Apologies in advance if this skips around. I am very distraught. The other day Tink had the biggest meltdown I have seen to date. The neighbor boy was over and they were playing (he is 4). I tried to gently remind her on several occasions that if he did something wrong, come tell me, because she would yell at him as though she were in charge. Well, that didn't set well with her and I got a lot of "MOM!!" At one point she shared some candy with him, then they sat down to draw. Tink wanted to show "B" how she drew a person. Well B seemed to think that she was telling him what to do (by the way, B is a major difficult child too) and he kept telling her "no, I can do it". Well she got mad and took his candy away. He came and told me and I went to rectify the situation. I told her to give him his candy back. She said no. This went back & forth about 3 times. *It's always at times like this where I feel inadequate and put on the spot. I think to myself, OK, "give him back his candy or..." Or WHAT? Or he has to go home? Right, without his candy. no fair to him. Or I'll pin you down and remove it from your front pocket?* So I saw her bag of makeup and I grabbed it. I told her to give it back and she could have the bag back. She threw such a fit. Grabbed the bag and we wound up in a tug of war. I finally wrestled it from her and she screams "FINE!" and throws the candy at him. At that point I do send him home, and she says "Are you KIDDING ME?" At this point B went home and I locked myself in my room while she had her tantrum. When she was ready to talk she knocked on my door. I asked her what it felt like in her body when she got mad. She told me that it feels like there is a bug inside her that "gets" her she she is mad, and she can't make it go away. Armed with that information, I tried something new the next day when she had her fit. I calmly asked her if the bug was back. She stopped in mid-fit and hung her head down and nodded. Of course, that only worked once. Yesterday I tried the same thing and she told me to shut up about the stupid bug. Now what is REALLY distressing me was today's event. We were at the pool from 5-7. Her friend that we carpool with was there (they have only played once all summer). So she played with her friend at the pool. When it was time to go, she asked if K could come over. I told her no. She was SO persistent. Silly me tried to explain my reasons, which of course meant that I was engaging. She had a comeback for every. single. thing. I will say that she kept her temper pretty well under control, and eventually we left. While walking back, we talked about a couple other things, and then she says to me in a very calm voice "Now about K, I don't mean that I don't like you or anything, but I just feel like I want to kill you so I can be with K". I was dumbfounded. If she were having her fit and yelling like a lunatic as she always does, I think I could have handled that. She may have still been ticked, but she said it so matter-of-factly. I am trying to take this one day at a time, but I shudder to think what she could be like in her teens if I don't fix this. But CAN I even fix this? Will I spend the next however many years trying this medication and that medication, getting this diagnosis and that diagnosis, and all the while she is just going to be who she is no matter what? I can't even get a neuropsychologist to look at her. All I have is the psychiatrist, and while he insists she is not on the spectrum, he is not giving me much else except the old "ADHD/ODD" and here go see an Occupational Therapist (OT) because of her sensory issues. How scared should I be that she feels like she wants to kill me? Do I take this less seriously because she is 7 and will still cuddle with me? This kid not only zaps all my strength and energy from me, but her abuse and attitude is slowly eroding any faith in myself that I am a good parent. And this is not a pity me thing, I am serious. I second guess myself constantly. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing too much, other times I feel like I can never do enough. She has serious "no matter how much I give her it is never EVER enough" issues. Is she just a freaking brat? I don't want to hit her. What the heck do you DO when the kid is SEVEN and abusive? If you stuck with me this long, bless your heart.