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Bipolar son about to be homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 728372" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome Laker16. I'm sorry for your struggles with your son. It's challenging when our kids go off the rails and refuse to get the help they need. We parents suffer the agonies of the damned trying to help them when they won't help themselves.</p><p></p><p>It's a positive sign that you are aware that he cannot live with you, you've already fought that battle and learned that it will not work. I've realized the same thing with my daughter. Many of us here have come to the same conclusion.</p><p></p><p>It seems that there is nothing you can do now. He has made his choice. The hardest thing for me and for many of us here is the powerlessness we feel. We cannot save them from themselves but our fear for their safety and well being often pushes us to frantically look for ways to help....that's when the desperation starts....and the possible enabling.</p><p></p><p>Take some deep breaths, this is scary for us. Our kids are way more resourceful than we believe them to be. You can offer him a list of shelters in his area, most towns have shelters and food banks of some sort. That may be all you can do right now. ......I know how hard that is.</p><p></p><p>If you haven't already, try contacting NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can access them online, they have chapters in most cities. They provide an excellent course for parents which offers information, resources, support and guidance. You may find help there. </p><p>It may also be helpful for you to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. </p><p></p><p>Books that helped me were Codependency no more by Melodie Beattie, Any book by Pema Chodron who is a Buddhist nun who writes about living with uncertainty and any book by Eckhart Tolle who writes about living in the present moment and acceptance. I also found some soothing guided visualizations on YOUTUBE which were quite helpful in finding solace and a sense of calm. You can search for the ones that work for you, relaxation, meditation, rest, peacefulness, etc. I like Deepak Chopra's voice, so I usually choose his guided visualizations.</p><p></p><p>This path we find ourselves on is devastating....we have to learn very different ways of responding, setting boundaries, saying no, detaching, letting go and accepting what we can't change. To that end, many of us enlist the help of a therapist, someone who will help us navigate this difficult terrain we find ourselves on. When I was in the midst of the worst times with my daughter, I was in therapy, a therapist run parent support group and CoDa (12 step support group), weekly. I knew I didn't have the wherewithal to make the necessary changes without professional help.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting, it helps. Get yourself a solid support system. Put yourself as the priority and focus on YOUR needs. I know that sounds absurd right now, but you matter too. Often when we've been at this with our kids for a long time, we become depleted and forget to care for ourselves. Do kind and nourishing things for yourself. I'm glad you're here with us. You're not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 728372, member: 13542"] Welcome Laker16. I'm sorry for your struggles with your son. It's challenging when our kids go off the rails and refuse to get the help they need. We parents suffer the agonies of the damned trying to help them when they won't help themselves. It's a positive sign that you are aware that he cannot live with you, you've already fought that battle and learned that it will not work. I've realized the same thing with my daughter. Many of us here have come to the same conclusion. It seems that there is nothing you can do now. He has made his choice. The hardest thing for me and for many of us here is the powerlessness we feel. We cannot save them from themselves but our fear for their safety and well being often pushes us to frantically look for ways to help....that's when the desperation starts....and the possible enabling. Take some deep breaths, this is scary for us. Our kids are way more resourceful than we believe them to be. You can offer him a list of shelters in his area, most towns have shelters and food banks of some sort. That may be all you can do right now. ......I know how hard that is. If you haven't already, try contacting NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can access them online, they have chapters in most cities. They provide an excellent course for parents which offers information, resources, support and guidance. You may find help there. It may also be helpful for you to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Books that helped me were Codependency no more by Melodie Beattie, Any book by Pema Chodron who is a Buddhist nun who writes about living with uncertainty and any book by Eckhart Tolle who writes about living in the present moment and acceptance. I also found some soothing guided visualizations on YOUTUBE which were quite helpful in finding solace and a sense of calm. You can search for the ones that work for you, relaxation, meditation, rest, peacefulness, etc. I like Deepak Chopra's voice, so I usually choose his guided visualizations. This path we find ourselves on is devastating....we have to learn very different ways of responding, setting boundaries, saying no, detaching, letting go and accepting what we can't change. To that end, many of us enlist the help of a therapist, someone who will help us navigate this difficult terrain we find ourselves on. When I was in the midst of the worst times with my daughter, I was in therapy, a therapist run parent support group and CoDa (12 step support group), weekly. I knew I didn't have the wherewithal to make the necessary changes without professional help. Keep posting, it helps. Get yourself a solid support system. Put yourself as the priority and focus on YOUR needs. I know that sounds absurd right now, but you matter too. Often when we've been at this with our kids for a long time, we become depleted and forget to care for ourselves. Do kind and nourishing things for yourself. I'm glad you're here with us. You're not alone. [/QUOTE]
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