Borderline Personality

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by chaosink, Sep 16, 2009.

  1. chaosink

    chaosink New Member

    Hello. I am new to this website. My name is Chandra, I am a 32 y/o mother, in Oklahoma, with a 13 y/o daughter who has borderline personality disorder.

    Is there anyone in this forum who has any experience with this?

    I feel like I have been beating my head against the wall for 6 years.

    Thank you.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    WELCOME!!!! You are NOT alone!!! I am another Okie and this is an awesome site. You will find other parents who "get it" when it comes to our kids. There is just a ton of info and help and support here. Usually someone on here can give specific pointers.

    There will be a lot of questions before we can help most effectively.

    Who diagnosed (diagnosis'd) her? When? Do you feel it is the right diagnosis? Why or why not?

    Is she on medicine? Which ones? Is she in therapy?

    What all has she been doing that leads you to doctors and to us?

    If possible, please go to the User CP link at the top of this page and make a signature with a basic profile of your family, your daughter's diagnosis, any medications she takes, any other problems, basic ages for family members along with first names or a nickname.

    Please do NOT use family photos or any photo of your kids on the site. It is for YOUR safety. We encourage you to limit things like last names, family photos, etc because these boards are open to anyone with computer access.

    The signature info helps to keep us for askign the same questions over and over. It lets us connect you to the info you are sharing and make the right suggestions.

    That is all for now. Others will be along shortly. If you want info on specific docs/help in OK I can sent it to you via private messages. Also, if you want to arrange a time to get together, I am here in Oklahoma. Just send a PM about it.
  3. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Hi am welcome!
    I agree with the questions Susie has asked. You are not alone here.
    I come from a family with a lot's of Bipolar Disorder. Bipolar Disorder often goes hand in had with, or can lead to Personality Disorders. My Father has Narcissistic Personality Disorder which is very different but has but still has the split in in personality.

    Again welcome, we all know that Mental Illness hoovers, but we are a very supportive bunch here and somehow make each other feel better about it all!
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2009
  4. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I don't know much about this...but I can tell you a few things...

    It is often thought of as being caused by early childhood trauma. However, recent thought is that it might be caused by neurological issues.

    Borderline (BPD) is considered a difficult to treat diagnosis and difficult to live with- one as well.

    Some mental health professionals have mixed feelings working with a patient who has this diagnosis.

    However, it is VERY important that someone with- the diagnosis receive very good therapy. Therefore, it is probably wise to find a therapist who has experience in this area and is comfortable with it.

    Some say medications don't really help...others feel strongly that medications like antidepressants help significantly.

    Many parents really like a book called "Walking on Eggshells" (might not be the exact title...but it is very very close).

    Ironically, I JUST bought the book myself and got it probably yesterday. My very close friend has a daughter with- this diagnosis and additionally, I thought it would help me with- my studies.

    As a side note...prozac has been helpful for her daughter...but she only takes it on and's been very very difficult for all of them.

    Taking a very quick peek in the book last night, I noticed that it is important to understand where these kids are coming from, maintain boundaries, try not to take things personally, provide treatment for patients (esp. if they are open to it) and to get support for yourself if you feel stressed (which is often the case).

    The authors mentioned that remissions is thought of to be very difficult with- this disorder, but that if the patient is open to treatment and works hard at certainly is possible and success has been enjoyed by many.

    Sending you good thoughts...well wishes for strength and wisdom.
  5. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My oldest is borderline. The "Walking on Eggshells" book was invaluable to me, I highly recommend it. I will say that it is probably more helpful for a parent of older child, but I would still give it a read if I were you. Mainly it gave me lots of "AHA" moments ... as in, "YES that is SO HER!" and made me feel like someone "got it."

    I want to add that while she is not on medications or involved in therapy, the "craziness" has subsided a bit over the years, and the crises aren't as frequent. I hope that gives you some hope.

    We also have at least one member here who is Borderline, hopefully they will be along soon with advice.

    Welcome :)
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My psychiatrist told me that there is an emerging school of thought that Borderline (BPD) is pretty much a part of bipolar disorder and is often treated with the same medication (which success). I just thought I'd add it...I don't know if this is true or not and have not dealt with it, but wanted to give you some hope. I know my psychiatric doesn't think it's impossible to treat. He sees a lot of Borderline (BPD) patients, which is how we got to talking about it.

    Welcome to the board.
  7. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    My daughter has Borderline (BPD). I feel your pain.

    The best advice I have is to educate yourself as much as possible. Two books that I recommend (because there isn't a lot of information out there on adolescents with Borderline (BPD)) are:


    It's very important to find a therapist experienced in treating borderline patients.

    Welcome to the board.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Were you calling me CrazyinVa? LOL.

    I think there may be one or two other members here that have Borderline PD but I am the most active and outspoken member. Maybe I just have a big mouth!

    I also have bipolar disorder so I got an extra helping of the crazy genes. I am convinced, as is my therapist, that I was born with bipolar and because of my invalidating home environment, I became borderline. I was abused by my mom in a variety of ways from really early in life. My mom was most probably schizo-affective disorder but she never sought treatment for herself and did some really bizarre things to me. How I ended up as sane as I am is a miracle! Just a joke, I really am certified.

    In all honesty, my life hasnt been easy. I didnt know I was sick or ill for many years. I thought I was just bad. I thought I was crazy but I wouldnt go get help because...well that would just let others know I was crazy. I did things I really shouldnt have done and didnt do things I should have done and made life so much harder for myself than it should have been. Only after I had my kids and they had problems did I search out help for myself when I saw myself in them. I am so glad I did. I have been on medications for over 10 years now and in therapy for 3 years now and it has made a world of difference for me. There is life after diagnosis. I am so not the same person that I was 30 years ago, 20 years ago or even 10 years ago.
  9. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    <grin> Janet :) My mind signals worked....

    I think Oldest's Borderline (BPD) has a lot to do with a combination of her dad's treatment of her (emotional abuse, in my book), and dealing with her chronic illness (Crohn's) growing up, combined with bipolar and a good dose of "crazy genes" on both sides of the family. Interestingly enough.. her psychiatrist once told me that many children who grow up in and out of hospitals with chronic illness exhibit the same symptoms/behaviors as abuse survivors. Their psyches perceive the poking and prodding and surgeries as "abuse," I guess.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have also been told that even a wonderful home environment for every other kid on the planet can be invalidating for some kids who are wired differently because of their exceptional needs therefore they can grow up to become borderline. A parent can simply not know how to validate that child...or it can be a daycare, babysitter, nanny...whomever...that does the invalidating.
  11. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    A former therapist of difficult child's said if the child doesn't separate from the mother properly, it can happen. And the current therapist says they're born with it. I've read that having other mental illnesses as a child can cause it.

    All I know is that my difficult child has been exceptionally needy since birth and I've seen the diagnosis coming for years.