Bio Parents Absence and difficult child's

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Calgon_Take_Me_Away, Aug 10, 2008.

  1. Calgon_Take_Me_Away

    Calgon_Take_Me_Away New Member

    Since it was kinda brought up in another post (I didn't want to hijack) and dr's generally ask about parents my question is:

    Do you feel your difficult child's issues relate to bio parents absence? At what point do you feel they aren't related?

    In our situation, I left my exH in Nov 2000 ~ difficult child turned one yr old in August, so not quite 1 1/2. I met my husband in Feb 2001 (at the 1 1/2 mark). Because of the young age, I don't see it being an issue. ExH was completely out of the picture by August 2005 on his own doing. He last saw the kids July 29, 2005 and at that time I told him I expected one call a week and one visit a month (this was after 6 months absence of nothing at all and then threatened that he'd spoke to a lawyer that told him he could get custody because I was refusing to let him see the kids ~ I explained he had to call and make arrangements to see the kids before I could refuse anything). But that wasn't the first long absence and he saw the kids sporadically when not on long absence. I was pushing for regular contact, more stability on his end with the kids. When difficult child was around 3, he greeted bio dad by calling him his real name .... he didn't see him enough to know him as dad. He didn't really know his kids then and doesn't know them at all now.

    We've questioned whether or not exH will try to interfere with placement (I personally haven't talked to him since August 2005 either, but have passed messages to him through his mom about health insurance issues). I guess we look at it like he hasn't bothered for 3 yrs, why now?

    Long story short, I don't feel my leaving bio dad resulted in difficult child's issues. However, I do feel bio dad's in and out didn't help issues with- difficult child.

    Regardless, the older two kids refer to husband & I as their parents or mom & dad, but they don't call husband "dad" ~ it's something we've never pushed. easy child 2 is ours.
  2. GottaLoveEm!

    GottaLoveEm! Mom of 6

    I'm dealing with a related issue. I currently have 2 foster kids who have repeatedly been abandoned by bio mom. Bio dad not around for 10 years/abusive. It seems that every time they have contact with Bio Mom, 9 year old has VIOLENT TANTRUMS for 2 days afterward. Especially if it involves disappointment (no-show). It's getting exhausting. ADHD has been relatively manageable otherwise.

    Yes, I think the instability is a factor. It is definitely a factor in our case...anyone else??