Bless the Chicago PD!

[slsh]

So I guess thank you's been AWOL more often than not the past several days - staff isn't calling me. They should but.... can't say I'm terribly unhappy to *not* be getting the calls at 11 p.m. (especially the nite of the big snow storm last week!). Nothing I can do about it besides worry.

He wasn't where he said he'd be on Christmas, called us that afternoon - I suspect ulterior snarky motives (na-na-na-na-naaaaa-na, see Mom, I can do what I want and you can't do anything) but I'm ticked at him anyway so who knows. Anyway, policy is a police report is filed every time he's AWOL. Nothing is ever really done... until today.

A detective called TLP this morning to see if thank you showed up. Nope. So staff gave him the minimal information on where they think he is - Goth Girl's house. First name only, and the street they think she lives on.

Mr. Detective-of-the-year *found* my son!!! Talked to GG's mom, who by all reports is a major adult difficult child. Well, Mom didn't take too kindly to having police show up (evil chuckle here) so she called TLP and read them the riot act.

TLP informed her that thank you is a minor, is supposed to be at TLP every night, does not have permission to spend the night at her house (with her 16-year-old daughter), regardless of what stories thank you is telling her. Mom took offense (image that, LOL). Then staff told her that since she is not thank you's mother or guardian, staff could not discuss it further with her.

Staff offered me Mom's name and number. I declined. What's the point? One difficult child in my life is more than enough and quite frankly, I don't think I'll be able to reason with a woman who is letting my son spend the night with her daughter, you know? Nothing I say or do will change that.

thank you showed up at TLP yesterday bragging about how "nice" GG's mom was, bought him Christmas presents, cooked him steak for dinner.... gag me. I was *really* hoping that Christmas someplace else would pale in comparison with Christmas at home - guess that didn't work out so well this year. Sigh.

I told staff that I'm absolutely not pushing him anymore. He's incredibly volatile right now, very hostile, has destroyed property at the house. I suspect a combination of drugs and not taking his medications. I told staff that I think if we tighten the screws, he may make a really bad choice (leave TLP, lose funding, become lost to services) and that I think we need to wait him out. Perhaps having officers showing up on her doorstep on a regular basis may aggravate GG's mom enough to kick him out at night. Or maybe not.... difficult children are pretty unpredictable.

Anyway - at least we do know exactly where he's hanging out now, thanks to Mr. Detective. Bless him!!!

 

[ML]

(((((((((((((((((SLSH))))))))))))))))))))) Mixed feelings here. Glad they found him but sorry you're going through all this. May things brighten in 09

 

[Andy]

I am glad you didn't know he was lost in a snow storm. I think you are wise not to open up the can of worms with the difficult child mom. Anyone who allows someone to break rules to spend the night with her 16 year old is certainly not open to reason and can care less as to what is best for the kids.

Don't be too sure that thank you didn't miss Christmas at home. No matter how wonderful it is somewhere else, there really is no place like home. Often the louder the brag, the bigger the hole it is trying to cover. He is trying to convince himself of something that is just not there.

 

[compassion]

thank you reminds me alot of my difficult child daughter. So much the attitude of I will do waht I want and if you don't do it MY way, I will find someone to enable me so I can get my way.
I had to laugh about the difficult child house. My difficult child soes this. She finds difficult child families .
She is also an expert an spinning stuff to get what she wants. Her illness/addctions lash out at the stucture/health and stability I provide.I am detaching more and take it less personally. I am often the baddie as i am the limit setter. Sometimes she refuses to talk to me. You set limits with thank you and he insisted on his way. I choose my battles and the current one is no rnning, using, and contact with substance abusers. The difficult child family she hangs with in many ways is that way without the substances. I work on detachment and keekpig the focus on us and suporting health.

I really try to not engae in the difficult child families although it is fruatrating. She also did this on Christmas. We had a fantatic holiday here but she did go over to this other family and they saw the latest movie about Hitler. I am settign boundaries more about this though. She did not immedialty get picked up, they sleep till 2 and she gets very bored. I set the boudnaries so husband and I could have some tiem together.

I also really try to keep the focus on me . The difficult child family also think I am a meanie becasue I am settinglimits,faciliate discipline,etc.

The less I react to it, the more she gets bored with it, the more she is stabilzed she seems to want healthier stuff. Some days are pertty good and some days are more challenging. Compassion

 

[meowbunny]

I agree that the more he brags, the odds are the less happy he really was. A couple of presents and steak doesn't quite make up for family and warmth and love. His loss.

I'm sorry he's being such a brat. Not surprised, just sorry. I'm also glad the staff doesn't call you every time he bolts. Sounds like having the police show up at girlfriend's house every time he is AWOL is a very good plan.

 

[Wiped Out]

I too am glad the staff isn't calling every time. I'm glad the detective found thank you and too bad if difficult child mom was upset! Sheesh! I definitely don't think you should call her!
(((Hugs))))

 

[Rotsne]

Sometimes you have to keep your enemies close. I would certainly be close to the Goth girls family.

If possible and in a situation where the mom takes the laws about who is guardian very easy, it could have been fun to give them couple therapy together, but Anasazi (wilderness program) has discontinued their couple program. A week away from party mom (Goth girl) and the stress from the program would have destroyed the relationship or rebuilt it on real values.

Knowledge is power. I would have taken the phone number so I could find out even more about who my off-springs are seeing.

I hope that you manage it anyhow. Best wishes.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

It's nice to hear that the CPD did something positive for a change. Good for you for remaining detached!

 

[bran155]

You are better off without those dreaded phone calls. Believe me. I used to get them regularly when my daughter was in her first Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Nothing you can do about it so why worry all night long.

It's so nice when the cops actually step up. I am lucky here as well, the police in my town have been amazing.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this hell. I know how hard this is firsthand. Hang in there and God bless.

 

[Steely]

God, the phone calls.
I have PTSD every time I even hear a bell. Geez.

I am so sorry thank you is still not getting the picture. I mean, what else do we do with these kids. It is infuriating, and crazy making. You are doing exactly the right thing. I think pressing him when he is this aggravated is never going to take the path you wanted it to be.

What are the psychiatrists saying about medications. Is he still willing to take something new?

What happens when he is 18? Do they still have placement for him?

Many hugs.

 

[Shari]

At least Goth Girl lives in a house and not on the street. Not that its much comfort...

Hugs.

 

[TerryJ2]

Good going, Sue!
I think I would have taken the Goth girl's mom's # just to keep it in a folder, but not to actually make contact. But since the system seems to be working well for you, you don't need it; they can make the contact. Good job!
What a rollercoaster.
I agree, having the police show up on the doorstep may dampen everyone's spirits. The more you stay out of it and let they system do its thing, the better. Natural consequences and all that.
Stay strong!