a sweetie! So sorry for her hurting heart. She will be in all our prayers.
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Sending prayers and strength - I'm so sorry Karen.
  10. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    invite her to join our substance abuse forum here for some support.
  11. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I spoke with her many times today. I was in N.Y. with friends seeing a broadway play, had a great day, but she was on my mind constantly.

    She called me at one point sobbing because she called her ex and told him about their sons addiction and her son was very angry and told her he would never trust her again. She wanted to know if difficult child had ever said these things to me and did he mean them or would he really never trust her again. I assured her that once he's ready to get help, he will appreciate what she has done and will trust her again, but that she is at the beginning of a long process.

    She has been there for me since day one of my difficult child's addiction and she has learned a lot from the experience that she feels she can use herself now. I think it kind of puts her one step ahead because she knows what worked for me and my difficult child and what didn't. I know it doesn't make it any easier for her, but it does help her to know that I truley know exactly what she is going through.

    I thought of inviting her here, but I was wondering, has anyone here invited a close friend like this to join this forum. I know her and I tell each other everything, but I kind of feel like this is my private place that nobody else I know can come too and I'm not sure if I'm ready to give that up. Nobody else here really knows who I am outside of this board and I kind of like it that way. Is this selfish of me???

  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    No, Karen, it is not selfish. I do not recommend bringing anyone close here. I mean anyone can read what we write, but it is different. I told my bff to come here as she has a difficult child. It just was not her thing.
    It works better for us if I just give her advice that I have read here.
  13. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I don't think it wouldn't be her thing, and we tell each other evrything, but I think it would get kind of sticky knowing each other so well and then I worry how I would feel if somebody were saying soemthing to her that I didn't agree with. I think I would be very protective and get defensive. I think that may have just answered my own question.
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Karen...there are also other boards for such things. Maybe look for another one and check it out first and see what you think. Or go with her to that Alanon group you went to. I think there are also Alanon groups online.

    You dont have to bring her here.

    I have given out this address to people but they arent what I would call friends...more like people I happen to find out that they have a child with a disorder. Maybe I met them in a waiting room or at a ball game. We may not even know each others names. I certainly wouldnt recognize them if they joined this board unless they specifically asked me if I was the I have even thought of passing out little business cards with this website on them when I see a kid having a tantrum.

    I think if you wouldnt feel comfortable with her here, then its not the right thing to do. I know that I might feel very protective of my best friend too. She is vulnerable right now and I can understand why you would feel that way.
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    If you don't feel comfy having her here, don't tell her about it. Simple enough not to mention it. You can offer advice you hear here, and if she really wants us she will do a search and find us.

    I have heard from many who invited friends and then had problems. Some have even had school personnel use info here against them.

    Our therapist came here and was her wonderful self, so I personally have not had problems. I am aware I am in the minority.

    therapist did not refer others because she was afraid they would infringe on MY safe place. She was glad I had access and while we saw her would occasionally ask if the board had advice on one topic or another.

    As for your BFFJill, I am SOOOO Sorry she has this to deal with.

    Has her son been in other trouble, or is this "out of the blue"?

    Let her know we are here if it is OK with you, otherwise jsut relay info as needed. I will pray for her. This is one of the hardest things.

    Another thing: He did not leave the needle there by accident. He did it because he was asking for help. He will say all the awful hateful things, but hopefully will accept help.