Hi everyone, to make this short. Had a bad day in court. 19 year old difficult child was in court on old juvenile charges. Anyway, he was doing ok bi-polar wise, but these situations start up the manic episodes. Anyway, after badgering me in the car back and forth and me trying to talk sensibly to him, he finally said he acts that way because I put him in the behavioral hospital at age 12 for 3 months until placement was found. He claims he was just "angry" and it was normal behavior then. He was hospitilized again at 15 and went into another placement. I never 2nd guess myself and know he absolutely had to go in placement, his behavior was out of control,nothing I could handle. He really doesn't like me and that's ok, but do they ever understand? He won't get counseling or medications and he is just a mess. Just wondered how many of you are blamed for their hospital stays and if the guilt ever goes away. It was the most devastating thing that I ever had to go through and he doesn't see that. I am so PTSD over it and I wonder if my life will ever be the same. Thanks. He's still my son and I love him.