There is a website that will answer your questions by another author. The book is "Understanding the Borderline Mother" by Christine A. Lawson and the website is www.borderlinemothers.com
She will outline the causes, treatment etc... and she goes into detail about disassociative traits of the Borderline (BPD) person.
The anxiety that is suffered by Borderline (BPD) people usually caused by a fear of abandonment.
Go the her website. Read what she has to say. I know that it will help a lot of the moms here on this board with Borderline (BPD) kids and Borderline (BPD) people who grew up with Borderline (BPD) moms. The book is expensive but maybe the local library has it in stock. I also read on amazon that this author is coming out with a new book.
Thank you katmom, I appreciate your kindness /importthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
I just went off on one of my hysterical episodes, and now I feel like crap .
I asked my daughter to help me do something, and she wouldn't do it.. she said it was too embarassing.. so I got irritated and tried to force her to help me, and she still wouldn't, so I came home and got my boys to help me, but when they went to get what I wanted it was gone.. so I got even more irritated and snarky and anoyed and grouchy, and blaa blaa blaa.... and after about 30 minutes, I realized the situation was my fault, and I shouldn't have tried to force my daughter to help me.. (even if she should have).. well either way, I released her from that responsability and let her know that I shouldn't have tried to force her to help me.
I read Jill's suggested site and now I'm more confused than ever. I just got diagnosis with bipolar after years of denial. Now I read up on Borderline (BPD) and so much of it sounds eerily familiar. However, when they describe the Borderline (BPD) mother and say that they feel threatened when their child is loved by others, this is simply not true for me. I am alway disappointed that others can't see the sensitive and caring side to difficult child. I really wish they would. And I WANT to be proud of my daughter. I revel in her success. Those things do not fit with Borderline (BPD).
However, I do act differently in different settings. For example, it took at least a year for my work to see the explosive and temperamental side to me. At home I am completely different than when I am at work. At work I can hold in my anger to a stronger degree. I'm starting to get paranoid here and think I was diagnosis with the wrong disorder. Can Borderline (BPD) also have symptoms of fluctuations in sleep disturbances and pressured speech? It makes me wonder.
Jessee, thanks for sharing your story. It took alot of courage.
Borderline: Very High
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: Very High
Yaaaay /importthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif Scored low on EVERYTHING but obsessive compulsive (moderate) but I AM Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) so no big surprise. I'm not gonna worry about it. I'm not happy to be bipolar but I'm gonna accept the diagnosis for what it is and not be concerned with anything else right now. My goal is to achieve stability for my BiPolar (BP).
I just wanted to add that I think you are an awesome mom for all that you have been through. You deserve a gold medal. You have been through so much yet you still have your kids and you're hanging in there.
Keep it up :Warrior: And thank you for sharing your life story.
How do my Kids feel? hmmm good Question, Man you like to make my brain work hehe.
I have always taught my kids that they cannot live life the way I do, just cause I don't like to eat it, doesn't mean you don't like to eat it.(as an example)
I am very very protective over my children, anyone who knows my Family can testify to that,but it really depends on what areas we're speaking of here.. NO they aren't allowed to date.
NO there aren't allowed out past dark, no matter who there with,(unless an approved Adult).
I had the biggest test of my Faith this summer, and it was one of the hardest things I have had to make a decision on.
Being that I am a single parent, there is a Fella who runs an outreach program in my City, he also goes to my church, well anyways, he wanted to take my 2 boys and 4 others boys SURFING, HAHAHA.. surfing is dangerous. very danerous!!!
So I really struggled with that decision, I talked to alot of people about it, Prayed ALOT, I didn't mind the 12 year old going, cause he was rdy for the seperation from me this summer.. he has never been able to leave me before.. but Daddy had already taken him and 1 daughter camping for a weekend, so I knew he would be alright.. didn't make the danger of Surfing go away, but I was willing to do it.
BUT, my little 9 year old!!! He is my Baby, I protect him alot, being that he is special needs and we almost lost him at birth, I treasure the little guy.so to let him go for 5 days on a surfing trip, was like asking for my blood.
I let him go!
I sent along a box with medications and writen instructions when to administer them.
I spoke to them about 3 times in the 5 days, so that helped.
they brought back 160 Pictures of my Babys standing on HUGE waves in thier wet suits and stuff... man I told them you are lucky I wasn't there... that looked soooooo dangerous... I am so happy they got to go.
My kids are realy lucky to have this friend in thier lives, other wise they wouldn't get to do alot of the things they do.
