Big blowup last night

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Sep 27, 2012.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    difficult child has been taking the bus straight to his girlfriend's house and avoiding coming home until later. One of those give him an inch issues.
    He still hadn't finished his second English paper, and was supposed to do math, as well as practice NILD on a chalkboard at home.
    So I decided to give him natural consequences. I had to go out last night and knew it would be too late to make dinner when I got home. He wanted steak.
    I spoke with-him on the phone (which, by the way, he neglected to answer for an entire hour after school) and when he asked for steak I told him that if he was home in 20 min. he could have one.
    No show. No steak.
    When I got home around 8:30, I spent 30 min. talking to husband because one of our neighbors wants to build a dock adjacent to our property and we have 10 days to contest it. We HAD to talk because we hadn't seen each other all day.
    So at 9:00 I told difficult child he had to do his chalkboard work. He was lying in bed, with-his phone, dissing me (I hate that expression) and as decided, I got husband to go in and get him out of bed. (difficult child would have never gotten out of bed if I were the only one trying)

    We went into the kitchen and after difficult child refused to do the board work because I had the wrong chalk and it was getting late (and he still hasn't shaved his beard for ROTC) it started to ramp up so I just ran with-it.

    "Fine. Put your phone on the table. Right here."

    difficult child realized that we would follow through, and his phone is way more important to anything else in life because it's how he communicates with-his difficult child. He totally blew up, threw the phone across the room, it came apart (but it still works) and he almost threw his girlfriend's mini-Ipad but luckily, stopped himself. He slammed his fist onto the table and nearly broke his hand.

    He broke down in tears and I got an ice pack. husband is the local college football team chiro so he sees a lot of this injury, and he decided it wasn't broken, so he taped two fingers together and iced it, while difficult child sobbed and told us LOUDLY what all the problems were.

    The kids in ROTC told him he looked like a gorilla.
    He's been doing all of his homework and getting good grades and he feels like since he's doing it all, he should be given his freedom.
    Too many changes all at once.
    Too much going on.

    We got sick of hearing him yell and after a few min, addressed the issues. First of all, "If you talked to me, I would know that you were doing well but the Parent Assist is not online yet, plus, I need to see it with-my own eyes. How am I supposed to congratulate you if I don't know?"
    He apologized and apologized, not because he felt guilty, but because he didn't want his phone taken away.

    You get the idea.

    As it turned out, everyone was so stressed, we all overslept and difficult child got his phone out of our bathroom (we make sure it's charged and taken away every night). We have to talk about that. I distinctly told him last night that I'd see if he could earn back his privileges today.
    I pick him up after 2 today to take him to his dreaded Occupational Therapist (OT) chalkboard class, and then he has a therapist appointment at 6. We will certainly have a lot to talk about!
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry it was such a stressful evening. Glad he/you have the appointments today -- hoping for a little more peace in your house tonight.

  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Overload = blowup.
    Problem is just much bigger when the kid is bigger!
    And... less ways to reduce the overload than when they were young.
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Wow, I had to double check that I had not posted that. We had almost the exact same night here. It is eerie how alike Eeyore and you son are.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry for the very rough night. I hope the therapist is helpful and that things are more peaceful this evening. (((hugs)))
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you all. :)

    GREAT therapist appointment.
    Talked in depth about serious issues, and therapist thinks that difficult child's anxiety is ramping up and we need a medication change. My thoughts--We're still using imipirimine and clonidine and seroquel, so maybe all or one of those can go, and be replaced by a more adult anti-anxiety medication, and keep the lithium.
    Although the lithium may be causing some of this.
    We will meet with-the psychiatrist, and I will make a regular doctor appointment, since we have to fill out a form for sports at some point this yr, anyway.

    difficult child talked about how sometimes he feels like he cannot take in enough air, and then he starts thinking and thinking about his breathing, and he changes it from his nose to his mouth. He also said that he lies down at night and gets terrified for no good reason, then sits up, then can lie back down again after awhile.
    He also said he does not like to change things like walking with his girlfriend from the bus ... when I say I can pick him up at her house, or take her home from our house, he hates to change that pattern.
    I guess that's why you hire professionals ... I was taking these all as separate entities, but the therapist put them all together.

    I told difficult child that if he could get inside my cousin's head and get her to speak as clearly and succinctly about her anxiety issues it would save me a lot of trouble! I don't know if it's just a guy thing but he gets straight to the point.