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Substance Abuse
Boundaries: It's Killing Me to Say "No"
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 714127" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Please be kind to yourself...and logical.</p><p></p><p>Did your unrelenting kindness, home and food stop him from drinking in the past? Are you so young that you can take this on without getting sick yourself?</p><p></p><p>Addiction is very different from other illnesses. I am an oldster on this forum...fifteen years or so. I have seen no evidence that addicts thrive under loving care. Just the opposite. It seems all the happy endings are after we detach and say no more which is one reason I did it for my daughter.</p><p></p><p>It was very hard to do.i cried and did not sleep. She was only 19 but ai had two young kids who were scared of her drug rages and the police dropping by. She had dangerous associations.</p><p></p><p>She quit with no help from us. And she had used meth and cocaine as well as other horrible drugs. She told me "Using drugs was too hard." Her boyfriend helped her quit. No rehab.</p><p></p><p>I think it is hard to detach. We see every little posifive as a miracle and a great sign so we let them back in again and again. I saw my daughter quit and relapse three times. She had to be clean and sober of her drugs for two years before we believed it. By then she also haD a job, was taking out a loan for school and had stopped associating with drug addicts. Today, 12 years later, she is a normal housewife with my beautiful granddaughter and her own house and the same boyfriend. She did get a two year certificate at a college. It was a joint decision with her boyfriend that she stay home with their child. She is a great mother.</p><p></p><p>It is hard to get her to take a Tylenol and she is into organics and healthy lifestyle, gardening, cooking, art and enriching her little girl.</p><p></p><p>Would this work for your grandson? I dont know. But whay you have done so far has not worked. If we dont change, nothing changes.</p><p></p><p>No reason grandson cant use library. You will be vulnerable to babying him if he visits you. You deserve wonderful golden years. Grandson will HAVE to live eithout you one day. </p><p></p><p>Take care!</p><p>.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 714127, member: 1550"] Please be kind to yourself...and logical. Did your unrelenting kindness, home and food stop him from drinking in the past? Are you so young that you can take this on without getting sick yourself? Addiction is very different from other illnesses. I am an oldster on this forum...fifteen years or so. I have seen no evidence that addicts thrive under loving care. Just the opposite. It seems all the happy endings are after we detach and say no more which is one reason I did it for my daughter. It was very hard to do.i cried and did not sleep. She was only 19 but ai had two young kids who were scared of her drug rages and the police dropping by. She had dangerous associations. She quit with no help from us. And she had used meth and cocaine as well as other horrible drugs. She told me "Using drugs was too hard." Her boyfriend helped her quit. No rehab. I think it is hard to detach. We see every little posifive as a miracle and a great sign so we let them back in again and again. I saw my daughter quit and relapse three times. She had to be clean and sober of her drugs for two years before we believed it. By then she also haD a job, was taking out a loan for school and had stopped associating with drug addicts. Today, 12 years later, she is a normal housewife with my beautiful granddaughter and her own house and the same boyfriend. She did get a two year certificate at a college. It was a joint decision with her boyfriend that she stay home with their child. She is a great mother. It is hard to get her to take a Tylenol and she is into organics and healthy lifestyle, gardening, cooking, art and enriching her little girl. Would this work for your grandson? I dont know. But whay you have done so far has not worked. If we dont change, nothing changes. No reason grandson cant use library. You will be vulnerable to babying him if he visits you. You deserve wonderful golden years. Grandson will HAVE to live eithout you one day. Take care! . [/QUOTE]
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