My kids are not more mature than anyone elses, remember that 3 out of 4 have some sort of challange.
I know that my 12 year old boy would have been alot happier if if wan't abused by daughter 1 and abused by 9 year old son.. he has had a real test of strength living in the middle of those 2, and then me who spontaniously loses my temper.( hardly ever now)
My daughter 1 is a rebel. she would rather be doing anything she can away from home.. she loves her family, but she says she doesn't like to be around us 24/7.. I say "tough, this is your life and your family get over it".. of course she gets to go out and do stuff with out us.. youth groups/sleep overs etc.. it's just if she had her way she'Learning Disability (LD) be one of them kids you see hanging in the parks after dark with her stonie friends.LOL she is a Great kid.. but a bit of a rebel.
My kids don't do drugs or drink or smoke or anything.. Daughter 1 has tried drinking and smoking a couple times, that didn't go over well with me, and she doesn't do that anymore.
my 9 year old on the other hand,....
I by a 4 pack of Mudslides about once a year.. other than that I don't drink.. I bought my 4 pack this year, and when I got up one morning 2 bottles were gone.. I knew who did it, but took 2 hours of the gestopo Mom having at his brain to make him fess up .. he finally confesed. he couldn't bear it anymore lol!!! he doesn't understand that I am more stubborn than him.
I have to step out of my comfort zone alot with my kids, If I had my way they would never go anywhere without me.( I treasure them so much and am so fearful of anything happening to them), but I know they can't live like that.
They are allowed out, but they need to have a specific place to be, they are not allowed to just go and hang out,(like at the mall and stuff) they need to have Money and a reason to be there, and be with approved people, mainly my daughter on that example.
I allow them freedoms as they earn the right to have them, my oldest daughter has screwed that up a few times, and she gets put right back to the begining again.. now you got earn my trust and your right to be out doing stuff again.
I do find it very difficult alot of the times, My oldest daughter is such a kind hearted girl and a wonderful person, but she is a TEEN, and some of her examples are NOT what I want around the other kids. Like her type of Music.. uggg, makes me crazy.(we are Chistian) and I prefer my kids to stay away from the cecular music.. that has been a struggle... now she can listen to her music, as long as it is clean, and it's in her room, she gets what she wants and so do I.
My oldest Son is my Hospital Buddy, if I need to go to the Hospital for heart Palpations, he is almost always the one I take with me.. he makes it more fun.. the girls get whiney and the 9 year old talks way to much, my oldest son and I do best there,, and as silly as it sounds.. it's also a time for us to be alone together.
being a single parent it is tough to make the 1 on 1 time that they all need.
that is his.
My oldest kids all know about the abuse I went through, and about all my DXs, they understand them and are accepting of them.
When I get really immature, my daughter will as me what personality is out today lol.. sometimes she's right.
Considering all the challenges we have in our lives, I think we are OK.. I think we are faily normal.. not perfect by any means.. but the most important thing is I love them, they Love me.. and we are our own family, different than everyone elses.just like all families.
Not sure If I answered your questions properly.. but this is "MY LIFE".. hehehe... I'm in a silly Mood today
You see the need to let the children go and grow and have experiences despite your internal voice saying "too dangerous". It's a good way to be. You understand what they need. Sounds like an fairly average family. It's good to have this friend to help out with doing things.
And I want to thank you for being so open and honest about what you've gone thru. difficult child has just received the Borderline Personilty diagnosis, and I admit to being pretty much at a loss. She does have most of the characteristics, but with a few that aren't there. (which I suppose is why we're looking at a possible future diagnosis of shitzophrenia)
One thing I don't understand...from what I've read, and seen here too, Borderline (BPD) is usually related to abuse of some kind. This is the stumper with difficult child 2. No abuse. The kid couldn't have lived a more normal boring life.
I too was severely abused in many ways as a child. Also grew up with a mother with untreated schitzophrenia. (A nitemare of itself) So am also extremely overprotective of my kids. When I say I know where my kids are 24/7 I'm not kidding. So ig difficult child has suffered any abuse or even something traumatic I just can't come up with a how or when. And she swears nothing has happened.
I think you're an awesome person and a wonderful parent. I too suffer anxiety from my childhood an can empathize with you there.
I learned alot from this post and will be doing alot of reading.
It's good to know you and I respect your ability to look at yourself and share with all.
There aren't too many brave enough to do so.
Sadly, when others discover our vulnerabilities...sometimes they like to capitilize on them for their own "wicked" purposes.
It's sad, but true.
Never be afraid of who you are.
Hugs and Love,