Big deal out of nothing?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by threeCs, Nov 19, 2007.

  1. threeCs

    threeCs New Member

    Just need a reality check...

    Last night over a very pleasant dinner, difficult child relays a story where his best friend made an insensitive comment and difficult child pointed out the insensitivity without there being a big dust up. We were really proud of difficult child that he took the position he did and praised him for standing on the right side of what is essentially a social justice issue.

    This morning, I am going through difficult child IM logs and I find out that his friend Kaye is the one that took on difficult child's best friend when the best friend made the insensitive comment. Our difficult child agreed with Kaye that best friend can be a pain, and told her stories where best friend has accused difficult child of being too righteous. Bottom line: difficult child didn't have this 'social justice' conversation with best friend, Kaye did.

    I feel bad because we gave him such praise for standing up for the right thing--something he doesn't always do--and now it turns out, it wasn't really him who said it. In fact, difficult child wasn't even in school the day it happened!

    So two questions: should I call him on it or let it slide because there really are worst lies to tell? Or, is this the sign of a more troubling behavior? He is a difficult child after all and lying is one of his part-time jobs.

    Like I said, it's minor but...
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I would let it go. Our kids get so little real praise. There's a part of him that has to be feeling bad that he didn't quite deserve the kudos. At least he recognized that what was said was wrong and the correct way to handle it. Be proud of him for that. Do leave the door open so that if he brings it up, you can discuss the good in what had happened and his ultimate honesty. If he doesn't, he will still have seen that doing the right thing gets rewards and maybe the next time he will be the one to stand up for the injustice.
  3. jenzer

    jenzer New Member

    It's hard to take back the praise. I wouldn't on this one. He did know the right thing to do and next time he may be more confident to do the right thing. Sounds like he really wants some approval from you, he might try harder to earn it now.
  4. lynnp

    lynnp New Member

    Were in not for the IM logs, and he did it in a face-to-face conversation, you'd never know. I'd let it go. Take comfort out of the fact that, because he said he said it, he must have at least WANTED to say it!
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ahhh. I agree. It could have been face-to-face. But at least he agrees with-it.
    Hey, my husband does this all the time! And he's a grownup!
  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    my difficult child does this all the time as well.........I think it is their way of trying on other's shoes, and seeing if they fit, so to speak. He now knows that "if" he did stand up for a social injustice you would be really proud....I think, at this point, this is all that matters.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'd let it slide. It's important that he knows the right way.

    Mine does too, grates on the nerves after awhile.
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    One more who agrees to let it slide.

    If you had found the log to say that difficult child had said the complete opposite, i.e. had sided with the insensitive one against Kaye, I would have spoken up. In this case, it is, hmm, let's call it an embellishment.

    My DEX (and I swear this is true) used to embellish stories to the point where he believed what he was saying. And it was never to hurt anyone. Just to make his stories sound more interesting.