Bordem at family meetings....!

[lovelyboy]

I'm feelng real crancky after visiting mom in law this afternoon.....

She invited us for tea to chat with some distand family who came around...My little son has toncilitis, so wasn't very 'happy'. Oldest ghg was ok to go because his cousins would have come....He took some things with to occupy himself....then later became a bit aggitated and started teasing his little brother. This made me become more and more stressed!

So when he realized that his cousins wasn't coming my oldest became frustrated and oh so BORRED!!! Then he became irritable, wanted me to come and talk to him outside, look at his skating tricks and go for walks with him....I know I had to do this to prefent temper tantrums!

My mom in law doesn't know of any of ghg diagnosis...and keeps on telling me to come inside to chat with the adults....

So a bit later ghg started making "tantrum like sounds" and I knew we had to leave soon because this might lead to a full blown meltdown. When I told him softly to stop it...he announced loud and clear..."what do you mean, exct"....aspie coming through!

When we left my mom inlaw told me that she feels bad because she could see how irritated I was for visiting her....I told her this is the reason I prefer her visiting us then ghg can occupy himself....she takes it personal and thinks that I have a problem with her, exct.

It wount help discussing it with her, she woun't 'get it' and with in 5 minutes the whole world will know all about my son!

How do you usually handle this kind of situation....must I just leave my son to be misrable....is it right to just leave soon when you seen meltdown coming or is he manipulating us?

 

[Bunny]

Sometimes, there are things that we just don't go to. I have a friend who thinks that I am wrong to do that, but she doesn't have any kids, let alone a difficult child, so she hasn't got a clue what it's like.

We stayed home last Christmas because the kids really wanted to stay home. We have never had Christmas here and the kids are getting to the age where they want to stay home and play with the stuff that they got, usually the hot new video game. husband's aunt refused to let me cook for the family, so we stayed home. She was bent out of shape about it, but actually I think that it was one of the least stressfull Christmas Days that I've ever had since difficult child was born.

For what it's worth, it tool my mother in law a very long time to understand what difficult child being a difficult child meant. He does not react to some things the way other, "normal" kids do. For the longest time difficult child behaved the way that he did because I didn't "mother him properly" and for the longest time I refused to talk to her about it. I told husband that if he wanted to give her a clue, it was fine by me, but I was not going to discuss it her. I was tired of hearing that it was all my fault (note that it was MY fault. Not her son's fault in any way because he's the perfect father). I think she finally came to see that his problems were not normal pre-teen issues when I told her that he once threatened to beat the **** out of me with a hockey stick. That was her moment, it was a long time coming.

I think understanding from people, especially family, who don't live it every dayis hard to come by. They don't get it. They don't see the signs that a meltdown is imminent, and the stress, and in me almost panic, that it brings. Sometimes you have to do whatever you need to do to get through something. If that meant leaving your mother in law's house, that is what you need to do. Life with a difficult child is tressfull enough. You should not have to worry about pleasing everyone else.

 

[HaoZi]

I run into similar issues with family (mostly inlaws) not getting it. I must be doing something wrong, the docs must be wrong, the teachers are inept, etc. Not always said directly to me, either, but mostly as an undercurrent. I like them, but I'm glad we live far away.

 

[Ktllc]

Maybe you could come up with a simplified explanation? Something like "difficult child is not super social, and I'd rather make it short AND enjoyable for all of us". She might not agree with that, but you don't have to engage in an argument. Just kind of nod to whatever advice/comments she gives you.
I know it's hard. We would like for people to understand and have some sympathy... but it's just not in the cards...
Try some breathing techniques.
My folks are coming in town next week, so I'm going to have to do some serious breathing as well!

 

[lovelyboy]

Thanx for your feedback! Makes me feel less alienated!
I'm not that worried about how to handle mother in law......although it does stress me out....alot!
Is there maybe any advice or ideas on how you guys handle your kidos in this kind of situation or this kind of behaviour?

 

[keista]

Well, when we travel to my dad's house, the girls pack a suitcase, and son packs his Wii with ALL the games. IOW they all bring plenty to keep themselves occupied. It is a 3 hour drive each way, and sometimes this stuff comes in handy for the ride as well. Fortunately they don't usually need it.